Is Rick Stein the Terror that Cornish Fishermen Scream about?

Question

An old Family Friend of mine came to my door screaming and crying as if the Devil's own were after him. This was at two in the morn, and I was fair Vexed! On looking at the shivering and trembling figure such selfish thoughts were instantly quashed as I gazed at the terror that was etched on Captain Seth's face.

My Wife, pulling her Dressing Gown tightly about her as she came to the fireplace in the Kitchen, concern etched on her face as I passed a

warming Toddy to the shaken Cornish Fisherman Captain friend of ours,

"'Twas a Terror Sire!" He blubbered, grasping on to my PJ Lapels.

"Steady on Sir! You are amongst friends now." States I calming the Doddery old Bugger . . "Tell us! You are safe now."

With that he calmed, huddled in the blanket, his face glowing from the Embers of the Aga's Glowing flames, he regaled a tale of terror that even now, a spasm of fear shoots up me Sphincter on recollection.

It seemed, an innocent enough Fishing trip for Captain Seth and his toothless fellow Fishermen, gurning and talking Gibberish as they sauntered off to get the Nightly Catch. With a handsome Bounty they arrived at their Local, arms akimber with thrashing Sea Bound Wares.

Sitting down to swill their Gobs with Ale, a figure loomed before them.

Stricken with fear, and barely able to speak. . . they found themselves

sat around a table faced with plates of pan fried squid before them.

Yes, it was Rick Stein imposing his Culinary torments on these hapless and terrified simple Fishermen. With the TV cameras glaring at them and the searing Spot Lights, what choice did they have?

Instead of the usual Squid fried in salt and butter, they were subjected to Extra Virgin Olive Oil, with dashes of pepper and Chives, and swishes of Steins waxing gushings about how beautiful Cornwall is, and how lovely it is to have fresh fish on a daily basis. I Shudder!

Anyhow, suffice to say Seth had calmed so and is now as I speak doing what he should be doing, fishing.

And as for you Meeeester Stein, leave these poor people alone, you 'aint in a Wine Bar in London you know.

Answer 1

Worry not, it's unlikely they were real fishermen - probably extras from Birmingham who've never even seen fish before let alone eaten one and the boat/sea was all computer-generated from the Rickstag HQ.

Of course they could have been Spanish fisherman who thought they were being boarded for fishing illegally and just kept smiling and eating the rubbery gloop he served up to avoid having their trawler seized

Was Rick Swine wearing green clothes by any chance?  

Answer 2

The man's a swine! I hope the old sea salt recovers. Have a star to go with the sherry you are no doubt on as you regale us with tales from the deep.  

Answer 3

What a load of old cod ! ! !

Answer 4

Very amusing I could imagine Chalky sniffing round their shaking ankles.

How are things down in Padstein?

Answer 5

What a b*stard....

Answer 6

mmmmm Sea bass.