Is a husband a better father than a boyfriend/partner?

Question

Personally, I don't believe that there is any difference. I am not married to the father of my daughter but I know that he adores both of us and that we are a strong, committed family. However, I have seen some answers on here that say things like "if you can't be bothered to get married you shouldn't have kids" or even "if he is just your boyfriend he could run off and leave you!" Do people still really believe this in the 21st Century? My partner and I know about 20 couples with kids and only 2 of them are married, so what's the problem? I don't think that not being married makes it easier for a father to leave - my sister's husband left her and their daughter with no trouble at all, just because he felt like it! It made no difference to him that they were married. My partner is a great dad and not being married doesn't affect that at all. What do you think?

Answer 1

I think it's all about life insurance, in case of a death. As far as it is easier to leave if you are not married, no, a married man can walk out just as easy. I agree.

Answer 2

I agree with you. My boyfriend on the other hand is desperate to get married. He is a great dad but wants to make it legal.

Answer 3

Depends on the person. It doesn't matter if the guy is an a*****e and is your boyfriend or husband - he's still an a*****e.  

Answer 4

*lol* Cracks me up too.  Divorce is just as easy, and you can "run out" on your wife as easily as a girlfriend

Answer 5

No difference to me either. A husband can run off just as easily too. I don't think being married makes you a better father or mother

Answer 6

To me it is just a title, if a father is a good dad then it doesnt matter if they are married boyfriend or even if the two are not together. It is about the child being happy and thats it. Now-a-days too many people are gettnig divorce where marriage doesnt seem to be a choice to some. People are so judgemental now-a-days and people wonder why there is so many people depressed and so many women have eatin disorders. I think it is stupid, as long as the child is getting what it needs, who cares if your are married to the father or not.  

Answer 7

Husbands can get divorced and run off too. I should know, my dad did, and my parents were married. If you and your partner feel secure enough as a family without needing the piece of paper declaring you married, all the more power to you. Whose life is it anyway?

With the divorce rate being what it is, marriage has been reduced to this piece of paper (and if you're religious, a vow in front of God) and shouldn't make any difference at all to whether people are good parents. Yes it's "technically" easier to leave for him if you're not married, but if he's registered as the father of your child and leaves, he has the same parental obligation as a husband who's left his family through divorce.

That means even legally there isn't a difference suggesting boyfriends/partners can abandon their child more easily than married men. The people who think you *have* to be married to have children these days are either stuck in the past or so religious they're blind to the fact that religion is a personal choice, as is the way you choose to live your life.

I want children someday but I'm not sure I want the whole wedding stuff to go with it, so depending on my partner, I might go the same way you did!

Answer 8

What difference does a piece of paper and a wedding ring make? If your partner is lazy and unhelpful, it's not gonna make him a better father just cos you're married to him.

Answer 9

Don't make any difference if you're married or not.

Answer 10

It's entirely up to you!

But make wills.

Answer 11

dunno cos my dad hates me and he is married to my mum and we live under the same roof but he treats my brothers way better than me but i'm not old enough to move out yet else I would and when I tried to help him once he told me f**k off

Answer 12

hi. i feel like there is nothing lacking in our relationship that a marriage certificate would fulfill.

like you, we are a unit. he absolutely ADORES our daughter. i was kinda scared cos everyone thinks their man wants his first born to be a boy. i was scared he wouldnt he wouldnt bond with her. but watching the 2 of them together is so cute.

i dont disbelieve in marriage, but its not one of my priorities. some of the happiest families i know are the ones who after 10yrs together and 2 kids, they marry.  i really believe that a marriage certificate would not bring anything to our family.

Answer 13

Depends on the man. Husbands can be wife and child beaters. Boyfriends can be loving and nurturing and visa versa. So long as it's a happy family it doesn't matter

Answer 14

I think that more and more people are starting families in committed relationships without being married these days..It's becoming a bit old fashioned...

My "hubby" (not really married) are in a great relationship and have a 14 mo old daughter...just because you signed a piece of paper doesn't make you a better couple or better parents...

a husband can run off and leave you just the same as a boyfriend can..there is such as thing as divorce and i mean more than 50% of people are getting them so marriage really doesn't mean c**p these days..just as you said with your sister...

with the way the economy is as well who can afford a nice wedding these days? i mean the wedding market is superficially high to begin with and between our student loans, car loans, etc..i would much rather save for a down payment on a house than a wedding...

Answer 15

People will leave if they want to leave. Divorce just takes more paperwork.

I'm not married and we do fine.  The baby is a bigger commitment to each other than marriage will ever be.

Answer 16

Makes no difference - married men can still run off and desert their kids - seen it before.

My philosophy - if you are happy - carry on -  

Answer 17

There is no difference but when you are married, it's harder to just pack and leave as you are legally bonded, it means you have to do it in the right way i.e. getting a divorce which makes the process longer and formal.  Whereas if you have a boyfriend, it is still hard when you leave each other but it does not drag on for ages there is no paperwork involved.  I am married and i do not feel any different.  It's the same.  It also depends on some people's religious belief i think.

