Is a reception for a destination wedding just a grab for gifts?

Question

My nephew is getting married and he and his fiance have decided on a destination wedding. They did not want all the "hassle" of a traditional wedding.

He and his fiance and another couple are going to an island and getting married.

I can accept this and respect their wishes. Over and over they have said that they are glad that they are avoiding the "hassle". I remember my own wedding and sometimes wish we had just eloped.

Suddenly, a big reception is being planned for the weekend after their return. To me this seems just like a convenient way to avoid their social obligations while grabbing for gifts.

Life is about choices...once a choice is made we have to live with the consequences, both good and bad.

Answer 1

I agree with sunny.  The only thing the guests will be missing out on is the ceremony.  So really, they haven't really avoided the "hassle" after all since the reception takes a lot more planning and $ than the ceremony.

Answer 2

My fiance and I are having a sort of destination wedding (Las Vegas) and never planned on having any sort of reception.  As we've made our plans known, however, many of our friends and relatives (my family, mostly) is making it clear that they wish to attend a reception closer to home afterward.  With the cost of travel what it is, most of them can't afford to come with us to Vegas, so they still want the party.  We hadn't planned on spending the cash so we're just having a very casual BBQ-style do at my aunt's house a couple of months after the ceremony - in summer when the weather is best.  As for gifts, we need nothing and we are spreading the word via the family grapevine that no gifts are necessary - that we only need their presence and not their presents.

Much of the time the reception is not so much for the couple as it is for the loved ones - I didn't think anyone would care if we had one or not but it's become quite apparent that it's not only desired but expected by my relatives.

Answer 3

I would think they are getting guilted by their family into throwing a reception that everyone can attend.  If you talked to the couple I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't even want to do this reception but that their destination wedding offended someone and they are just trying to make nice with everyone.  At least that is becoming a pretty common reason that people do that.

Answer 4

I totally agree with your last statement. If a couple decides to have a destination wedding, then that should be IT. Whoever went, went. Not for them to come back and have a reception....

What is PROPER if someone chooses to do the later reception, is for them to put "No gifts, please" on the invitation, since the guests were not invited to the ceremony. However, I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts, they don't bother with THAT little bit of etiquette!

Answer 5

A lot of people have a reception after a destination wedding to include everyone that could not be there at the wedding.  you can share the day with them and celebrate together.  Its not just about gifts.  

Answer 6

I agree with you. I feel that having a destination wedding or eloping and then a reception at home is just like saying, "We don't want you to witness the moment or share the joy of the marriage but we would like you to come to our big party!" Even if you list No Gifts on the invite you KNOW people will bring them...

I know alot of people don't see it that way but that's how it comes across to me. I would much rather be at the wedding ceremony to witness the vows and covenant than at the reception only. That's just a party to celebrate the joys of the marriage that you witnessed - or in this case didn't.

The people I know who had destination weddings (only 2 couples) didn't have a reception at home, they celebrated with their wedding parties on the island where they got married. That was far more than good enough for them. Both couples informed their family and friends of the marriage beforehand and everyone was supportive of their endeavours.

You are not alone in your thinking ( =

Answer 7

I think you are being much too judgemental w/o havingspoken to them about this.  They don't have to discuss their intentions w/ you and besides, destination wedding are most commonly and most expectedly followed up with a reception so their friiends and family can have a party gathering to congratulate the happy couple.  I think you need to look into yourself about why you are having issues with this.  

It also seems obvious that you don't realize what they are doing is quite common.  To NOT have a reception following a destination wedding is actually, quite out of the norm.   If you think they are being greedy, then just don't give them a gift.  

Answer 8

I hate that practice, and completely agree with you.

By definition (according to Wikipedia) a reception is: a noun form of receiving, or to receive something, such as information, art, experience, or people. Well, I don't really see how you can "receive" a couple that's already been married for a week or so.

That said, obviously a wedding is something that should be celebrated even if people can't make it to the actual ceremony. That's why you have a more low-key "celebration" when the couple returns, not a full-out reception.

