Is a second child really that much more work?

Question

Originally we had said that we wouldn't think about having a second child until we could afford live-in help.

But lately we've been thinking that our daughter would like a little sibling, and there are so many practical reasons to have your kids closer together.

I'm just afraid that I'll become a slave to my kids. Now, I can haul my 1-year-old around wherever I go with little effort on my hip. But if we have a second, I'll have to carry a stroller everywhere and constantly be chasing my kids around. Will I still be able to have a life? Or will everything become so much trouble that I end up staying home or spending all my time at the playground instead of doing the things I enjoy?

Answer 1

Live in help??  Don't have any more kids, if you are not willing to raise them yourself.  Yes, it's harder having two, and you have to be willing to make sacrifices.  Putting a stroller in the car really isn't the hassle you make it out to be, but if you think that's too hard, you are not equipped to care for another child.

Answer 2

Yes, it's that much more work.  I didn't think it would be, but it totally is.  In the beginning, I stayed home almost always.  I had 2 in diapers and wow...that was a pain.  Now that they are 4 & 2.5, I wouldn't change it for the world.  They are so close....best friends.  My kids are 21 months apart and even though in the beginning I thought I would lose my mind, it's great now.  And to answer your question....it's not just TWICE the work...it's 3 times the work.  You have each child individually and then the craziness that they create together! LOL

Answer 3

keep them close in age or real far apart, it will be more work. save up for a postpartum doula, sometimes you can find free ones working towards certification. Providing yourself with you time is not selfish if it allows you to be a better parent by getting a break and having more energy to parent and play. Anyone who thinks they have all the answers are seriously mistaken and will inevitably make many mistakes.

Answer 4

i've got two little ones (3 1/2 and 10 months).  life didn't get "harder," it was just another change.  the second baby is a lot easier because you know more of what you're doing.  and if you wait until the first baby is a little older and a little more able to be independent (mine was 2 years 11 months when # 2 was born), it's even easier.  sure you'll need a stroller just like you did for your first baby, but the other one can hold your hand.  or, sit the older one in a stroller and buy a baby carrier (great invention).  you won't spend all your time home unless you do now i guess.  if you're thinking another child will just be an inconvenience instead of a gift, maybe you aren't ready to have another one?  good luck to you.

Answer 5

There are LOTS of people out there who have two children, even 4 or more children with out live in help.

However, with the fears that you have, it would be best that you not have a second child.

Answer 6

I think with the second one you are alot less anxious. So the emotional toil (anxiety) tends to be less. Even with my daughter, who was my second, she was alot more work than my son. But I felt more overwhelmed and anxious with my son. So that part is definately easier.

Managing two little ones is harder. You have two to watch after, even if one is doing fine at the grocery store the other can be having a fit.  So with two, I often find that I go to the grocery store when my husband gets home or early Saturday morning. It's just easier. The benefit of having them close together is that they can be playmates. Ultimately they will be able to do the same activities.

The only downfall, is that you have a one year old. As your oldest moves towards two years, they tend to get more difficult (terrible twos). So you may be dealing with an infant and a toddler who loves to have tantrums you may be really stressed.

I went for two because I really wanted my kids to have a sibling. My husband is an only child, and as his parents are getting older he realizes that he will be the only one that will have to deal with there care when the time comes. Plus, he always said he wished he had a sibling growing up.

If you have a second, you may just want to get a babysitter for a few hours for a few days a week. You wouldn't need someone to live with you, just give you some time to do what you want.  Au pairs are also pretty reasonable. You have them for a year, the price is usually $6000 for expenses (visa, health care,ect) plus around $180/week for 45 hours of childcare per week. (and they usually will do housework that is child related). So it's definately a more affordable option if you want a more steady available helper.

Answer 7

I have 4 kids and I am a stay at home mom. I actually think that if you have 2 kids or more, it helps. Then they are able to entertain each other more, especially when they're a little  older. Some days when I'm only watching 2 of my kids, it's actually harder than watching 4! But, I personally love that my children have siblings. It actually makes life easier for me in many ways. :)

Hope that helps!

