Is It Neglect To Leave A Sickly Child In Hospital By Themselves, Without Visiting Regularly???

Question

4 out my 5 son's have had to stay overnight in hospital, some for longer. I couldn't imagine leaving them laying there by themselves, all day and night, without Mummy or Daddy or even a Grandparent.

Yet, while I have stayed in the Hospital with my children, I have noticed a very lax parenting style appear. My second eldest spent over 2 weeks in hospital during January, and shared a room with 3 young children. I saw one lot of the parents once in just over 2 weeks. My heart ached for the newborn son, and still 6months on, I still wonder how he is. If they now want to spend time with him, or love him.

Is it neglect or just a cruel style that nothing can be done about..?

Answer 1

I don't know if its neglect, but I can't imagine leaving my children alone in a hospital - how scary!  And even if they are newborns, they still need their mothers and that bonding time is SO important.  Especially preemies that are struggling - they say it gives them a will to live.

My daughter was in the hospital just one overnight to get her tonsils removed.  I have two older boys, and my husband arraged his work schedule so he could help with the boys and I had a few friends that also pitched in, so I could stay with my daughter the entire time.  I remember feeling guilty that I had to ask a nurse to sit with my daughter for literally 10 minutes so I could grab something to bring back to the room to eat!

I realize it may be tough for a parent to be there all day, every single day - if they are a single parent, and/or they work,  have other kids, etc... but I'm sorry, only visiting once in 2 weeks is outrageously horrible.

Answer 2

Of course it is best for the parents to be there as much as possible.  But if they can't they can't.

(And if the baby is a newborn, he isn't really going to 'know' that his parents aren't there ... not in the same way that a preschooler or school age baby would be aware.  Until a couple of decades ago, parents were rarely allowed to even visit their babies in the NICU, so a very sick newborn/young infant WOULD be left in the care of the hospital staff for many weeks/months.)

Answer 3

Its unbelivable that parents can do this - once in 2 weeks?,  but then we really dont know their situation, and therefore shouldnt judge (noticed that i said shouldnt?) When my bubs were in Neonatal unit there was a little girl in there that had been in for quite sometime, and her mum ( i think) came in once, but sat in the family room - and didnt even pay any attention to her child.

I've had  a few times when my bubs were in hospital for an extended amount of time. Times when they were together - and once when they wernt - thats the hardest, cos i was torn between 2 small babies. I spent my time in hospital, while the other bub was either with Daddy or Nanny - i find it incredibly hard to leave my kids overnight at their nanna's house, let alone a hospital. I did feel guilty though, because i always went home to spend some time with the other bub - & always went home in tears

Answer 4

Three of my kids have spent time in the hospital.  We always managed to have one of us there for the vast majority of the day, but it was by no means easy.  It's "not that hard" if you have other kids at home if you're also fortunate to have someone else available to take care of them, but it's simply impossible if you don't have that luxury.  In our case, even with two of us, it meant taking huge amounts of time off work, leaning heavily on friends, and (truthfully) somewhat neglecting the well kids while one kid was in the hospital.  And though it broke our hearts, even then it was impossible to be at the hospital 24-7.  I've never been so stressed or gotten so little sleep in my life.  

Even if someone doesn't have other kids at home, they may be caring for an ailing parent or spouse, or may have medical issues of their own that make it really difficult to travel back and forth to the hospital.  Or perhaps the parent had a medical condition that would put the child at risk (even a cold could be a threat to a sick newborn).

I can't imagine that anyone would choose not to be visiting their hospitalized child if they had any choice in the matter.

Answer 5

OMG!  seriously they left that that poor child alone?  WHY? were the parents unable to leave work for financial reasons? Did they live really far?

If they neglect that baby in a public place, can you imagine the neglect at home!

Answer 6

.........I think the parents are the ones who feel neglected (I don't agree).  In 1980, while I was hospitalized for almost 5 months, my YOUNGER brother got to learn to drive in Mardi Gras traffic!!!!!  My dad would not allow my mom the right to visit me {they're divorced} @ first...  

  One of my dearest friends came from a foster family.  Time and events chazange everyone all the time!

  My parents weren't at the hospital every day, so when I did get a visitor it was special.  My dad/brother ALWAYS had a carload of chattering little girls.

  It is cruel that nothing is done about these ppl!

