Is It Wrong For me to not be Interested in Women with Kids

Question

Here is the situation, I am in my mid-twenties, no kids, graduated from University a few years back, and am now concentrated on furthering my career goals. Plus, I just really don't want a woman who already has kids. I would rather start a family with someone without children, I think it makes for a stronger family; that's not to mention the drama with exes, the fact that many relationships end and there would be a third person involved etc etc, to me it just seems like a lot of excess baggage. Whenever I try to explain this folks look at me like I am shallow for saying it, but I know I can't be the only one thinking it. The real kicker is I have met more than one single mother say that they are not interested in guys with kids, for all the reasons I just gave, and yet they seem disgusted that a guy without kids would feel the same way. What's up with that?

Answer 1

I see nothing wrong with it, however that leaves less than half the women you're going to meet that don't have children. But its up to you.

Answer 2

It is just a personal choice. You are correct in that a woman with kids do bring issues that women without kids bring to the relationship. But never say never, you very well could find the woman that is right for you does have kids.  

Answer 3

I don't blame you; I wouldn't want to deal with all that drama, either.

Answer 4

You're absolutely correct.  Dating a woman with children, an ex-husband, ex-in-laws, the whole 9 yards, can be a chore.  Marrying a woman with all that baggage is even tougher, because now your every weekend, every vacation, every holiday, and every family event are complicated by the ex and the custody and whose turn is it to have the kids for Christmas.  You're young, but you're smart to know already that you don't want to deal with all those issues.

It is not wrong at all for you to be unwilling to date women with children.  Realistically, that does reduce the number of single women available to you.  But so many second marriages fail, and a large number fail because of issues with the children and the ex and the custody hassles.  

Answer 5

I do not think you're wrong at all. I just think its a bit rotten to say it so blatantly in front of people, you do not have to say everything you think.

Its about being subtle and mindful of peoples feelings.

if you say this to people you have no idea who you are upsetting. Years ago I found myself a single mother after a abusive relationship  ,It was hard a lonely and I often thought I would be alone forever. Sitting in my place of work one day a man I respected said he would never go out with a single mother taking on someone else's baggage and that only an idiot would do it.

He just like you is entitled to his opinion and I totally understand were you are coming from. But I went home that say and sobbed my heart out, not because I fancied him (he wasn't good enough for me ;)  ) but because he had more or less said that I  was second hand and my amazing child was just an inconvenience , a hinderance. So what I am saying is , yeah by all means stick to your guns but don't be rude about it cos you don't know you will be offending.

Answer 6

No it is not bad kids are annoying. And don't have kids the world is overpopulated the future will bring many a terrible thing.  

Answer 7

I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to prefer to have your own children.  I imagine most people feel the same way.  Being a step-parent can be a very fraught situation, as I know from what I have read on Marriage and Divorce on here.  I do not think you are shallow for wishing to avoid this role.

However, all three of my husband's brothers married women who already had children from previous relationships, and all of them seem to have been quite happy, so I wouldn't rule out the possibility of happiness with a woman who already has children.

Answer 8

I think you're smart to avoid women with kids.  Who needs the drama?  Especially at your age.  There are plenty of young women for you to start your own family with.  There's nothing shallow about choosing wisely.

Answer 9

It is called  being old fashioned and sensible. it doesn't matter what  poepe think. take my advice, if you can find someone without kids...do it. I had alot of misconceptions about my husband who has a child with someone else. no one tells you all the c**p you have to deal with and it is really not always worth it. I think you are smart and mature.Relationships are hard enough without the baggage and drama. it's your life, live it the way you see fit.

Answer 10

It isn't wrong. It's just a preference.

Answer 11

Why should it be wrong? Its up to you who you wish to be with. A person shouldn't be expected to be interested in single women or men with kids as if they are a charity case.  

Answer 12

That's actually normal because who would like to marry a woman who has already kids from her past relationship unless you really love that woman.

Answer 13

Nothing is wrong with you. I feel the same way, too.

I don't want to become an instant mother and be a part of a burden in which if I could evade from it regardless of the fact even if I like the guy a lot.

Answer 14

No, I call it smart dating.

I don't think it's right to immediately exclude them from your options, but it's definitely not a point in her favor.

Answer 15

You have worked out what you want in your mind and it sounds like a good plan...stop telling people about it though, people are going to get all offended...I was a young mother, divorced and with one child and did not want a man with any children or ex-wives...yes that is selfish but it is what I wanted...so I married a wonderful guy who did not want kids of his own but loved my daughter...sometimes, they are so much alike I wonder if he isn't her 'real' dad..she calls him Daddy and her own biological father has always ignored her...it was a winning situation..we all have a right to do as we see is the best thing for us personally...

Answer 16

Let your life be guided by only one principle.

DO WHAT IS BEST IN YOUR OWN INTEREST.

IGNORE THE WORLD.

And you'll be a happy man.

The "kicker" girls of your question, who do not want men with kids yet feel disgusted at men who do not want girls with kids, are doing just that. They are looking after their own interest.

WT

Answer 17

No, dude, totally ok.  The guy I work with is engaged with a woman with a kid.  Basically, his life is h**l because the ex will teach the little girl to say things like:  "Mommy, I don't want you to marry Joe because that would hurt daddy's feelings."  Now, I'm not saying all exes are like that, but, there are tons of complications.