Is It Too Late To Have An Open Adoption? 10pts for best answer!?

Question

I have two beautiful children (both are still under 2 yrs of age) and as much as I love them I think I wasn't quite ready to be a mother. I still want very badly to be a part of their lives. Since they are already here in the world is it still possible to have an open adoption where I can see them and they would know that I was their mother but I wouldnt be the one finacially taking care of them.

Anyways I want to know if its too late to do that?

Answer 1

it is not too late to have an adoption?and u have said that u want to someone have to take the financialy care of u r baby there willl be some orphanage homes u should talk with them

Answer 2

No, it's not.

Finding them a placement together is going to be a serious challenge, but it would still be do-able.

You need to realize, however that adoption is forever.  you don't get them back, even if you change your mind.

There are very few states in the US in which open adoption agreements are enforceable, and the adoptive parents have the right to close an open adoption at any time, and for any (or no) reason.

When it comes right down to it, adoption is like suicide.  It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

There have to be resources available to you to help with your situation.  Talk to your minister, your parents, the children's other grandparents, and if you are still in school, your counselor.  Contact a church related social service group, like Catholic Charities, or Lutheran Social Services, and see if someone there can point you in the direction of counseling and help to keep your kids.

Good luck.

Answer 3

The way you word it makes you sound like you just want someone else to pay finically for your children.

That said it’s not too late for an open adoption, however as has been said OA is not legally enforceable. The children would know you as their first mother, probably call you “Aunt Maggie” They would know the woman who adopts them as Mom.  You would no longer have legal rights to them. You would have no say in how they got parented or disciplined.

Answer 4

I don't think it is too late to do that, but consider a few things:

#1, most important, OPEN ADOPTION IS NOT LEGALLY ENFORCEABLE!!!  The adoptive parents could refuse to allow you to see your children again, and could choose to never communicate with you, and you have no legal recourse.

#2, adoption is usually a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  Whatever is going on right now, I know it's overwhelming, but I promise you it will take less emotional energy to get help and keep your babies, than to separate your family.  (I'm not an adoptee, but this is what I hear.  Please read "The Primal Wound".)

#3, Please read the answers to this question:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

ETA:  I promise you, whatever your financial situation is, your presence, your love, your hugs, are what your babies need.  NOT substitute parents!  NO parents will ever be able to take your place!!!  You are their mommy!!!  (((HUGS)))

Answer 5

Yes, it can be an open adoption. It is admirable that you are thinking of their well being. I cannot imagine giving up my children after having them in my life for 2 years. I think you need to seek help from others and seriously think about what you are about to do. Children don't need a lot of money, they just need your time and your love. An open adoption would not allow you to see them daily or weekly, unless the adoptive parents were okay with that. I think that it would be hard to find an adoptive family that wanted you to take an active roll in being there.

Answer 6

It is not too late for an adoption open or otherwise.  You should contact an adoption lawyer, state DHS or adoption agency.  Check your state laws for legal answers.

I have found a few sites that may be of assistance to you.

http://www.courts.state.co.us/exec/pubed...

http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/s_place...

Good luck to you and the little ones.

Answer 7

You have no idea what this would do to you. I relinquished my son when he was almost 3. I shudder to even think about what it   has done to him, loosing his mommy...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 8

If you haven't reliqueshed your rights in a closed adoption case then it isn't to late to make it an open adoption case.  You would have to remember though once put up for adoption they aren't yours and you aren't their mother and you would need to make sure not to try to be their mother.  Once you sign off on the paperwork they are no longer yours to make decisions about, they would have a new mom that would raise them and your visits would be limited and you would be "biological mom" or called by your first name but you wouldn't be the mom

Answer 9

It is not too late... You need to speak with an attorney.

These arrangements are NOT uncommon and happen very often in a number of situations....

One Example: Sometimes a child has special needs a parent can't take care of on their own--often these children can be placed in open adoption situations...

There is always a possibility to work things out and mother your children!

Care for them well--and meet their needs...talk to an attorney... there may be other ways to get through this.... and it should TAKE TIME as you don't need to make this decision to quickly or you may regret it....

***added: Just to be clear---these feelings and this stress may pass... My oldest children are 14 months apart and it was VERY hard to parent two little ones so young...  It gets better....

***More Added: There are many many families willing and waiting to adopt siblings and siblings this little...  If this is handled privately then you simply Do Not have to agree unless the siblings remain together....

