Is 7 yr. old boy normal?

Question

My bf's son can be a great kid when he wants to be. However, at times he is a nightmare! He lies about absolutely anything, has tried to set the stairs on fire, cheats on tests at school (Grade 1), sneaks behind our back and does strange things. He had his fathers camera and was told to leave it alone. He woke in the middle of the night, came downstairs, got the camera and took various pictures... including one of his p***s (which he pulled down his pants for). I don't trust him, don't believe him and think he needs help very fast. His mother is no where in the picture, she lost custody of him when he was one. He hasn't seen her since and doesn't remember her. We are thinking of getting him some counciling but are unsure where to start. Any ideas or direction? I am truly thinking of walking away from this family because it is just so much work trying to live this way. I get so frustrated and don't know what to do. His father is just now admitting that something is wrong. Please.. help!

Answer 1

Sounds like he may be ADHD, ADD, or have bipolar.  I would get him checked.  A lot of this can be resolved through environment.  However, is most cases the child needs medication as well as therapy!  Sounds like your bf may be in denial!  Sad, but true!  Do you live with your bf?

If you walk away it may create more problems on the 7 year old.  Sounds like change really affects him.  However, do for you and you only first.  You have no obligation to this family.  But if you love your bf and his family then you can definitely help!  

Get an appointment with a child pyschologist or psychiatrist.  His teacher will have to fill out paperwork based on her observations for the therapist.  You and your bf will do the same.  Once the therapist gets to know him he will compile his expertise and the papers turned in and come up with a diagnosis.

My son is 10 and was diagnosed with ADHD over the summer of 2007.  He is on medication.  It is a total 200% difference.

The classic signs of ADHD, ADD, and bipolar include:

lying

cheating

hurting others or things

weird activity

He may need some sort of bonding with a female.  Like a mother figure.  Do you spend time alone with him?  Maybe play some board games or set aside positive books to read to him everyday for at least 20 minutes.  You may see a change.  He may just be looking for attention.

Is he ever good?  If so, what is the percentage of him being good and being bad?

Answer 2

it's time to leave their family and safely find a home of your own.  get some counseling for yourself and change your phone number.

Answer 3

He needs to see a doctor, there could be a mental disorder going on that needs to be treated and cared for immediatly.

Answer 4

Of course, that is not normal.  His mother checked out at age one, he's grown up without a mother, his father and his girlfriend are shacking up...all those things can push a child who has only been on this earth for seven years over the edge.  He is very blessed to have you there to try to get his dad to help him.  

Your bf's son is SCREAMING for help from his dad.  Talk to the father about this.  He really needs to go to a good pediatrician to see about getting help - medical testing, counseling, occupational therapy (for the child), etc.

My own son has had very similar behaviors.  We've know he's had problems since he was a baby (very difficult to comfort).  We've received so much help from our doctor/medical insurance - parenting techniques for difficult children (more specific than that but, you know), counseling, medication (he's off it now, need to find a different one), etc.  

We've also receive help from the school district.  He is now in a great program with a less stressful environment and a great counselor on hand twice a week and lots of aids to help the students.  The class consists of 5 students/1 teacher/4 aids/1 director (counselor).  My sons was diagnosed as being emotionally disturbed.  I am told by my sister, who is a nurse, that the test that was used often get false positives so I take it with a grain of salt.  I am seeing much more clearly now that he suffers from extreme anxiety and has a very difficult time dealing with stress including even small changes or transitions.  

Don't write your bf's son off as a bad kid.  He needs help.  Start with an appointment with his pediatrician.  At such a young age and with having such a stressful life (no fault of his own) he needs the help of experienced people to guide him to get better.  Childhood should not be like this for anyone.

Note: I understand the incredible stress it must put on you.  I love my child dearly (he is 8) but some days I just loose it.  I've been taking 1 night out a week for 3 years now.  I can't tell you how that one little, consistent thing has saved me and my family and kept me going.  Don't feel guilty about leaving this family but if you feel you are the one to be this boy's father's wife and this boy's mother, marry the man and be there completely, but remember to take care of yourself, too.

