Is a mildly delayed child capable of knowing the difference between reality and fantasy or mix both?

Question

I have a 12 year old child which is mildly retarded, which does not seem to know the diffence sometimes and it sometimes gets other people in trouble because of what he says, then at times after he says them he recants how can I know for sure

Answer 1

Unfortunately, there's not really an answer here, it's down to the individual and he doesn't sound like he does know.

As to whether he is capable of learning the difference, well that's a very hard question.

Do you think he knows the difference but chooses not to say the truth? not so much a lie, as just not true, in the way a five year old will say he spoke to a rabbit. He didn't and he knows he didn't but he thinks it's ok to say he did.

The significance changes as the child gets older and more gravity is placed on what he says.

I worked with a learning disabled girl of 24, who on two occasions literally got to the court house steps with two seperate male nurses she had accused of sexually molesting her, before she recanted her allegations.

The biggest problem is likely to be deciding if you do or don't believe them. In this girls case, we were forewarned when she came to us. What would have happened if someone really had molested her? would we have been as quick to assume it was true? or would we have been sceptical?

If it were my child, I would ask the people involved in their care to refer all problems or allegations to me before acting on them so you yourself can check if you think this is likely or unlikely. If it's the same thing over and over about the same person, chances are, there is a problem of some sort. I think the danger really is to assume it's not true. Keep an open mind but remember that even children without learning disabilites sometimes tell untruths about other kids, and that's a normal part of the growing up process.

Answer 2

I think it is understandable if they mixed the two up.  I mean we are always pushing kids to have a good imagination and such, but want to keep them grounded in reality.

I think if you keep working with them you will be able to help them understand the difference as much as they can.  Just don't get upset at them or yell when they do things like the example you gave.  Just continue to help them out and encourage them.

Answer 3

There is no real way to know for sure whether or not they understand. My little brother is 13, autistic, but he does understand about things like heaven, earth, God, h**l, and even the apocolypse. He almost had me crying the other day because he randomly said, "We're gonna die someday." And he looked very thoughtful and I said, "Yes, Noah, everyone has to die someday." And he said, "Yeah," then he paused for a couple seconds and he looked up at me and said, "But God is going to save us."