Is a legal contract like marrige really essential if a man and a woman are emotionally committed?

Question

Today a woman doesent want to lose her individuality by changing her last name but would gladly embrace the special legal privileges and powers a marrige contract would get her.WHY??

If two people are really so committed why is a legal formality required after all if women have become empowered and prefer their indicviduality over anything else why go for a legal formality?

It is not neccessary for people committed to each other to wear wedding bands or have the same last name so why this institution of marrige in todays age when women are changing it as per their convenience?

Answer 1

It is true that two people who are emotionally committed have no need of a legal contract, especially if they are both agreed on the situation. They can be married to each other without the ceremony. And a woman definately has the right to be financially independent and not take a man's name if she so chooses. However, in my more mature years, I have found that it means something to both parties to make a public show of their commitiment, as a way of showing each other off, or telling the world, making that public announcement in a ceremony can mean a lot to a person.  I never cared for weddings or legal commitments, but now I can see the importance of them in society. If there are kids involved, it may mean something to them, too, in the future if their parents are married or not. I grew up in a hippy lifestyle, and hardly anyone was ever actually married, but now I know that many of the children suffered because of it.

Answer 2

Is marriage just a legal formality to benefit the woman from your perspective?  Because it seems you are trying to put words in others mouths.

Marriage isn't the same thing to everyone.  Some view marriage as a partnership between two people that love each other.  When I think of marriage, the last thing I've thought about was the insurance I'll get(I have my own), the money I'll get(I have my own), tax deductions(I get better ones single), the whatever else you think is a benefit.  See, I don't even know becauase I don't look at it like that.  

There was a time when women didn't think like this.  Jumping over the broom for a slave sure the heck didn't get them insurance and benefits; but it did get them married in love best friends for their lifetime.

Answer 3

I agree, I would welcome a relationship, but I never want to get married, the following is my view on relationships...

It is not so much relationships that seem so unfavorable, but rather marriage. I see it not as a bond between two people, but more so a bond that will eventually come between two people. Let me explain; through my own observations, the height of enjoyment in a relationship always seems to be at the point just before engagement. To me, this makes perfect sense. People would not get married if they didn't love each other, so at that point they really are in love, but rather than grow together after marriage, most couples grow apart; save those who actually like "settling down". I see the perfect relationship (or at least ideal for me), in which two people are in love, but remain the same individuals, and don't feel so obsessed with each other that they must spend every waking moment in the presence of one another. They instead, continue on with their lives to develop their careers, and become the people they set out to be, and still share the same compassion and love for either. Marriage is far too overrated, it is what people do when in love simply because it is somewhat of a tradition, but they don't know what they are getting themselves into. Marriage is for those who would enjoy adding a liability to each action, and adding a whole heck of a lot more responsibility, and not to mention money to each day. Once they decide that they want to have kids they might as well pull off the proverbial highway and prepare to set up camp in the traffic lane of life, where they will undoubtedly have all kinds of crap thrown onto their marital windshield over the course of, at least, the next eighteen years. Then they realize that they are no longer the exciting, free spirited people that they married, they have somehow been morphed into the dull parents that their kids say they are. They find themselves wondering where the passion and true love for each other went, and will never truly get it back. They somehow forget what love is about, it isn't about providing the biggest house, the fanciest cars, or the best brands of clothing for ones family; it is about feeling an indescribable passion and longing for another; a special person that makes one toss logic out the window into a heap of other matters that fade into the category of trivial, when overtaken by such strong emotion that one finds it difficult to think so highly of anything else.

sorry for the monologue.

Answer 4

No - it isn't necessary.  But if people choose to engage in it....why the concern?  Are you truly that offended by a woman not choosing to take a man's name?  What if that woman was well established in a business....and changing her name could negatively affect her earning potential or standing in the business community?  She doesn't love her husband any less....but the taking of his name could impact her life in a negative way.  Doesn't mean that she doesn't want to marry him, or have his children - she just doesn't think its a good idea to take his name!

Get over it!

Answer 5

As Musica points out, marriage provides certain legal benefits to both parties that are not given to unmarried couples.  My husband can be covered by my health insurance, while my unmarried partner can't be.  If one of us were in ICU, the other would have rights to visit and make decisions that we would not have if we were unmarried.  There are other rights given to married couples as well that benefit both.

Answer 6

Well for some people it is very important, not that it signifies the true committment, but having it blessed by their clergyman and witnessed by their loved ones is a big deal.  For others, none of that is necessary and would not change their relationship one bit if they had it.  

As far as the legality of it all, if you live in a state where domestic partnership is not recognized, it is needed for medical benefits and such.

Geat question!

Answer 7

Because its their choice how they want to live their lives not yours.

Answer 8

I dont know........not a feminist.

Answer 9

sorry, but the opposite argument holds more merit... if a couple is truly in love why wouldn't they get married and enjoy the financial benefits associated with marriage.

