Is 50 yrs old TOO OLD for considering "starting a family" for the Very First Time?

Question

I remarried over a yr ago to a great guy who yearns for a family. Here are the "barriers" set before us:

I turned 50.

Hubby is 40 at end of this year.

I'm healthy, but have strong menopausal signs physically with my cycles. Never gave birth ever.

Hubby is 100% disabled, stroke in wheelchair. He has limited use of one side. He is capable of independent living

Our combined incomes is just under $45k/year, where we live the combined avg incomes is $72-75k, so we're behind the 8-ball there.

My credit is great, over 720+, but high credit card debt

Hubby's credit is low, 500+, has very little debt

No home, renting apartment now

Supporting Family Structure:

My parents in 80's, Siblings kids grown, 2nd generation being born now. All live within 2 hours of us.

Hubby: orphan & adopted. Parents passed. No siblings.

Firstoff, I expect "NO"s, but are there any among you with a "YES" to move forward...pls give good reasons of YES for us...I need something positive to move forward

Answer 1

I wouldn't move forward with giving birth, this could strain you and keep you from working considering you are older. Also, I hate to sound so ignorant, but considering you will be 60 when your child is ten, you and your husband both will be incapable of playing football, transporting to and from places, and many other thing your child will expect of you. Consider adopting an older child, 6 years old and up.

Answer 2

I think you should. I mean why not? You can adopt if you want to and you can be an amzing mom to him/her/them. You'll make a difference in their lives and a positive one at that.

Best of luck whatever you decide!

Answer 3

ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

Isn´t it great that God commanded to go forth and multiply, and didn´t set age limits!!!  

I say try it, try every way possible to have children and if this is not God´s will, adopt!

Answer 4

I personally think it could be a beautiful thing for you both.

Forget all of those factors you mentioned. The only thing that could really stand in your way is that the older you get, the more likely it is for your baby to have Down Syndrome. This is something you should discuss with your doctor. Also, if you are showing signs of menopause and you really do want to try to have a baby you should start discussing it with your doctor asap.

Also, take into consideration whether or not you are comfortable and capable with taking care of the baby yourself as it seems your husband won't be able to help you much with a young baby.

You could also consider adoption, which really may be a terrific option for you.

Either way, I sincerely wish you and your husband the best :)

Answer 5

I was 30 with my first and it was physically tough, I couldn't imagine at 50. I think you are just being selfish, you just want a BABY, well that baby becomes a teenage, then an adult who will not have there parents around for the type of help and support they will need, because they will be to busy caring for you. Just Selfish.

Answer 6

I would never discriminate a woman's ability as a Mom based on age but, the rate of birth defects goes up dramatically with increased age. I would go a geneticist before becoming pregnant to see what you are at risk for.

My best friend growing up, her parents were in 50's when they had her. She was just fine!

Good luck!

Answer 7

I would say YES only if a few things are checked first...

1) You can go to a prenatal specialist and they'll do DNA testing on you and hubby, they can predict if due to your age your baby will have down syndrome or some other disease

2) Get a physical and speak to a gynocologist. Being pregnant is hard on your organs and at your age you are at  a greater risk for gestational diabetes, anemia, pre-eclampsia, and a few other illnesses.

3) You can always adopt a baby and have a family. You can adopt an infant or a child that is orphaned. Remember not to be selfish to the baby, because you'll be 70 when the child is going to college. You may miss big events in your child's life such as marriage, etc.

So I say Yes, but please check on your health and the liklihood that you'll have a child with an illness. And adoption is always a great choice. Be a foster parent and see what life it like with a child around. You husband may change his mind.

Good Luck!!

Answer 8

I am not sure- Honestly your economic situation concerns me more than your age.  At your age you will likely need help conceiving and at best you will need extra medicial care during your pregnancy.  I had a high risk pregnancy a few years ago due to a clotting disorder.  Unless you have EXCELLENT medicial coverage, your pregnancy and birth will be expensive.  

My best advice- call a financial planner and credit consular.  Sit down and figure out to get your finances in order.   The first stop in getting better financially is to make a plan and you need one regardless.

Then have a serious talk with your doctor.  Ask if they think that you could even concieve in any way and what it would take to have a baby if possible.

Then regardless of what the doctor says, start looking into adoption.  Because even if the doctor think you might be able to have a baby it is best to start the adoption process sooner than later.  Sometimes it takes years to get a baby.   Then other times if you are willing to take a special needs child or a little older baby then might be able to get one much sooner.  When I was in high school my Latin teacher adopted a 6 month old when she was in her 50's.  I am sure she is wonderful mother even today.

I don't think you are too old.  Life is full of surprises and we never know what is going to happen.  Your age does not have to be a blockage to your desire for a family, although you might have to change exactly what you what.  Good luck and God bless.  I hope it works out for you.

Answer 9

Don't for get their are a few ways to start a family. If it is a family your husband yearns for may be foster care adoption is a good option for you. It is free or low cost. You could parent an older child or sibling group that truly needs a family.

Answer 10

I'm going to have to say YES.

Just because you're 50 doesn't mean you can't be a great mom. There are people living to be 120 - you could have 70 years ahead of you. There are many fertility treatments (very expensive though) you could have, or you could consider adoption.

Answer 11

I think you would be very selfish to think about having a baby at your advanced years (at least in child-bearing terms). You must think about the fact that when your child is 15 you are going to also be 15 years older. I have spoken to many friends whose parents were much older than those of their peers and they always seem to feel as though they were excluded from many things.

Answer 12

Have you considered fostering a child?  I had my first at 30 and #2 at age 33.  It almost killed me physically.  It would have killed me at age 50.  My BONES, I think are too old to sustain all that.  I'm almost 40 and have a hard time with how my bones shifted my pelvic area during pregnancy.  It's so sad that I can't do all I want to with my children because I have pain.  They do not deserve that and I don't want them always to worry about "mommy is sick or hurting", because that is depressing for them.  So I try not to make a big deal of it.

If I were 50, married w/ no children, and really wanted one, I would seriously consider fostering a child.

Answer 13

I would be worried about your economic situation. 50 is older but not impossible, your age is a concern and you would probably need Invitro Fertilazation or IVF. It cost my hubby and I 20,000 dollars for 4 rounds of treatment. At such abb elevated age you should be prepared for at least 4 to 6 rounds. Expect to pay anywhere from 20,000 to 60,000.