Answer 10

I understand your feelings but I want you to know that there is a very real sense of failure and loss even if you have an opened adoption. Are you ready for 18+ years of feeling the loss? i do not mean to sound harsh I have been there. I had a closed adoption and it was very difficult to sit and wait and wonder. Opened adoption is not inforced and you may end up loosing touch with you children anyway. Are you ready for the years of what lies ahead of you if you do this? Your kids don't want the swimming pool and pony in place of you. You sound young. You can get a better job, you can go to college. The first 2 years are the hardest with any child. Your just starting to come out of the woods so to speak, I am now raising 2 boys that are 11 months apart. I did it alone for the first 5 years. I went to school 2 days a week and worked 3 days a week and I didn't get child support. I was exhausted, but I made it. Your half way to kindergarten. I don't wish what I went through with my daughter on anyone. It was and still is the hardest thing I have ever done and I used to beat myself up daily for it. I felt like a failure for most of my life and it took 20 years to get up the courage to have more kids.

Answer 11

points aside.  I have a 2 yr old and to think of giving him up now would just be wrong for him.  Your children have grown and connected and created a special bond with you that you will never get anywhere else.  I understand your reasons, but just for the sake of the children, I think that may really hurt them and your relationship.  But, who knows, it may work out for everyone.  It's just a sacrafice you're gonna have to make, I guess.  Good luck, I hope whatever you choose works out.

Answer 12

No no matter what , do not give your babies up for adoption. Adoption is not the be all and end all, it truly isnt and later on when its past the really hard yakka you will thank me and everyone who says the same as what I say , for holding on to your babies......

You think you know pain now ? wait until you have given your babies to someone else , you will never think of the word pain in the same way again, nothing will ever compare not even the death of your family members, mother father, sister brother etc

You are ready to be a mother, you have come this far havent you ?

Do you abuse them ?

If you answer no then you deserve to be a mother, you are ready to be a mother

Money isn't everything you know.

Find some help, some handouts, do not be too proud.

From what i believe about open adoption, there is NO Guarantee , you might agree to it and then they move away and cut you out of your babies lives forever....

Please DO NOT Give your babies away...

And worse still you might give the up for adoption, and they may be seperated from each other :(

Take care, seek some help and support....email me if you want a supportive chat x

Answer 13

WOW.

You sound like you're feeling really snowed under - and not knowing where to turn.

For you and your kids sake - I'd say to reach out for all the help possible - but do NOT go down the adoption route.

Put yourself in your children's shoes.

One day - they've got their mum.

The next - she's gone - and she's handed them over to complete strangers - who they now have to call mummy and daddy - and no matter how anyone tries to explain it - they'll feel your loss deeply - for the rest of their lives.

Then - when they're over 18 - they could well be very cranky at you - for not fighting hard to keep them.

Adoption is a long term solution to an often short term problem.

Kids don't need bucket loads of money - they need their mum - they need love - they need to know that you'll be their for them.

They need YOU front and centre.

Get some help.

Help is out there.

'Open' adoptions are all to often closed down - especially when the adoptive parents feel that they can't have full parenting control (ie - when the first mother wants too much input).

AND - there is a real possibility that the kids will be separated.

I've lived adoption for 38 yrs - do the best for these kids - and keep them together - and with you.

You can do it. They're yours. They belong with you.

I wish you all the very best.

Answer 14

So you want to have your cake and eat it too? You want to be mom but not have to pay to be mom. I dont think that is very fair to your children or their new parents. Im sure it must really hurt to be in your situation but you will devistate those familys if you try and destroy their relationships they have established. Im not trying to be rude but Im am an adopted child who had a great and loving adopted family and it would have destroyed my childhood being pulled back and forth and confused by my birthmom.

Answer 15

If the adoption  is finalized no. You should call your worker that took care of your case and ask he/she your question they can better direct you. Good luck

Answer 16

i think yes.

Answer 17

Whichever way you go about this your babies will FEEL ABANDONED.

Look a toddler in the eye and tell them you are giving them to strangers because they can offer more material things; will they understand - no.  Watch their little faces, how utterly cruel.  

I'll be hugging my babes a little tighter today.  Families are forever, they stick together through thick and thin. Poor kids.

ETA:  The early days are the most stressful raising kids.  Rest assured it DOES get easier - take it from someone who had 3 babies under 18 months

Answer 18

wow....2 babies under two!  no wonder you're stressed out!!!!!

keep in mind-  babies don't care about money.  they want their momma.

please check with your county and state for assistance.

your kids will never be the same if you abandon them:(

good luck

xoxo

Answer 19

Anything is possible.

If you are ready to give them up to someone else, go for it.

But with this comes giving the adoptive parents full rights as parents. Im sure the new parents wont mind you being there but if they come from far away it could be hard.

plus you have to take into consideration the fact that they will wonder why you "didnt want them". it gets complicated but you also have to think about yourself once in a while.

best wishes.

;)