Irrational anxiety over loved ones?

Question

I would say that I am generally a very calm, sensible and down-to-earth person, but I seem to sometimes struggle with irrational anxiety that something bad will happen to someone I love. I don't think about it all the time, but if I haven't heard from someone when I was expecting to, or I can't get in touch with someone, my mind just imagines the worst case scenarios (usually completely unlikely) and I get myself so worked up to a point where I'm feeling sick to my stomach and shaky.

Logically I know that it isn't likely something bad has happened, and I try to calm myself down by telling myself that, but it doesn't help. This awful anxiety and panic just increase as time goes by and only go away once I know that the person is safe, no matter what I try to think or do to distract myself. Sometimes it gets to the point that I end up calling and texting until I get the person and I know it's irritating people and it's embarrassing because I don't want to seem like a neurotic mad woman, but I just can't seem to calm down and take a step back when I'm so anxious.

Does anyone else experience this at times or is there something wrong with me? Any advice on how to prevent these feelings or snap out of them when it happens?

Many thanks! :)

Answer 1

It happens to a lot of people.  Remind yourself that it's not at all unusual for people to be running late.  Try picturing them doing what they really ARE probably doing instead of letting your mind race to irrational thoughts.  Give them plenty of time to get where they're supposed to be going instead of timing them down to the second before you start freaking out.  You can EASILY add on an extra 20-30 minutes to a person's time if they stopped at a store, got hung up in traffic, or maybe they just got stopped by the neighbor outside when they were leaving and had a small conversation with them.  There are SO many reasons why a person might be late that unless they are literally hours late it's not worth your time worrying about it.  You just have to learn to relax yourself and start thinking about things logically or it's going to eat you up and make your life miserable.  

Answer 2

I have struggled with this as well, and i will often call my family or friends to check that they are "ok" and havent died or been injured in some way.

I actually have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and my thoughts are a part of this. You say you are typically a calm person, though so this likely doesn't apply to you.

I'd suggest that your thoughts are worries or compulsive ideas that you simply lack control over. One very effective way to deal with them id to recognise them for what they are -

Say to yourself (out loud even, if it helps)

"This is a negative thought, and my loved one is fine"

Of course, there is always the possibility that your loved ones will be hurt or injured - but that is out of your control, and your excessive worrying will not help or hinder them. Maybe try and think of what would logically happen if they were to be severely hurt: The police or ambulance, or another family member or friend would contact you. Comfort yourself with this when you have urges to call and check on someone, i think it will help you realise that your worries aren't rational!

If you really can't be comforted and find it hard to distract yourself, try a mindfulness exercise where you describe, in great deatil, the things surrounding you. (EG: If you are at your desk at work - "There is a pen to my left, it is blue, made of plastic, feels hard and smooth to touch, it has a silver nib..... the computer in front of me is.....  etc" You can do this potentially for hours, but you will find that after 2 minutes or so (if you are concentrating) you will have broken your worry cycle and the anxiety will be lessened. This really helps to stop you going over and over worst case scenarios in your head, and totally stops you building the bad image in your mind. Then, repeat to yourself that the person is okay - it will probably work much better ths time!

good luck, i know how distressing this can be!

Answer 3

There are a lot of people that deal with that. My wife is that way. She can't explain it, and it frustrates me, but we work through it.

I am not that way, so I can just tell you what I do to avoid that anxiety:

I recognize what I can change, do what I can to change it, and then consciously choose to wait and see. If I cannpt effect the outcome, or cannot gather info without worrying others, then I choose to let it roll off. I pray and believe God will do what He can to bring about the peace I need. After that I leave it up to the other person/situation to resolve itself.

It's a conscious choice that I make. Sometimes it's difficult, but it helps me sleep and wait.

Answer 4

A passing thought has turned into a phobia. If you continue then you will pick up more random thoughts that will also develop into phobias. You must break the pattern now before it takes over your life.