Is Anyone Here Angry and Bitter about Being Called Angry and Bitter?

Question

Is Anyone Here Angry and Bitter about Being Called Angry and Bitter?

Answer 1

you should not be, just get a mirror and smile!

Answer 2

Yes I feel like I have a good attitude its the others that are angry not me, but it does make me angry at them--LOL and bitter

Answer 3

That's a good one.

Answer 4

Yes, I prefer they call me "A.B."

Answer 5

Not lately no.  There was a long time after I relinquished that I feared becoming one of "them".  One of those disgruntled angry bitter birthmothers.  Oh I was going to show them.  But then in a matter of one email, I got my membership card in the angry and bitter birthmother club.

I am angry and I am bitter that so many of us have been manipulated, lied to, exploited, and deemed unfit because of a choice to be made or have made.  Call me angry, call me bitter, I'll answer.

Now, if someone was to call me unreasonable or can't see past my own pain then I'd be pretty ticked off.

Answer 6

ive never been called angry and bitter so Nope!

Answer 7

I wish that "angry & bitter" was all that I had been called.  : )

Answer 8

fuc* yes!!! y do they need to say it were already feeling like s**+*!

Answer 9

Am I angry and bitter about it?  I don't think so...  I wouldn't blame anyone for being angry and bitter about it...  But I don't think so...  I'm a little annoyed by it, because it's just another way to dismiss me, but angry and bitter?  I don't think so...

Answer 10

When it comes from someone who has no connection to adoption I say pfft - they're just ignorant.

When it comes from an adoptive parent I find it annoying and I worry about the ramifications that type of stereotyping (and emotionally controlling behavior) could have on their child if they were to express any of the same pain and frustration that some adoptees express. I really hope that the adoptive parents who shake their finger at us and dismiss our feelings are not doing the same to their little adoptee.

Answer 11

You sound bitter & angry. HA!  Just kidding!!!!

I don't mind people being bitter or angry over the pain or hurt they've experienced being adopted.  As one poster said, it's a normal human emotion and no one has the right to tell anyone how they should or shouldn't feel about their own life experience.  What I DO mind is when someone else chooses to put those emotions onto other people who had nothing to do with their pain, nothing to do with what they went through.  Everyone has a right to feel what they feel but they DON'T have a right to come on here and say mean-spirited things to perfect strangers who have done nothing personally to them.  Those are the ones I get frustrated with.  

It's healthy to talk about being frustrated.  Frustrated at the system.  Frustrated at the generalizations or stereotypes.  Frustrated by not having access to records.  Frustrated by being told "be grateful for not being aborted."  Those are all valid frustrations.  My only point is that people AIM that frustration at the appropriate channel, system, or person....not some random person who comes on YA & happens to say something ignorant.  As I've said in other posts, yelling at, ranting at, or being mean to someone you disagree with does nothing but make YOU look like a....sorry to say it...."bitter & angry" person instead of a person who just happens to be bitter at the SYSTEM.  I'm glad you don't seem to be one of those people.  There are alot of adoptees on here angry over reforms that need to happen in the adoption industry but can find a way to give their answers diplomatically & without disrespecting other people.  I appreciate & welcome those kind of people

Answer 12

Sorry I haven't been called angry and bitter yet.

I was a little tired of being called a crack w***e but I fixed that.

Since people are so bent on being politically correct they are going to have to refer to me as a pre crack w***e.

I think it has a nice ring.

Answer 13

LOL...I don't get called angry or bitter

They just call me wrong.

Answer 14

i'm angry and bitter when people call me 'angry and bitter' for being angry and bitter---i know, sounds like circular logic..

let's try:  although i'm not an adoptee, i too have been "lumped" in the "n**i-anti-adoption" gang.  hence, i speak (type) my peace.

it's easier to just tell people to get over it, when one hasn't experienced the pain.  also, it's demoralizing to tell someone who has experienced pain that nothing will be done to assist you with getting over the pain.

i made my "crack-pot" of an adoption plan 16 years ago.  at the time, i was the queen of the world, to the people who wanted my child.  when i decided that i wanted to keep him, i quickly morphed into a royal, scamming, baby-stealing *****!

in other words, i felt that my only worth was when i had something someone wanted (eg. a baby); yet, when that was no longer the case, i was instantly made the enemy.  now, i was 19 and probably a bit more mature than most of the young women who place their kids.  and for me, the psychological whip-lash from that experience was profound. as a matter of fact, i just recently felt like i could speak about it without being told, "what's your problem?  what about that poor woman who has no baby???"  yeah, i know...

