Is IVF is the only option for me?

Question

Hi, i am 27 years old, married for the last 2, and have known my husband for the last 6 years. I have come to a stage where i want to conceive a child. However, my husband is completely open about the fact that he does not find me physically actractive, because i am slightly overweight. To tackle this issue, i have joined a gym also.

But, i know that whatever out recent history has been (him cheating on me once), both of us are not ready for a physical relationship.

I tried convincing him for adoption, but he is not ready for that too. So please tell me is IVF my only option now?

Thank You

Answer 1

No, IVF is not the only option . . . but the best option is for you and your husband to work out your differences!  Why bring a child into a marriage that clearly needs work?

BUT - to answer your question . . . you could do a less invasive and less expensive procedure called IUI.  Your husband would do his thing in a cup (just like in IVF), the lab would clean it and leave behind only the best swimmers and then they would be injected into you . . . the hope is that with good timing the swimmers will find the egg and you will end up pregnant without going through all of the IVF meds and having your eggs removed to be fertilized in a lab.

Seriously . . . you deserve better!  He cheated on you and blames you for being slightly overweight . . . you most definitely deserve better and so does your future child!  Would you want your daughter to find herself in this situation . . . would you want your son to be like this to his wife?

Work on your marriage and the rest will somehow fall into place . . . whatever that may be!

Answer 2

I completely agree with Tina.  Your marriage needs work before thinking of bringing a child into the mix.  It sounds like you both need couples therapy at the least.  Are you sure you even want to be married to this man?  Think these things over first.

Also, a fertility specialist most likely will not perform IVF or any other fertility treatments if there is not a medical reason.  Your husband not having intercourse with you I am sure is not going to qualify.  Fertility treatments are very stressfull, expensive, time consuming, risking and not a guarantee you will get a baby.  You need a strong relationship to go through this.  Trust me!  My hubby and I are so much in love and have what I and others consider a great marriage.  We are seeing a fertility specialist due to medical reasons and it is so stressful and I see it at times even putting a strain on our healthy and normally strong relationship.

IVF is not what you need at this stage.  Please seek help for you, your husband and your future children!  God Bless and Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

I completely agree with everything everyone else is saying.  If a couple is truly in love, you don't see each other through eyes that diminesh attraction because of being a little bit overweight.  You are in love with and attracted to their heart and soul...their very core.  If your husband only wants to have s*x with you if you are thin, that's not love, that's jr. high school.  And it's not just your responsibility to work on it by going to the gym, he needs to work on stopping being childish, selfish, and superficial on his end.  s*x is not the most important thing in a marriage and there are times when there is more or less s*x depending on the circumstances, but having a partner that doesn't want that intimacy with you...doesn't want to be that close to you...leaves a void.  He obviously wants to have s*x, because he cheated.  If he's not attracted to you now, is it going to get any better when you have a pregnant belly, as you start to get older and your skin starts to wrinkle and sag a little bit.  Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like that?  Marriage is supposed to be an agreement between two people who want to share it all forever.  Don't settle for so little.  You deserve so much more, and you owe it to your future children to go out there and find it, because they learn their expectations of partners from us.  You need to set an example and not settle for less than you would want for your children.

To answer your question about IVF, HoneyB1 and Tina are both right.

Good luck :)

Answer 4

I totally agree with the top 3 answerer's. Listen my dear, u should really try and work ur marriage out first. You know it clearly that he isn't interested in you anymore, he's cheated on you. Imagine if you fell pregnant and then the child is born...u gonna get busy with the baby and he'll have more the reason to cheat on u while your gonna be occupied with the child...Life is too short, don't waste your time around such unappreciative people. Move on!  I understand its frustrating and your trying to divert your thoughts into something else by trying to have a child. Just stop n think, i''d like to believe that you should be counting your blessings that u haven't had a child with this MAN. HE obviously isn't a rite man for you. Please think about it!

Answer 5

Please don't bring a child into this world until you iron out your marriage problems.  

Your husband cheated on you, won't have s*x with you, and thinks you're unattractive -- sounds like a real winner.  What kind of father would he make, and what kind of role model will he be for your children?  

Answer 6

why would you want to spend $30,000 dollars to do IVF, when you are probably perfectly fertile. If your husband doesn't want to be intimate with you, then I suggest you find a new partner and concieve the old fashioned way.  

Answer 7

Bring a child into this world to "save" a marriage is not a good thing.  It sounds like your marriage is not strong at all.  You need to really work on your marriage before even thinking of bringing a child into this world.  Seek  family & marriage counseling, if it works for the both of you and your marriage grows much stronger in the next year or two then try to have a baby.  Having a baby in a weak marriage will not help it!  It will break it up!  

Jennifer