Is Christmas as difficult as birthdays?

Question

Is the Christmas season as difficult to deal with emotionally as a birthday for either the adotee or the adoptor? Do you have the same anxieties and questions as you do on birthdays?

Answer 1

I find that birthdays are more difficult emotionally.

Answer 2

nooooooooooooooo

Answer 3

I am a widower all "holidays" trouble me.

Answer 4

Christamas and birthdays are bad butr I find Xmas worse as It just hurts not being able to see my bbiological mom and spend every spare minute on xmas and my bday with her...

Answer 5

Holidays are difficult because of all the family togetherness. I was just at our friends' home for Christmas, and heard a lot of snippets of conversation about who had whose chin, and where someone's personality came from...if you're not adopted, you don't realize how often those sorts of conversations come up when a family gets together. It's hard to be on the outside, and it's even harder when people falsely include you: no, really, I don't have Aunt so-and-so's eyes or Grandma's musical skills.

For adoptees, birthdays have been documented as being particularly difficult because that date brings up a lot of conflicting emotions. No matter how happy you might be in your current life, your birthday is the obvious day to reflect on the fact that you started life with a different family. In many cases, it can even be unconscious. I myself have talked with dozens of adoptees who've said it took them decades to realize that they got "blue" around their birthday every year.

In fact, for about 25 years, I donated money on my birthday every year. It took a long time for me to realize that I was doing it so that SOMEONE would be happy I was born on that day, because I didn't feel joyful about my own birth. Why would I? My precognitive brain felt my mother's stress during pregnancy and birth, and my own stress at losing all contact with her immediately after birth, even though there was no way to understand or explain what I was feeling. Why would I remember that day with fondness?

As an adult, I've made a life for myself, and now enjoy the holidays much more. But there is definitely extra weight on my shoulders then, if I stop to think about it.

Answer 6

yes it is becuz you still have people over and still have to give stuff

Answer 7

I can only speak for myself.  I appreciate all of the blessings that I have been given on those days, including my family.

However, I have heard that Mother's/Father's Day can be hard on the adoptive parents.

Answer 8

I am adopted and have 2 adopted kids-  and we have not experienced this that much with the 3 of us.  Biological families can have problems at holidays even with their own families.   I am not saying this may never happen, but with us no

Answer 9

For me (adoptee), Christmas is generally not nearly as bad as my birthday.

Answer 10

To me, Christmas/birthdays are no different than any other day.  I still have questions as an adoptee.  I still want to know who my biological parents are/were.  If anything, every day is a day without answers.  Closed adoptions really have their drawbacks, especially for the adoptee.

Answer 11

Christmas is as difficult, but for somewhat different reasons...

I have always had a yearning for a very close-knit family.  My adoptive family isn't terribly close-knit.  We love each other, but we aren't terribly close.  Everyone is always rushing off in different directions.  Christmas is hard because it reminds me of how little we lean on each other.  Being alone during the holidays, or shuttled from one home to another, can't help but raise questions about whether things might have been different.

Answer 12

Family holidays like religious holidays or thanksgiving were difficult for me - for mainly the same reasons as Phil.  My adoptive family were not close, and these were days when we all pretended.  It was hard on all of us, truthfully.

Birthdays, however, were the most difficult - and still are.  I cannot forget (though I have tried) that is the day I was taken from my mother's breast.  I am always sad not only on that day, but for many weeks afterward.

Actually, there is a great deal of documentation about "anniversary reactions" - not just for adoptees but for any people who had early major traumas.  The phenomenon entails experiencing similar emotions to those felt when the trauma originally occurred.

Answer 13

The question implies pathology in adoption.  Many adopted people or people adopting do not have anxiety in their life about adoption.  Some may not have questions per se either.  Some do.  Either is o.k. and should be supported.

Answer 14

I've always felt obligated to give gifts to people I consider veritable strangers, people with no hobbies, no interests, no goals, and no lives. I've always assumed I was supposed to come up with some brilliant idea and plunk down a lot of cash in order to fit in, and I've never done it. I don't want any gifts from anyone and I have very little to give. It's better now that they've told me they don't want even that.

Answer 15

i think christmas is worst than birthdays because you have to shop for more than one person at a time