When kids that I used to babysi for ended up hospitalized, or my neices,  I always told parents find someone else to stay w/ the other kids---I'll be here in the hospital w/ this one!  Ppl didn't have to miss work and could take care of opther ppl and homes.  

  While I was in CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL, 200 Henry Clay Av in NOLA, directly behind AUDUBON PARK, I wistnessed a few girls that did not have a visitor 1!  They were foster kids!!

I cried for them a few times.

Answer 7

I think that's so sad.

I couldn't imagine leaving a child there.

Hostpial is scary all sorts of things being done to you.

I got my tonsils out when i was 17 and i still wanted my dad there!

It makes you feel secure to have some one with you.

Thats so sad that it was a baby its first time on earth and it wasnt getting love and cuddles =[ when there are people that cant have kids and would love to love a new baby.

You sound like a really nice mommy :) your boys are lucky to have you.

Answer 8

Oh, I agree with you 100%!

My now 2.5 year old had to go into the NICU when she was born for 3 days and I discharged myself from my private hospital and sat and slept in a chair next to her the entire time.

There were many babies there and I only ever saw 2 other lots of parents there the entire time and they only visited their babies - did not even stay long.

My 8 year old has lots of surgery (12 so far...) and I also always stay with her.

I am always amazed at how many parents leave their children. I do not have it in me to go home and leave them there.

I guess some people have other things they need to keep doing - perhaps other children.

I don't understand it though.

Answer 9

My son was three weeks old he became very ill with Bacterial meningitis.  He was in the hospital on life support and iv monitors the whole nine yards for two months.  I did not leave his side very much at all.  The nurses had to literally ask me to leave to take care of myself.  My son came first in my life.  He was fighting for his life.  I even spent thanksgiving in the hospital.  Thankfully my mom and ex mother inlaw take turns taking care of my daughter.  And my ex husband still worked.  It was tough by myself but are bills needed to be paid.  But my son had me and that was important.  When i left it was never for longer then a half hour.  I spent day and night in that hospital  I honestly think a parent who leaves there sickly child in the hospital by themselfs for long periods of time have issues.  Just because your child is hospitalized does not mean you still dont have to be a parent.  Know what i mean?

Answer 10

Not neglect because they are being cared for. However it is most certaintly cruel in my opinion.

Let's face it my triplets are going to be born early and there is a high chance that they will be in hospital for a  while (hopefully not too long) and I will be there everyday, what ever it took to get there, I would at least try. No way would I ever consider a lazy day during that time.

Nothing can sadly be done about it but hopefully they will be returned the favour when they are older and in hospital care and their children refuse to see them

Answer 11

Ive seen the same thing. Children in the hospital and once I didn't see a parent visit for the whole week we were there. Its sad, but, I try not to judge. We don't know the circumstances and even though we cant see ourselves leaving our children there like that, they must have reasons we don't know.

Answer 12

I think if your child is really seriously ill (like insides born outside) maybe the parents are too heartbroken to deal with it every single day.  You don't know the state of mind the parents are in.  Some people deal with it differently.

Answer 13

I would certainly want to be with them all the time! Hospital would be a scary place for a child, and I would want to be there, make sure I am there to comfort them if they get upset or need anything medical done, such as needles or so forth.

Thank God (touch wood) all we have needed is a day stay from an operation, and a few late night visits to emergency. No night stays yet.

. . . . . however NOW that I have read your question . . . AAAHHHHH!

Answer 14

my mom used to always promise to visit me when I was sick but she always forgot. I remember staying up all night because I was delirious I thought it was morning and I was waiting her to bring me food. she came in the evening laughing saying she forgot

Answer 15

God forbid if one of my children was ill i would be there for them no matter what. There should be no question of whether they had something really important to do, i can think of nothing in the world more important than being there for your sick child. It is neglect to a certain extent.

Answer 16

its not neglect its just pour parenting if you never see them in hospital that's what i think anyway.

Answer 17

Hi Charli

When My Joseph was born, he was 16 days overdue.

Due around 6 7 or 8th March, born on 23rd.

I was with Rebecca from the moment she entered hospital

In the delivery room, I had the shorts on and got into the spa/pool with her, holding her up and batheing her.

Then i cut the cord after Joseph was finally born.

Our midwife reckoned I was a trained nurse! No bull.

