Is It Over For Me After All This?

Question

I have been thru 7 years of a relationship with a man who was addicted to p**n(just the females)and they were all around 20, blonde tan firm, you know.......societal perfection. he hid it well, i only recently found out, there were clues, of course. I came to the point where i would try to spot them first, the ones he always stared at, every woman i came across, i would look at her to see what he wanted, what i didnt have. Of course, i am 44, so that was obvious. i am not perfect, i am not societal perfection. i have bumps and bulges and stretch marks, and a csection scar right down the middle of my stomach. I have felt so bad about myself for so long because he wasnt interested in me, and now all i do is critcize my body because i am not petite, i am 5'9, i weigh around 150. i didnt have a problem with myself before i met him, but that was 7 years ago, now i just feel old and tired. will this pass, or is it over for me as far as will i ever feel attractive again?? Do men really even care about over 40 women as far as attractiveness goes? Is there a point to attractiveness at 44? I feel like I lost something, and I will never get it back again. I dont mean to sound whiny(i probably do) I guess I need a boost. any ideas?

Answer 1

have you seen America's next top model? have you noticed that the prettiest ones are the ones that get kicked out first? that is because they are not CONFIDENT! Your husband is the one with the problem, not you! you are fine. Don't feel bad, its his loss, he gains nothing just by starring at someone that is 20 and has a perfect body, he lives in a fictional world, because most celebrities are ugly without make up and or picture fixing!

Answer 2

You man has little to no respect for you or your feeling.

This would hurt any person of any age of any gender.

Know this.

A boost?  Kick his pervo butt to the curb!  He has drained your life.

Answer 3

Yeah you lost something . We all lose something when we age just a part of life as we know it . Woman tend to have a harder time with aging then men do . I suppose its because woman get allot more attention when there young then guys do . Aging seems to happened over night to . One day you have it the next you don,t then your standing there looking around wondering what the h**l happened . Don,t worry though you get as old as me 53 your happy that all that c**p is over with then you really start living life as should be  

Answer 4

Hi ~

First, the question "is it over for me"? ONLY if you allow it to be so!

*Would it be fair to say that you are no longer with this person? If you are still living in the same environment then you are condemning yourself.

*It's like you said, "there were signs". Women are very, very intuitive and aware, they can "know" something and yet for many reasons ignore it.

*When "we" avoid responsibility for ourselves, our feelings and our emotional and physical well being ~ then the "focus" is always shifter outward. It appears you have gone from acknowledging the "other person's" problems to blaming and focusing on yourself in a very negative way.

* If there's a need for legal advice because of this relationship (finances, property, etc.) then you need to get recommendations for a really good attorney in your area.

* If you are NOT in a financial position to live away from this person you need to get assistance (family, friends multiple services are available). Each and every person needs to be in a positive environment to flourish.

* Getting yourself into counseling is a must. Your need an unbiased third person who has experience is this type of emotional upheaval.

This person can not only "listen" to you, your words and feelings but can give your the kind of support and feedback that will validate you and your view of yourself.

* If you are willing to be open and listen there will be "someone" who will come along and any "just the right thing" that will make you see clearly and in a positive way. The only requirement is to we willing to be open and listen.

* Body Image! This is a very big concern for you right now. Why? Because you are focusing your attention outside yourself. When "we" don't want to face an unpleasant or unhappy situation we will tend to look at the "other" (whoever that maybe).

* A very, very long time ago [Middle Ages maybe? ;) ha !] there was an article in "Cosmo" magazine about women who feel as you do. The condensed version and advice is: "self image is everything!!!" If you tell yourself you are just fine the way you are, that you are comfortable with your body, that your body function "just fine" THEN you will present yourself in a way that conveys the message "I like me [a lot], and "if" you play your cards right ~ you can have the pleasure of "knowing" me!!!

* All of the most desirable women through out history had and have one thing in common ~ they THINK they are beautiful.  

* They may not have had the "perfect" body for the time they lived or live in but ~ baby! no one ever noticed!!! Look at the paintings of some of these women - check it out. Look at the media and the REAL women of confidence are of many ages and shapes.

* It may seem trite but it is true "what you perceive and project yourself is how you are seen and received.

* Real people = men and women who are worthwhile and desirable to know do not judge people, not by their looks or any other superficial thing that has no real meaning. The people "we" want in your life will look for caring, kindness, intelligence, humor and self confidence in a person. This is the way to have and live a positive, production and happy life!

Wishing you the wisdom to turn this in to a "valuable learning experience". Time is not wasted if you can see, learn and "decide" what you will take, change or ignore from a life experience.