Add'l:  We have had to become VERY involved in helping our son.  It is going to be a long haul to help your bf's son, too, but let your bf know that things CAN get better and his son CAN be a more normal, HAPPY child again but it can only happen if he (dad) makes it happen.  Make sure dad has a good support system (or finds one) as he must certainly be barely hanging out and checking out, too, after all these years.

Answer 5

HE'S SEVEN LEAVE THE POOR BOY ALONE.   DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU WHERE SEVEN.  BORED AS h**l.  THAT WHY HE TOOK THE PICTURE OF HIS p***s, PLUS ITS PART OF DISCOVERY.  REMEMBER WHEN YOU FIRST GOT YOUR b***s YOU TOUCHED THEM, MEASURED THEM, TALKED ABOUT THEM WITH YOUR FRIENDS, JUST LIKE YOU DID WHEN YOUR PERIOD STARTED.  THE LYING DID YOU ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH WHEN YOU WHERE A CHILD. DID YOU TELL THE TRUTH ALL THE TIME R DID YOU LIE SO NOT TO GET IN TROUBLE.   SINCE HE'S DOESN'T HAVE HIS MOTHER MAYBE HE'S JUST ACTING OUT OR DID YOU THINK HE MIGHT THINK YOUR TO HARD ON HIM AND WHEN I READ YOUR LETTER I WONDER IF YOU EVEN LIKE CHILDREN.

Answer 6

This is not ADD, ADHD or even bipolar. This is SERIOUS behavioral problems. Dad has been living in denial for a very long time. He needed help along time ago. What happens if he manages to set the entire house on fire?

Answer 7

Setting the stairs on fire: not normal

Lying ALL the time : not normal

Lying sometimes: very normal

Cheating OCCASIONALLY: normal

Sneaking behind parents backs: very normal

Taking the picture: normal

Kids do weird things sometimes, you really have to worry when they are harming themselves or others.  The fire thing is very very alarming!  He obviously has self esteem and confidence issues, and maybe even ADHD.  I'd start with his normal doctor first then go from there.

I wouldn't leave the family,even though this does sound stressful.  The child is so young, so I especially believe he is not a lost cause.  Counseling, and maybe some medication can make his life and yours a lot better.

Answer 8

No, his actions are not normal.  Just the idea that the mother is not around is enough to put him into therapy.  You will have a difficult life living with him-he is in 1st grade and is already acting out.

Answer 9

First and foremost what this child needs is some stability.  He is most likely reacting to his lack of control feeling. Kids who feel secure will most likely react to the situation.  I am sure he has a lot on his mind, with the mom being gone etc.  It may be better, but it is still a feeling of loss.  Help his dad get him evaluated.  His doctor should be able to point him in a good direction.  A Neuropsychologist eval will tell you a lot of things.  Good Luck!

Answer 10

Sounds like family counselling wouldn't hurt.  Could be more of an attention getting thing with him but better to nip any problems in the bud now than wait until they become a much bigger problem when he is older.

Answer 11

This is not normal. I have a 7 yr old son (he turned 7 in Jan too) he has never tried to set things on fire. He does love my camera but has never taken pictures of his p***s. Get this child some help before it's to late.

Answer 12

THINKING of getting some counseling?  He hasn't done quite enough yet? Sorry for the sarcasm.

Seriously, start with the child's pediatrician, he/she can help with suggested medication or steer you in another direction, but start there ASAP.

Answer 13

This is not normal 7 yr. old behaviour. I would get him councilling right away. Phone your hospital for information on mental health. They will give you numbers to call to get started. You didn't say how school was going, talk to the special ed. teacher to have him tested. Good Luck, you are a brave woman.

Answer 14

Definitely encourage this boy's father to get him into counseling. He needs it. Some of the behavior seems normal for a 7 year old boy though. Not everything (like the lying, being sneaky) is abnormal.

The picture of his p***s could just be a normal thing. Has his father ever discussed this boys body with him. Its natural and normal for children to be curious, and explore their bodies. Its important for the parent to guide them as far as what is appropriate and what isnt. Taking pictures is NOT appropriate but that doesnt mean he's strange.

It wouldnt hurt if the dad maybe took a parenting class, being a single parent/father can present challenges that maybe he would not know how to handle.

Again, please help get this boy into counseling though.