Answer 9

"You cant have your cake and eat it too" applies here. If they want a destination wedding, they forgo the big reception party. If you go to the JOP now, you forgo your dream wedding and you cant do it again later. If you want an evening wedding, you have to serve more than cake and Hot Pockets. Etc...

A lot of couples these days seem to think they are entitled to everything on their wedding day. I think you choose the kind of wedding you want, and just stick to that.

If your nephew and his fiance didnt want to bother with the hassle, why are they having a reception? In my opinion, its the reception thats the hassle, not the ceremony! I dont follow their logic, so yes, I feel that they are grabbing for gifts, and they want to prolong their moment in the spotlight as long as possible.

Answer 10

I actually agree with you.  If you don't want relatives and friends to attend your wedding, why hold a reception?  That is different from couples marrying because one is going into the military or certain other situations.  I'd even allow for the couple that had always wanted to be married by Elvis in Las Vegas.   I have to say that I've never attended one of these receptions held after a destination wedding, nor purchased a gift.  However, they were never family members. I might choose differently then.

This is very different, though, from the couple who gets married during a weekday and then has the reception at night.  I have no issues with that.

Answer 11

I looked up the etiquette for this question, as one person answered it that way but then included no source, so here is what one wedding website says on the topic:

Destination Wedding Etiquette

Destination weddings have become very popular in the last few years with good reason. We tend to be very busy people with little time to prepare for a huge traditional wedding. Many destination sites will organize everything for the bride and groom leaving little to do besides to show up and get hitched. This style of wedding has great appeal, but there are some minuses to balance out some of the pluses. So, as you would with any style of wedding, please think it though thoroughly.

And because destination wedding have become so popular so quickly, etiquette rules have had to move quickly to keep up. However, we shouldn’t just throw all of these traditional rules out the cruise ship window. Some rules still apply.

Consider your guests and their ability to pay for their travel and lodging expense.

Look for group rates and suggest hotels for wide range of budgets.

You may have a very small attendance.

Mail those ‘Save the Date’ cards well in advance, so your guest can make travel arrangements.

The bride and groom are responsible for the lodging of their attendants.

Only send invitations to those whom you want to come to your wedding.

You might be surprised at how many actually show up!

Some family members may be very upt you chose to marry away from home. As with all relationship building and maintaining, an open line of communication is key.

**Destination wedding couples can have a reception when they return.**

This will help those family members who could not attend the wedding feel as if they are a part of your celebration.

Note: Guests, please mail your gifts to the couple’s home or the home of the bride’s mother.

Note: Because guests have to travel to places they may not have visited before for the destination wedding, it would be best to suggest the dress code for their stay. Most destination weddings seem to be in warm tropical weather locations so these dress codes may be perfect.

‘Resort attire’ is a great example of a dress code that you might list. It means good quality summer attire that you would feel comfortable wearing to a golf club or country club. This could include good quality shorts, button and polo shirts, short skirts, sandals, and newish sneakers—no flip-flops, tank tops, t-shirts, or too much skin.

‘Evening resort attire’ is very similar to what we would feel comfortable wearing to a country club in the evening. Slacks and a nice shirt (jacket optional) for men and a dress or nice separates are perfect for women--no sneakers, flip-flops, t-shirts, or shorts.

‘Dressy casual’ is slacks with a nice top (for either gender), knee-length skirt with a quality top or a dress that you would wear to a restaurant. Shorts would be fine, but these should not be too short or cut-offs—no t-shirts or flip-flops.

‘Cocktail attire’ is usually the basic black dress and a suit for a man. For warmer, just think of that dress in lighter fabrics and you are on your way.

If you notice, it's perfectly ok for them to want to have a reception when they return home. The reasoning behind this is not to get gifts, but instead to celebrate their wedding and to allow people to see the ceremony through pictures if they couldn't make it to the actual wedding. If they were so concerned about gifts, they would just have several showers before the wedding and invite people to that. Maybe they themselves are not actually throwing the reception. Who knows? Speak to the bride and groom about what's going on with the reception. I would also suggest they use the word celebration instead of reception, and include a note that gifts are appreciated but not necessary.