She said she had never seen a father do as much as I did, or know what to do and when. ( comes from years farming and having to "pull" calves..lol)

Then three days later, it became obvious that Rebecca was not doing at all well, and going into severe PND.  So it was ME, that feed and changed and bathed Joseph, while the three of us shared a room. The nurses asked me what i wanted to do - I said "im going nowhere, just get me a matress". i slept on the hospital floor for weeks in my sleeping bag, waking to feed and change Joseph so Rebecca could sleep.

Thats was when Rebecca had a complete mental shutdown. Then we she was moved to the clinic, I had an hpur drove each way ( from smithton to burnie) EVERY DAY.

after i had to go back to work i would be up at 5, start work at 6, finsh around 3, home, shower, in car, drive to hospital, stay with Rebecca until they locked up at 10ish, ( often had to ask to be let out...lol got to know security guard REAL WELL)

Then drive hour home to start work next morning at 6 .

I had so many meals at the hospital they thought i was staff and charged me staff prices!!

.  In the 6 months that Rebecca was in hospital, there was only 4 nights that I wasnt by her side.

Thankfully Rebeeccas parents were able to take Joseph, but he spent nearly as much time in the hospital as what i did.

He became quite popular witha lot of the nurses.

I could not have imagined being anywhere else but by my families side.

I know that this is a little diff from having a CHILD in hospital, but i can say that my Rebecca was like a child in many ways, during those first few months.

I have a lot of scary storys i could tell of what I went thru with her in those months.

Answer 18

It's not neglect, as they are in the care of hospital staff - but I know what you mean.

My only son was hospitalized twice a year for his first 4 years due to croup. He had to be medicated, have breathing treatments, in a vapor tent, etc.... every spring and every fall. I saw MANY parents leave their children, while I stayed with mine - sometimes for 2-3 days until he was stable enough to go home. There is no way I would have left my son's room, unless my husband or my mom came to relieve me - someone was always with him. He was sick, didn't feel well and didn't understand, sometimes scared you know? I can't imagine ignoring that!

Our 2nd eldest (15) goes to a children's hospital 2 hours from our home - but when she was at their ER, I saw some parents not staying with their small children too.

I understand - it's nothing I could ever do, but I guess they are just a lot more relaxed about their responsibilities. I shudder to think how these children get along at home - do they leave them alone there too?

My best friend's little 3 yr old Jacob was just diagnosed with ALL leukemia  - going to the same hospital that I take my daughter to. I guarantee Katie and Tony will NEVER let little Jacob be alone.

Answer 19

Well, it could be those parents wanted to be there more and couldn't.  For all you know, they may have had no family to help and four other kids at home.  I think it's a bit judgemental to assume that they're neglecting their kids when you don't know what the circumstances of their family are.

Answer 20

um im not sure but I would like to think someone was with me if i was young and in hospital it must be pretty scary for them

Answer 21

Unless there was a real good reason like they lived a long way and had other children to take care of and no other help, it could be out of  necessity that they couldn't visit.  But if they lived close by it could be neglect. How did they act around the baby?  That can tell a lot about how they really felt.  If it was a newborn, I don't see how the baby could bond with them, not visiting.  I am one of those, that if my child was in the hospital, I would be there every min of the day, just leaving to take a walk or something.  If I couldn't be in the room, I would probably camp out in the lobby.

Answer 22

I could not imagine leaving a child in a hospital at all without a parent, the child would be scared.

Answer 23

Who knows - everybody is different and some people handle things differently than others do.  If it was my child I'd personally be there night and day.

Answer 24

As the mum of twin boys born at 24.6 weeks I have spent a great deal of time in hospital with them (after they were born they were in NICU for 5 months). And during this time I encountered many parents who visited very infrequently. I found this really hard to understand as the entire time my boys were in NICU I only stayed home 2 days on the insistence of my husband and it was torture.

However there may be a few reason why parents don't visit their child every day...

Other children or being a caregiver for other family members (ie sick mother)...

Finding it hard to deal with a very sick child and trying to emotionally distance themselves from the child in case he or she dies. This is actually quite common and odesn't mean the parents don't care, just their way of coping with an awful situation...

Financial responsibilities or work responsibilities. They may work for a family business and not be able to take the time off they need and not be entitled to maternity leave...

Difficulty getting to the hospital. In the first 6 weeks of my boys' lives I couldn't drive and had to rely on the transport system or my parents (my husband had just started a new job)...

