Irrational fear of his cheating.

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together since december of '07. He has a huge history of being a man w***e. lets just say... he's in the 200's (yikes) he had a previous relationship that resulted in a child and he was burned pretty badly by her.

I love him to death but he's always got girls throwing themselves at him through emails, texts and in person. I've even witnessed him texting a girl once and he just mentioned having a gf, and she said she didn't care and wanted s*x anyways.

I may be paranoid, which I often am. But due to his previous lifestyle and then out of nowhere i've become the GF of 8 months.. I still have the feeling that he's got something going on behind my back.

We are together almost every night, but there are some nights when he fidgets around and says he wants to stay home. His roommate is a good friend and hasn't seen anything out of the usual, but my BF is a great liar.

He says I should just trust him because he loves me and he hasn't given me a reason not to trust him.

Should I be naivee and just believe everything he says about what he's doing? He'll blow me off If i ask too many questions. .....

*sigh* I hate being so ify about this

Answer 1

Trust is so hard, but your bf is right, he hasn't given you a reason NOT to trust him .... yet.  If I were you, I would have one conversation where you tell him in no uncertain terms what will happen if you ever find out that he cheated on you.  Let him know exactly how important fidelity is to you - that you would rather him break up with you than cheat behind your back.  Then.,... you just have to hope.  His history isn't great, so it will take a considerable leap of faith, but that's what all relationships are about.

good luck.

Oh, and try not to interview mutual friends, it's very awkward - this is just between you two.

Answer 2

"I've even witnessed him texting a girl once and he just mentioned having a gf, and she said she didn't care and wanted s*x anyways."

"my BF is a great liar"

On this basis, you have reason to be insecure. His track record is poor. If you want someone faithful, you may have to seek elsewhere. I don't think he's changed much.

Answer 3

Talk to him and tell him your concerns just once. Then just let it go. If he is cheating you will find out eventually. Don't ask 21 questions (nagging) and look through his things. Trust him until he gives you a reason not to. You cant judge him on his past. If you are stressing over if he's cheating or not you're just missing out on the good stuff. If he's going to cheat he'll do it whether you worry or not.