I agree with super... get over it.

Answer 10

One doesn't need a piece of paper to love.  However, having some sort of agreement or contract probably doesn't hurt when it comes to financial matters, or in life and death cases...but that contract or agreement does NOT have to mean a marriage license!

Example (a true story):

In 1984, I knew of a neighbor couple who had cohabited for more than 20 years. Everyone thought they were husband and wife.  The man was killed by a bus.  Within days, the man's parents who never liked the woman then swoop in and kick the grieving woman out onto the street, and even go so far as to bar her from the funeral!  She gets nothing in terms of assets.  This is a woman who stuck by her man side for TWO DECADES while the parents pretty much disowned him for his choice of partner!  I thought they were being extremely cruel and insensitive.

However, if she were married there'd be no question about it.  

Why shouldn't cohabiting couples aka domestic partners be able to decide for themselves what they want to do...rather than the state dictate to them?

Thank goodness much of this is now changing. These days, in many places you can still have a power of attorney and other legal privilegees without having to get married.

Answer 11

A legal contract for a man and a woman is a beneficial part of being married only for tax purposes. You get more money from your taxes. Just think of it that way. But as far as emotionally, I do believe men and women can be happily together forever. My mom has two friends who have been together 20 years and have never gotten married. But they're adorable and are so perfect for each other. Also, you have to consider the spiritual aspect of the cultural ceremony of a wedding. A lot of people (mainly women) want the precious memory of a wedding and a wedding band to go with it to say "I am married and proud of it." But there are too many people who abuse the true meaning of a marriage and I think the best thing to do in this day and time is to remain dating for the rest of your lives. Too many divorces and children get involved and it's a sad state of affairs. But I still do believe in a happy marriage. But as far as the name change goes: I don't know about all of that. That's a woman's right and who the h**l is going to tell her she can't change that, right? I almost got married last year, but didn't because of circumstances that came up by a$$hole's doing...Anyway, I didn't feel like I was losing my identity, I just knew it wasn't a smart choice to get married to him. And after everything was done and over with the next week, I began asking myself the very question you are. And I came to the above conclusion that it really doesn't matter if you are or aren't married. Just as long as you are in love and the both of you know it, that's all that matters. It's a personal preference for each individual person to decide whether they want that certificate, wedding band, ceremony. I don't think anyone has to be married. I believe it's just pressure that's put on by our society and our parents. Our families want us married and have babies, but you can do that without being married and just being happily together.

Answer 12

No, not essential.  Domestic partnerships now offer many of the same protections (e.g. insurance coverage), depending on the state.

Answer 13

No one says they have to get married.

Answer 14

Essential?  No, but it can add to their emotional committment.  It is essential for legal and often times religious commitments.  Ever try to get information out of the hospital from someone you were not related to?  You gain many legal rights when you marry someone.

Answer 15

It depends on your beliefs.  I believe that you should be married, for the sake of your  sanity.  People usually are harsher on a couple that isn't married, and you wouldn't have as much respect as if you were married.   Also, it depends on your religion.  Some religions think it better, and more important to be married.  Hope this clears it up a bit!

Answer 16

convenience.

me and hubby got married because i'm in the military and if we're married, he gets to go where i go for free, plus free health care (he's got chrons...we NEED the free health care)

oh, and for your information we don't wear our rings unless one of us is out of town or we're going out, and i didn't change my last name. we don't wear the rings because both of us have jobs where that could mean a lost finger, and i didn't change my last name because that's what i enlisted as and that's what i'm staying.

Answer 17

The name change is a preference, you don't need to maintain your last name, or take the other's it's your choice. And it's not really that important, that's just tradition.

But there is a huge benefit to the "formality" of a marriage certificate. There are are tax benefits, and there are the legal protections, the right to shared property, rights with children, being able to decide end of life care for your partner if they are too ill to take care of themselves, and the right to the estate and children should a partner die (otherwise, it'd go to their parents).

Individuality has nothing to do with it, that's like complaining about the color of a lifejacket.

Answer 18

Let me start by saying that I don't think marriage takes away the individuality of either person. Just because you are uniting together does not mean that you are not individuals. As far as the name change is concerned- that is a personal perference.

There are many benefits to being married besides wedding bands and having the same last name. The way I see it, the main benefit of marriage has nothing to do with legality.

When you become married, your perception of one and other changes. Your commitment level increases, even if you had been together for a long time and/or already share the same household. You take things more seriously. Your entire relationship changes.

Still, getting married isn't neccessary. It's a personal choice.

Answer 19

No one says you have to get married and if people aren't ready for everything that comes with it (including the name change) they shouldn't do it.  But, marriage is more than a legal formality it's a commitment.  You can be committed and not be married.  However once you make a vow in front of all your family and friends things are a little more serious.