Do I think it is cruel or neglect? I personally wouldn't leave my children unattended in hospital. When one of my boys had craniofacial surgery at 11 months of age I slept in a fold out bed next to him for 2 weeks. BUT the parents may have there own reasons for doing what they are doing. It isn't really neglectful - after all their child is being cared for in a hospital, so it doesn't constitute neglect. And I don't believe it is cruel either.

BUT I agree that it IS hard to understand when you don't have the full story.

Answer 25

I actually work in a large childrens hospital in sydney, it is very sad to see that there is a large number of parents who do not stay with their children over night, and there are days when no one comes into see them.

There are some cases where they just don't want to come in. and others where they have other children at home to look after.

As a nurse I know that these kids are well looked after and the nursing staff are there because they love their job and love looking after kids.

It is sad to see parents not by their kids and it is a huge shock to realise that some kids just don't have it that good to start with, we see some pretty sad things.

It makes me greatful that I was blessed to come from such a caring and loving family that they would never have left me alone for a second, but it does happen and some people just don't know how to be a parent.

Answer 26

It could be that for the same reason that their son was in hospital in the first place.  Not all illnesses are from neglect by no means.  But neglect can and does occur prenatally as well.  And if they didn't care before he was born they probably didn't care after.  But I'm with you.  If one of mine is in hospital a family member is there also!

Answer 27

some women don't have time off  and even with family medical leave which is unpaid they half to go back to work.  Like  women who are paid hourly and don't have jobs that pay sick or vacation.  I worked a job and i worked 35 hours a week but was considered casual help so they gave me no time.  I was at work 3 days after my daughter was born.  I needed the money.   There are 1,000 of people like that. I know somone that went back to work two days after giving birth and the baby stayed with grandma.  

So even with the baby being young mom could have to go

Ofcourse this is in the US i don't know about other contries

Another reason is they can't handel it.   They are so sadden by the sitation that they are home crying

Someone brought up the point that she may not live near. Sometimes babies that are sick are sent to hospitals that have a better record for helping sick people and children but it is not in your city or sometimes your state.  I knew a woman whos baby was flown 700 miles away for care. She could not afford a hotel so the baby was all alone for months in the  hospital.  She had no choice.

Answer 28

Hi Charlie, you are right I'm afraid it is neglect. My daughter is doing her early childhood diploma- Aust and I have been a nurse and mother of five, and have only left them if they have been happy and comfortable about it-ie they feeling too old to have mum there all the time ;) The young baby needs the closeness and love not only to bond with the parent and main carer but also to grow and survive. This poor little one was already having a fight and while the mum may have been struggling with post-natal depression or something that baby needed every ounce of love and support it could get. Scientist have proven that feeling loved and cared for increases the immune system so this poor little fellow was starting behind the eight ball. If you are still really concerned you could ring the hospital and make a report and try and ask if the baby is being followed up- though that may be a privacy issue. I can see you will be a great mum and probably mother your children's friends too:) All the best I hope you can get some resolution for yourself.

Answer 29

I am not in any way defending them, but I wonder if they were afraid to be there because of the child's condition.

Having his organs on the outside can be a very scary situation for the parents.  I was born with my bladder on the outside (well over 30 years ago) and my father was terrified to even look at it. And it was not put back inside until I was 6 months old. He ended up living with his parents because he could not handle it. Luckily for me my mother was a stronger person or I could have been the one in the hospital with no family.

Like I said, not that it excuses them abandoning their child, but maybe they can't handle the illness. They need to step up and be there for their child and learn all they can about the illness because once his organs are put back, it doesn't make the medical need just go away.

I think what they are doing is very cruel, but I don't think it would constitute neglect.

Answer 30

Not sure if it is neglect, but I couldn't do it. If at any stage one or all of my kids were in hospital they would have either mum, dad or a close relative with them. It is a very hard thing to judge a person on because you don't know their whole life, plus some people deal with illness and medical intervention a whole lot differently. The mother or father mighten of been there all the time, but what if they were caring for elderly relatives or something?? You just don't know.

You just must have too much love in you woman. And as I said, I couldn't leave my baby by themselves at all, I hated moving my son to his own room....it broke my heart, taking my daughter to kindy for her first day, I am a big baby lol.

Answer 31

I don't think it's considered neglect, but I can't understand anybody leaving their child in hospital if there was any way possible for them to be there with them.  I couldn't *rest* at home knowing my child was sick and scared in the hospital.