Is Anyone Experiencing a Similar Boyfriend/Hubby Freakout?

Question

My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I just found out that we are expecting. I am currently 11 weeks pregnant, which makes our options pretty slim. I will be 23 by the time the baby is born and he will be 24 in October. I will graduate the upcoming May from college and while he is still a bit further behind, I see no reason why, with our families support and our own abilities, we can't raise this baby.

However, when I explained how I was feeling and what I was thinking about this, he freaked and told me that he didn't even have his own stuff together and asked how I expected him to be a Dad. It hurt so much that he reacted this way, and I'm worried that he'll bail. I know I can handle it either way, but I want him to be in the baby's life.

Has anyone had a similar reaction from their BF/DH that turned out okay? I know he's stressed and confused, but I am too, and I really need him to be there for me. I'm giving him time to think and deal, but I'm just worried nothing will change...

Answer 1

I know how you feel exactly!  But it will all work out, sweetie!  I will be 23 a month after my baby arrives.  mY bf and I had also been together over 2 yrs, at first he was very upset, he said he didnt want it, he really was depressed and angry and mean, but once he saw his son on that ultrasound machine, it was over.  He is so excited now, even more so than me!  He could never be happier!  A baby sure changes things, but anything is possible.  Dont worry about him, he will come around, and if he doesn't then he does not deserve to be a part of your child's life anyway

Answer 2

I'm 21 and have 2 years of college left (counting this semester).  My boyfriend is 22 and has 2 1/2, probably 3 years of college left.  We're having a baby in December.  It's scary for both of us, but we're adults who love each other and are obviously keeping our baby.

It's actually just recently (i'm 25 wks 3 days) that he's started to freak out.  I don't know if he was just trying to act strong for me or what, but suddenly he's super stressed about money, gas prices, and how often he'll be able to see the baby (we don't live together, it's impractical in our situation).  It's hard to calm him down, because I of course have worries of my own!

I'd give your guy some time, when we found out we both freaked, but knew abortion was not an option for us (religion, me/christian, he/muslim).  It's been a lot to stomach over the past 6 months and we know it'll probably get harder once the baby arrives.  We're in this together, though, for the long haul.  And seeing our little boy's face on the 3-D ultrasound was the most amazing moment that we've shared together thus far.

As I said, hopefully your guy will come around.  You're old enough to handle this even though things may be tight (money & time).  It's really an amazing experience that I'd love to see the two of you share together.

Answer 3

He's freakin out & that's ok.  My husband ran away for a week when i was 4 months pregnant, but he came back and he's  a great father now.  Give him time, and if he's going to leave u, he's a piece of s*** anyway and u dont need him.

Answer 4

my bf freaked out and i broke up with him when i was preggers with my son almost 3 years ago. i'm a strong believer that all men freak out to a degree and it is usually manifested in very different ways.

whether you were prepared or trying to have a baby or not, its a tough thing to deal with and think about. a lot of times there is a feeling of missing out on youth and bar hopping and freedom, thats pretty hard to deal with. and then of course the providing for the child financially and emotionally, its a big task to be a parent. usually i find that the guys just need more time to adjust and eventually do.

now my bf and i have been together since my son was born and are expecting another in december, and we both kinda freaked out and got scared this time. but we stuck together.

one thing you can do is to try to understand where he is coming from and explain to him that you understand and don't get so upset about him not reacting the way you expect. as long as you can both deal with the uncomfortable feelings with a sense of unity, like you're in it together, you will be.

i wish the best for you, my pregnancy this time is so much better since we are working together even though by any other means this pregnancy is much more difficult!!  a lot of women just expect he man to "man up" and thats not fair, they just deal with it differently and need to feel that they are allowed to FEEL scared/worried/unprepared and its good for the dad to know that he mom feels the SAME way.

<333

Answer 5

I was 16, dating my guy for 2 years and in the 10th grade and had a baby....we are great and i have 2 more years of college, we are now engaged and I just found out I am now 8 weeks pregnant again

Tell him that. It's just a scare on his part and he will get over it. You just keep going and raise that baby! It will grow on him, once tummy starts showing and reality sets in.

Answer 6

I think right now he's just afraid. Having a baby seems like a death sentence for some men. For some reason they tend to believe that any goal that haven't achieved in life up to that point is no longer achievable. I think everything will turn out okay for you. It's different for women as the responsibility and greatness of being a mom sets in the minute that test reads positive.

Give him some time, you guys have a long ways to go before baby actually gets here. He'll need some time to warm up to the idea :)