Answer 5

If he loves you.

He REALLY shouldn't be bothered how you look.

Answer 6

Girl, listen, i am 37 very close to 38, overweight, but still have the figure thing going on.  If you are 5 ft 9 and 150lbs you are most likely built, stacked, no matter the age.   Leave the BF at home, fix yourself up, put on something kinda s**y and just PAY ATTENTION to the attention you get, I bet you will be surprised.   DOnt let him dictate how you rate yourself, dont let anyone.  oh, and hav eoyu thought about reverse psychology?  

Answer 7

No it's not over and your fine, most women, even skinny ones have these same problems.  Nobody is perfect.  Your man was just a jerk and living in a deranged p**n fantasy world.  I lust after a man who's over 40 and going bald and does not care about me.  Be glad your hubby is gone.

Answer 8

What you need is antidepressants.

Did you know that some guys like p**n with Midgets, obese women, dogs, feet, or even hairy women. That doesn't mean they would date them. You can't blame a guy for looking... unless it takes away from your time together, which I doubt.

The fact that he was with you for seven years should say something about what he feels for yu. So just chill.  

Answer 9

It is nice to have a woman that is nice.  44 can still be nice and i know a few near 50 that fill out thier clothes right.  Remember it takes some living to get good at giving and you know how to take care of lots of a mans needs.  You just need someone to make you feel special and feel your spots again.  Get over him and go out with a few friends until you find a nice man again that will take care of you.

rd

Answer 10

Your not the only woman to feel this way. I, too, am in my 40's, c-section scars, 25 lb's overweight, and wonder if a man will ever look at me again. I wonder if I will ever feel the passion of a new relationship where a man will see only me.  I feel hopeless, lonely and unattractive. I even find myself hating younger women, and wishing that men would see past the beautiful bods and just see the person.  

Answer 11

Instead of getting rid of your man, work it out with him. p**n addiction can be fixed with a relationship with Jesus if he is willing. But I think, he's not the only problem here.

You have serious self esteem issues. Get some councelling for it. You may have some type of mental disorder (bipolar, social anxiety, personality disorder, etc.) Get that fixed. Also, reality check: women are not made to wear the pants in a relationship. They are made to surrender to their husbands and husbands to treasure them. That's what people are genetically. People in western society have been trying to convince the world that women are to be in charge. It's all bull. So keep that in mind and go get your man back. Fix it.

Answer 12

Find someone new.  Did you ever tell him how you felt? He is not the be all and end all - maybe giving him some of his own medicine would help?

Answer 13

you lost your self esteem because of that pervert.

most people whom are mature (not 60) mature with their thinking, do like nice hard bodies, but appreciate the goo wholsome, kind hearted woman more.

i hope y0u are not with the perv anymore.

for your self esteem, get out in the sun, the sun gives vit.b which fights depression

eat more fresh fruit and raw veggies, it is healthy and rejuvienates you

exercise at home,    stretching, for starters, then either yoga or a pilates dvd

for me,,,sure i look at everyone, i like to look at things with my eyes, but i appreciate the beauty that shines through from ones kindness, and caring attributes much more.  (i am not a perv)  

Answer 14

how many of us are model material, or look like the p**n queens.unfortunately when a man does p**n he may get an unrealistic idea of what a woman looks like.don't judge all men by this one, and don't allow his treatment of u to define how u feel about yourself.this will all pass when u get rid of the thing that's making u feel so badly about yourself.u didn't loose a thing, we all change, get older, we can't look like a model forever, but u have something the p**n queens don't, u have character,why let this shallow man hurt your ego. go to the gym if your not satisfied with your self,none of us are perfect, and neither are these p**n stars.

Answer 15

there is nothing more attractive than confidence, if you feel that your ugly try and do something for yourself that will make you feel better , maybe doing a make over , change your hair style , go to the gym , you things that will help you change that image that you don't like at the moment. And as far a p**n goes ... All man watch it and like no matter what women they are married to.  

Answer 16

the word is called dignity.anything can be taken ,but not your dignity.you know what,the most important opinion is Gods opinion,then your opinion about you.were human and how people feel and look at us matters,it really does.yet when all h**l brakes loose? all you got is your dignity.where will everyone be, im not sure.but you can bet on it.your dignity stands strong.....eh have you seen brooke shields lately exc....40 + and mmmm good.take care.

Answer 17

You will meet a man that will make you feel totally incredible just as you are, and won't want you to change.. you won't believe him, and you will be insecure... but when you finally believe him, you will ask yourself why you spent 7 years with an a*****e that didn't appreciate you.