Answer 18

My husband and I were not married when we had our oldest daughter and he is a great father to her we got married when she was 10 months old and we had our second daughter 6 years later and he is still a great father..but the birth of our 2nd daughter felt alittle bit different to us because I was having a baby with my husband not just my boyfriend...but to answer you question it didn't matter in our sitution..

Answer 19

I don't think it matters married or not..it's all about the individual...my husband is an amazing father but his friend (who is not married) is a terrible father who 'won't have time for his son if the mother and son leave' it's all about maturity and the will to be a good parent.

Answer 20

Marriage is supposed to symbolize the commitment to stay faithful to each other, treat each other with love and respect, and to be there for each other even when things are tough.

BUT REALLY, it's just a piece of paper - no paper can MAKE these things stick. A piece of paper doesn't make you stay in love, stay together or stop you from splitting up. Having a solid loving relationship where you love and respect each other is - and having the strength to grow together as people does.

If you and your mate/boyfriend/husband or whatever are honest with each other, respectful of each other and love each other - then who cares about the paper. You've got something that people search for all their lives AND any kids you have will see this, see how a relationship should work and hopefully find someone for themselves one day.

I know people who have been married for 2 months and had it split up, people who have been married for 60+ years, people who have been together for 30+ years without marriage, people who discovered they preferred the opposite s*x after 10 years of marriage, people who were together for 20 years only to grow apart and everything in between.

No piece of paper made it work or fail - THEY did!  

Many go into marriage thinking the paper will fix everything, or have some idea of what marriage should be, or had things change as they grew older and realized that it no longer worked. Sometimes people change, and sometimes people never change.

I've been married for almost 9 years (this week actually!) and am so glad that its worked out so far. I don't expect we'll be married in five years from now, but I hope that we will be and make sure not to take it for granted. My husband is still my best friend and that's worth more than any piece of paper.

So - after all my babbling (sorry!) I'm 100% with you.



A piece of paper doesn't make anyone different, better or worse.

Congrats to you guys for being who you are and finding each other - your kid(s) will see that and get the true point of relationships.

Answer 21

Absolutely not. My partner is a fantastic Dad, and a loving partner. Why people think a piece of paper makes their relationship more secure is beyond me, and I can't help but gloat a bit when their HUSBANDS "run off and leave."

Answer 22

I don't believe a title affects a person's parental abilities. So because a man is a boyfriend and not a husband.. that makes him less of a dad? No.. a dad is a dad is a dad. Bottom line. The relationship a father has with a mother, has absolutely NO bearing on the relationship the father has with his children.  

Answer 23

I think it depends on the person. If you have a loser that just wanted to knock you up, then, he would be neither. Kyle and I aren't married, {we're engaged!} and we had Melissa during that time period. And also, to answer your question, there is no problem. If you feel that you can be a strong, independent family without marrage, good for you! Go for it! If not, then don't have children, and don't get married. Hope this helps and congrats!

♥

Answer 24

I'm sorry but since when is marriage "a bit old fashioned"...for me personally I waited until I met and fell in love with and MARRIED my husband before starting a family.  Does the fact that we are one in the eyes of God and the state mean that he is more committed to parenting our daughter with me than if we were not married NO...but I think it does mean that his intention is to be my husband until death do us part.

Answer 25

Well I wasn't married to my husband when we had our 4 year old and he was a great dad. Then we got married and had another baby and he was still great. No better or no worse. Exactly the same. You could marry someone after one day of knowing them and they could be a terrible father or you could have a baby with a man you've been with for 10 years and he could be a wonderful father. All what matters is that your in a loving, stable relationship.  

Answer 26

You don't have to be a husband to be a good daddy....

two of my friends got pregnant before marrying the daddies and they proved they were good daddies before being husbands. My other friend had a baby and the daddy was a terrible boyfriend and daddy from the beginning.  

Answer 27

I agree, im not married to the father of my daughter either but it doesnt mean that we arent as equal to the parents who are married. We love each other and we love our daughter and thats all that matters, we dont need to get married to prove that to anyone :)

Answer 28

I don't think it matters weather you are married or just committed. I would rather be with a boyfriend that is happy and a good father than a husband who is unhappy and not a very good father. I think a person just needs to be ready for a child before they are brought into the world. Good luck and don't feel any presure to get married just rasie your child and be happy.

Answer 29

I agree with you completely.  But I think it all depends on the guy.  Just because a father is married to his child's mother does not mean he is a great father.

I guess some ppl look at married couples with children as a stable environment for the kids...which is ridiculous.  I don't think my kids would care whether or not their parents were married.

Answer 30

In reality, a child needs a father who is in a committed  and married relationship.  Marriage generally provides better conditions for the raising of children.

Answer 31

Eh. The only thing that changed when we got married was my last name.

My husband was actually the one who wanted to get married before we had a baby. I didn't really care either way. So, we got married and he knocked me up about six months later. :)

You do whatever is right for your family. It's not really anyone else's business.