also, for about 6+ years, i walked around in fear that every  visit to the clinic or meeting with my case-worker that someone would find me unfit and snatch my kid! i always made sure he was immaculate, and if he spilled food on himself (as kids do) i'd quickly run to the bathroom to clean him up out of fear that someone was watching an would report me as a bad mother. this paranoia was because i was told "it is our duty to report you to the C&Y because you've told us that you have no means to support your child" by the adoption counselor two days after i arrived home from the hospital.

it was that call that made my father grab the phone and say "don't call my ******** house again!"

that message was so deeply psychologically damaging that i actually thought someone would come and take my kid.

that's the reality of being angry and bitter.  and no it's not pretty. and no it's not comfortabe.. and no it's not meant to make anyone feel good.

my anger and bitterness was due to my trauma from an adoption system who only valued me as long as i played nicely and provided a drug and HIV-negative black child to a paying customer.

my anger and bitterness now, is due to the fact that people continue to marginalize f/b/n-mothers, commodify children based on race (black and bi-racial children are less expensive), call me a "n**i, anti-adoption troll"; and basically S**t on anyone who speaks out against a system that's build on loss, shame and coercion for profit.

Answer 15

Gosh, so many good answers already: Sunny, Lauriejb..., Dory, Tish, PhilM, etc.

As an adoptive parent, I don't think I've been called "Angry and Bitter" (though like Tish I believe I have been lumped in as an "Anti-adoption n**i").  

As Sunny points out, though a lot of people are called "angry" (women get called angry and b*tch anytime we don't smile -- which does make me angry and bitter sometimes),  "bitter" is a term that seems mostly reserved for adoptees.  And my theory is that this is because those calling adoptees bitter think that for some reason they are supposed to be "grateful."  Now depending on your belief system, there might be a point to being grateful for being alive, for food and shelter, for love and nurturing by loving parents and others. But for some reason some people expect adoptees to be "grateful" beyond anyone else. I don't think anyone else gets told to be "grateful you were not aborted"! That is just nasty and hateful! That would be enough to make anyone angry and bitter!

As to whether being called angry and bitter would make me that way? Well, after awhile it probably would -- though that would be awfully ironic! Certainly if I didn't think of myself as angry or bitter and I was continually misinterpreted as such, that would make me beyond frustrated and when it piled up enough it would make me infuriated!

It would also probably make me stop hanging around for that kind of abuse. Which is why I sometimes wonder why the adult adoptees stick around here. But I am very "grateful" that they do, because I learn from them, and I think others do also. Plus, y'all are just hilarious at times, so I'm grateful for that also.

Answer 16

I am not angry & bitter about having been called "angry & bitter."

I pity those who use "angry & bitter" to denigrate others.  I pity them because they are implying that it is WRONG to feel this way -- about anything.

News flash:  Some people are angry & bitter for a GOOD REASON.  These are NORMAL and HEALTHY human emotions in response to being treated disrespectfully.

People who do not express genuine emotions like anger become SICK.  They become sick because repressing emotions is unhealthy, and the repressed emotions will take it out on their bodies.

People can call me whatever they want.  It's about them - not about me.

Answer 17

Yes.

Answer 18

For being denied the very same rights non-adopted people have?  You bet.  I do wish those folks would learn how to separate the issues, but they must be so threatened by  those who want reform that they just can't do it.  Wanting reform has nothing to do with having a bad adoption experience.  Lots and lots of adoptees with happy experiences and good relationships with their adoptive parents still want reform.  It's about making adoption better for the people who are supposed to be served by it.

Maybe the suffragettes were just "angry and bitter" without cause, as well.  After all, there were plenty of anti-suffragette women who were happy with the status quo.  What was wrong with those rebel rousing suffragettes?  I guess they just didn't know their place.  Obviously they were not grateful for the husbands and fathers who were taking good care of them and saving them from the dirty, nasty world of politics.

EDIT:

Sunny, great answer! I've thought about that, too.  Somehow when adoptees are angry about being disenfranchised and dismissed, they're called "bitter."

Answer 19

Here's what I love...

'Angry' is used to describe lots of people.

Adoptees seem to have an exclusive on BITTER.  Think about it, we practically OWN it.  Dang, maybe we should trademark it!

Here's something else to think about, for all the politically-correct sheep who frequent this forum;

"Black people are angry and bitter"

"g**s are angry and bitter"

"Women are angry and bitter"

Racist.  Homophobic.  Misogynist.

"Adoptees are angry and bitter"

Allowable characterization by the majority.

Answer 20

It definitely adds to the pucker factor, yes.

Answer 21

Nope.  I know I'm angry and bitter.

Answer 22

i f*cking hate it!

especialy if im not angry or bitter!

Answer 23

Yes. It ticks me right off.