Is Marriage No Longer "Serious"?

Question

You know I am curious, it seems to me that these days marriage is something that has little value. With how fast people rush into them and how high the divorce rate is, I have to personally wonder if marriage is seriously anything more than a few half-hearted words spoken before one really knows themselves.

I am looking for insight, not from a budding relationship between two people who have just gotten married, but rather from someone who has been married for 10+ years. Long enough to have developed and changed into their own person.

I want truth, is there still love in a relationship? Or is it comfort? Do you still desire one another? Or is it simply routine? What were the circumstances under which you were married? Do you now wish you'd not done it the same way?

I want an explanation if marriage is serious, why and how... And if it's not... Then why it isn't.

Answer 1

Marriage is, and always has been, as 'serious' and strong as the people involved choose to make it.

Answer 2

i believe it depends on the individual......

i take marriage very serious... in my past 27yrs of marriage.. it would have been so easy to just give up and get a divorce at times but... i meant what i said when i took the vows and we worked through everything and our marriage became stronger due to everything that came our way and we met together.. head on....

i think a lot of people these days... if something comes up or does not go their way.. they just give up and get a divorce......

:)

Answer 3

I have not yet been married 10 yrs but have been married almost 5 yrs and before that my hubby and I dated for 6 yrs so it's a total of 11 yrs.  Marriage is about supporting someone you love.  There is much love in marriage but you have to create it because there is no longer the feeling of everything being new and exciting.  Comfort is part of being in a loving and committed relationship. Of course there is still desire if there wasn't then you would have to do something to spice it up cause if you don't that is when the relationship will dwindle.  Marriage is very serious.  Both individuals need to take it seriously and make an effort to make it work.  It is when people get lazy or decide that they prefer to lust over someone rather than work at the relationship they are in that a marriage will fall apart.  There needs to be communication, trust, and commitment.  

Answer 4

In my opinion, I believe that we learn about marriage and relationships by viewing the ones we grew up watching.. i.e. our parents.

How many times have you compared your own marriage to that of your parents or other close family members?  And how many times have you said, well they didn't put up with that and they got divorced so why should I put up with it... and vice versa.

I believe that when you come from a strong household with parents that are still married, happy or not, you value the commitment it takes to stay together and know what it takes to stay together much more.  Because if you don't learn from your own parents then how else will you know how to handle a relationship?

I can specifically recall, when the news came out about Bill Clinton's affair and afterward Hilary still stood by his side. (I know bad example) But I can still recall to this day, my mother saying.. yep, you know what... thats what marriage takes, through thick and thin and good and bad you stand by your spouse... no matter what... good for her.

My parents have been married now for over 30 years, so have my husbands parents... trust me, we have our ups and downs and we are learning from each other and the struggles in a marriage... we even scream and yell and argue divorce.  But when it comes down to it, we are both scared as h**l of ever really leaving each other...

We are both learning day by day how a marriage works, how to make it work and the struggles that come from it.  As of right now we are arguing... its tough, very tough... but i would rather keep ploughing through because no matter what i know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and in the end our marriage will have lasted..  

Answer 5

well although I've been married for only a year my parents have been married for over 36 years. And my husbands have been married for over 25.  My parents still hold hands, and my dad buys her flowers every couple of weeks.  As far as there desire for one another I don't really want to know, but I do know that if my dad even thinks about losing my mom he gets sad.  They are so sweet it makes me want to puke, j/k.  Watching from them and seeing people around me I think it depends on the people.  People seem to take it seriously, and try to keep that spark as much as possible.  Marriage is about love, but comfort does come along with that. I think people have the best of intentions, but sometimes things just fall apart.

Answer 6

I feel that people have an issue with "steps and expectation" in relationships. Allow me to explain;

   Once you start dating someone, and it's going well, you are expected to be exclusive. That's the first step. The second step is committing to a boyfriend/girlfriend status. After a few years of this, People tend to assume that engagement is the next step. They feel there must be something wrong if they've been with a person for any extended period of time without a deeper commitment. I think it all adds up to either religious belief or just the need to advance. People, for the most part have an issue with the lack of change.

   There are also those (such as my parents) who have been together so long, they develope a sense of comfort and routine. This sometimes can make it difficult and scary to move on to anyone else. So they stay, no matter how pathetic and depressing the situation becomes.

   I however do not want to get married EVER. I feel that marriage is just a hidden way of seeking approval from the law or God. I do not need approval, nor a piece of paper stating that my relationship is acceptable. If I wanted to spend my life with someone, I would just do it. I don't need a blessing.

   Guess I'm just doing my part to kill the trend. I hope this is what you were looking for.

                                       -Mel

Answer 7

I wasnt married a very long time but we are an old school couple, god-fearing and married for the right reasons. So whether u think i qualify to answer or not, i dont care i just felt the need to state how i feel on this topic and leave..

I ask the same question all the time. i'd like couples to know that god HATES a divorce and there is a really nice scripture that says..IT IS BETTER NOT TO VOW, THAN TO VOW AND NOT PAY. you cannot go wrong if u put jehovah first in everything. If we listen to what he says and stop trynna get our own tricks to work we wld be happy beyond measure.There are many temptations out there but when we put what god wants b4 our own feelings it works out for the best. you cannot possibly go wrong. thats our secret to being happy and it will always be cuz without him, I wld be so lost like all these ppl on here saying its ok to cheat cuz they're human. thats y they end up so unhappy.

ppl get dicorced over too much stupidity but its usually because they marry for the wrong reasons. my mom always says, how can you expect to end right when you've started wrong?.. and THAT, is the truth.

ok bye now...

Answer 8

In the "olden days" people stayed with husbands/wives w/o love a lot more than now. There was more abuse and society frowned on divorce more. Women were property and had no way to support themselves. Children were raised to help on the farm, marry the neighbor kid and repeat the life style.

People still marry for the wrong reasons, have children before they are ready and fall out of love. I prefer the free choice, even if I have made some mistakes. I was married 16 years until my husband ran off with his best friends wife...so nothing new! It happened back then, it still goes on. At least I had the career and legal backing to allow me to get free and now live a very satisfying life.

Answer 9

you can't handle the truth!!!

few good men

Answer 10

No one person can answer that question for the whole of our society. Marriage is whatever the two people put into it. There always have and always will be people that jump into things without thinking them through. That is true of marriage of credit card debt of teenage baby makers etc.... but there are also good responsible morale people who take life and decisions seriously. And for people like that marriage always has and always will be sacred.