Answer 8

Having a second child when your first child is still a toddler is going to be a whole lot of work. Both babies and toddlers require a lot of attention and that attention will have to be divided between your little ones. If you work, it'll be more difficult because you'll have less time to do it all.

If your live-in help is only for domestic work, then yes- you will be spending a lot of time chasing your kids around. It would be different if you were hiring a nanny, who could help with your kids. For a while, you will not have much of a life on your own. For a while, quality time with each child and your husband will take up the majority of your day. That won't leave you much "me" time if the things you enjoy are outside of either your kids or your husband.

It's not as if that type of schedule will be forever and always. The older your kids get, the less attention they're require from you. What you can do is get your husband to help out where he can. If he can watch the kids for a few hours while you get out the house, let him. If you have other family whom you trust and is able to watch your kids, let them. The more help you have, the more time you'll have to balance all that you need to.

I'm about 31wks with my second child. I have a 9yr old son though. I never, ever thought about having another child so this second one was somewhat a surprise. However, from seeing other parents and what they go through toting a child, a toddler, and a baby, I'm awful glad my children aren't close in age. I've had quite a bit of "me" time since my first son was born so the absence of that time right now, don't bother me so much.

Also, don't feel bad about wanting to hire domestic help. I hate to clean too and I could care less what another person's opinion is on that. No one lives in your house but you guys. No one else's opinion matters on what you do in your house.

Answer 9

A 2nd child is more work.  Make sure you wait a little longer before having the 2nd.  It's harder when they are closer in age.  Mine are 23 months apart - and it's perfect.  I didn't have 2 kids in diapers, and the older one was a great help to me.  If they are closer in age, you really are dealing with 2 babies - might as well have twins ;)

Anyway, we had help come in once a week to clean the house and do laundry.  If you can afford a live-in... go for it.  Make sure it's someone you feel good about and trust.  You can even have them come in a few times a week.  Or even daily.  Sounds like you work a job too.  If that's the case,  you'll definitely want someone.  My cousin has a lady that comes in everyday.  She watched the kids, cooks, cleans, etc etc etc.  She doesn't live in - she's got a husband and family of her own.  This is her job.

Time for you is very important.  You may not get it as often as you did before kids, or as you do now, but make sure you make the time for it.  My husband and I go on dates and all sorts of fun stuff... sneek some time for us while the kids nap, etc.  If you have a good support structure with family around - that helps too.

Hope this helps.

Answer 10

That depends on what you can handle, but remember everything you went through with he first one and thats is how it'll be with the second PLUS the first one yet as well. It's literally going to be double everything you have had and have now. Most people would say its worth it, but if you aren't ready to give up "you" time, then I'd probably tell you to wait.

Answer 11

I have twins.

If you aren't willing to give all you have to your kids perhaps you just shouldn't have anymore.

Of course it will be more work, but if you can adhere to a schedule it's not so bad.

Welcome to Parenthood. Its no longer all about you.

Answer 12

Yes, but there worth it.

I'm due in 16 day's with #3

Answer 13

You don't want to be a mother Twins mum is right you wanna pop the kids out but YOU don't wanna do the Mummy things ..tell ya what GET A DOG they don't require much playing with and taking up too much of your precious time !

Answer 14

Oh and why would you need live in help with two children ..if  you think you cannot cope why would you have a second, i have twins and although live in help would have been great with two newborns i wouldn't have anyway they are my kids therefore i should bring them up not let some live in help do it for me !

Sounds like you already resent the child you have now

Answer 15

try having twins!...i did....they are 16 now but really there is no more work involved...you just do everything twice.....if you are worried about doing the things you enjoy instead of nurturing your child then you dont need to have one....you said you thought your daughter would like a sibling....from the remainder of your post i say get her a puppy instead

Answer 16

Don't listen to the rude answers...this is your life and your child's (or someday children's) life.  

I love my 3 children....I wouldn't trade them for the world!  

About a year ago my husband and I decided it might be better if I became a stay at home mom.  I quit my job and thought my life was going to be perfect....I was so wrong!!!  I think some people can handle the stay home thing and others (like me) need the work to keep them motivated at home.  I was much more productive, happy, organized when I juggled work & family - I never thought that would be me!!

Good luck!! Follow your heart.

