Is Adoption to Quck?

Question

What i was referring to was the fact that a girl gets pregnant and immediately thinks along with her family ADOPTION

Thats what I'm referring to..

(or in some cases Abortion)

My personal opinion is children and it would seem older women need to be more educated about birth control. Too many women have a oopsiedaisy these days.

And say oh well we can abort/adopt

That ISN'T Birth Control

Answer 1

Maybe it's just my own experience talking here, but when I was pregnant that first time around, I spent almost every waking hour thinking about what I was going to do.  Adoption, parenting, how to tell my family, etc...  My family didn't catch on until almost the final two months of my pregnancy despite the fact that I was living with them.

Anyway, that would be seven to eight months of going back and forth in my head trying to come up with some sort of solution where everything wasn't going to turn out tragically awful or difficult.  I don't think that amount of time to consider adoption was too short of a period, because really the amount of time to decide to really reach out and get more information is what I think you mean about too easy to choose adoption for mothers like me.

It's the people who have had no experience relinquishing a child and living with the after effects of loss that grate my nerves with being too quick of suggesting adoption.

What was entirely too quick for me was the point after I followed through with picking up the phone in really considering adoption.  I got totally suckered into the "if you are going to do this there is no changing your mind because think of the potential adoptive parents you will hurt" line of thinking.

Maybe I'm naive to think that they should have done a better job of counseling me.  I don't think a mention of "there are programs out there that can help you keep your baby, like welfare, etc..." especially when the stigma of welfare mommas was and is so strong.

30 minutes of pre-placement counseling for being informed for consent is ridiculous.

Anyway, I have a point I think.  The point is, after all that thinking and deliberating before my family found out, as soon as they did find out it seemed like that the best choices were the obvious ones being presented.  The hard questions regarding adoption were never asked, only the hard questions about parenting.  So I went with what seemed to be the better choice.  =o/

Answer 2

I agree.....

I have seen people state that "even dogs are allowed to spead 8 weeks with their pup."

I though, well, moms could too BUT, when they see that there is a 72 hour waiting period (in my state) I think that they are under the impression that they HAVE to sign right at 72 hours. A waiting period is just a minimum.

We did a private adoption and our sons parents signed the relinquishment papers 3 months before finalization IN COURT, when my son was 15 months old.

I agree whats the rush? If it were meant to be, then it would be.

Answer 3

Well five year journey for us is not quick.  And for my children who were in care for two years not quick.  And for their other mom, who tried to get clean many times it was likely too quick, she wanted many more chances.

I don't know how it works for new borns (it is pretty rare where I am from for anyone to adopt a newborn), but hopefully if it is quick, it is so becasue the mtoher really knows what she wants.

Answer 4

yes it is to quick. my g/f disappeared 8 months pregnant and gave our daughter up. within 2 weeks a family was chosen and papers were signed after the birth and they went home with her. they knew i had refused and answered the lawsuit with my intent to contest. now my daughter is 19 months old is still with these people and all though i did everything and then some, she is still with them because the agency kept delaying the trial then got the family to  intervene and delay it longer. now because of the development stage my daughter is in i am being told the best i can hope for at trial is shared custody because it will emotionally endanger my daughter to sever the bond. all parties including the family knew i refused consent before she was born but there are so many holes for them  that they get away with it on a daily basis

Answer 5

I was adopted myself... and my second child was adopted...  I think maybe some people use this in the wrong way.. but you know.. there are a lot of women out there that are so deserving of babies and can't have them... let these heartless women have them and let these deserving women adopt them... Adoption is a beautiful thing....

Answer 6

Yes. When my cousin found out she was pregnant at sixteen her boyfriend & his family had her in to the adoption agency within a couple of weeks.  The baby wasn't his, conceived during a break up, then they got back together - provided she make the baby go away.  The adoption agency was fine with the circumstances, which I think should've been a red flag.  Within three weeks they had her looking at those books prospective parents make. That's pretty quick. (She changed her mind six months later, in the delivery room).

I'm not hopeful about how reforms can be made within the system we have now.  If agencies are required to do so many hours of counselling (like paps get) and moms have to meet with women who've relinquished (like we had to meet with people who'd adopted older children) I'm afraid they'll just bring in people to tell moms "Giving up my baby is the best thing I ever did."  

Women should hear from relinquishing mothers who've had both positive and negative experiences, in order to be fully informed.  They should hear from adult adoptees who've had both positive and negative experiences.  They should be informed about all the assistance that's available should they choose to parent.  The process should take some time, so women have time to think about what they're hearing before they make a decision.  It's just like when a woman is thinking about adoption because she's infertile, they say to take time to deal with one thing before the other.  When a woman is unexpectedly pregnant, she needs time to adjust to that idea first and get past that emotional upheaval, before she decides what to do with the rest of her baby's life.

As an adoptive mom, what's best for my children comes first.  What's best is if children are only relinquished as a last resort.  Every child deserves a loving, stable home.  The best case is where that loving, stable home is with the parents they're born to.  Unfortunately, there would still be plenty of children for us adoptive parents to care for.

Answer 7

I think that for adoptive parents, it can be.  But then again, time isn't what we need.  Education is.  And the "education" we are given is seriously lacking.  It took me a LOT of research to find ONE book, and a few web sites that were dedicated to the adoptee's point of view.  It wasn't until I found you all on here that I REALLY got my education.

ETA:  I'm sorry, I didn't clarify.  I knew what you meant to ask, but it got me thinking about how things are handled from the PAP side of things, and I wanted to throw that in there.  Now looking back, my answer makes absolutely no sense.  LOL  But I'm going to leave it because, heck, why not.

Answer 8

Some people have no choice but to jump into adoption quickly. Afterall, its meant to be in the best interests for the child. I think again, it goes by situations. Some people are not actually given any advice or counciling before they make such a descicion. Thats a real shame and very sad. Some people will say that its the agencies who push and push and dont offer advice, but I dont believe that to be entirely true. I think people are looking for someone to blame. Why not shoot the messenger?

I think families of the mother involved (presuming she has family), should take a step up and help. I DO know that some agencies are pushy and I am not iggnorant to that, but the blame shifting is becomeing a bore.

More family planning advice

More family support

More NHS support

GP support

Answer 9

No.  Choosing adoption is not a quick process at all.  I met with a counselor 1-2 times a week for 8 of my 9 months of pregnancy. I spent hours reading books on adoption and doing research.  A birthmother is required to go through a certain amount of counseling before relinquishing her rights....anyone who thinks this is an easy decision....well you are wrong.  Even if you don't want to be pregnant you develop a bond and connection with the baby over the 9 months you are pregnant.  Giving my child up for adoption was harder then raising her!  It takes a lot to be able to recognize you aren't ready to be a parent, you aren't ready to provide your child with everything....it takes  A LOT to chose life for your child....to be in labor for 27 hours and then hand that child over to someone else!  It is not an easy decision.