Answer 17

Amber

With a newborn baby, I can assure you it's sooo much work with a second baby. I speak for at least 6 mothers who have newborns with a child who is at least 1 year old. It's a crazy time and my life is on hold. I love my children but I need me time or I wont be a good mum.

A lot of the responses are from mums that have older babies (due to where the question was posted) and seem to have forgotten how much work it is particularly how your life will be put on hold for about 6 months.

Judgemental cow to tell you that you should buy a dog. f**k off.

You have articulated your response/point of view fantastically.

Good luck with your decision either way.

Answer 18

Seriously, it really isn't much different. My kids are 20 months apart. You are already in mom mode... It doesn't change much at all. As toddlers, they will play together too. Keep each other busy and you don't have to play all the time! Mine are 11 and 10 now. Fight some times, but really each others best friend! Go for it if it's really what you want! Good Luck!

Answer 19

no , but a 3rd and 4th are , =)

Answer 20

At first the second one is more work, but when they get older it is sooooo much easier because they go off and play together. Don't think of it as having another baby, but another person. Think longterm. If you are worrying about losing time to do things for yourself because of your kids, you shouldn't have another one.

Answer 21

I have two and it was easier as my eldest really helped out and now they are five and eight, they play with each other and are great company for each other. I feel the way you do about three.

Answer 22

I have a 3 yr old and a 5 month old. I thought 1 child was challenging at times, but 2 is even harder. I am a stay at home mom, and I dont take them out by myself at all right now. I wouldnt trade them for anything, they are my world. However, you will be raising two babies at one time now and maybe you wont be able to enjoy your little girl as much because you will be starting the whole infant process all over again. Mine are 3 yrs apart almost to the day, I think its a good age difference.  Good Luck!!

Answer 23

yes and cost!!

Answer 24

I have 4 children.  My 1st three were spaced 3 1-2 years apart allowing them to be weaned and potty trained before adding to the work ;-) My last (bonus) baby came just 2 years after my third child was born.  It was considerably more work but not too bad, #3 son just still wanted to be held alot and would say "Hold me both" as he perched on the arm of the recliner while I fed his brother.  I would have liked to have been able to devote more time to him as a yound toddler but it all turned out okay.  They are all fine young men now.  More than one child does provide a playmate and that in itself gives you more time to do what you want to do.

Answer 25

It's all about balance and compromise - of course you needn't be a slave to your kids! It's always nice to have a support network in terms of having babysitters available or day care for when you need a bit of 'me-time', even if that just means a lone trip to the store or a bubble bath!

I'm expecting my second child too [19 weeks along] and feeling as though I will have to make some pretty big changes in terms of routine, but it will all be worth it. My daughter is two, and it helps she is up and about walking quite well on her own. I've invested in a brilliant double stroller that means baby will have her supported section so I can see her and access her easily, whilst tot can ride in the attatched stroller section in front. A bit like a regular stroller with a travel-seat attatched to the back!

Answer 26

I don't mean this rudely, but I was under the impression that people had children because they enjoy them.

If you don't enjoy spending the day at the playground and would rather be doing things you enjoy- perhaps another child isn't in the cards right now.  If you don't want to be chasing little bundles of joy around- you might want to rethink the idea of having more than one child.

You don't have to sacrifice everything that you are to have kids, but you seem like playing on the playground is more of a burden than a joy.  

The "things you enjoy" should be your children, playing with them, and seeing them grow.  Not leaving them with "live in help" (why would you want someone else raising your children) and doing other things.  

I have a 2 year old and an 11 month old (who just learned to walk).  Yes, a second child really is that much work.  You can't do the "sleep when baby sleeps" thing because you have another child to worry about.  Everything that you did with one will be doubled because you have two.  I always have a stroller in my car.  I always have a baby sling in my purse.

If you are worried about sacrificing the "things you enjoy" to days on the playground- don't have another.

Answer 27

Yes and no. When it comes to going places and getting them ready for school and day care it gets hectic. But, they do keep each other occupied (sometimes)

It does take more time. I have 2 boys and have less me time. Sometimes taking a simple shower is a task lol

Answer 28

My mom said it wasn't...as long as they aren't too close, so you're second child is a baby when your first is.

Answer 29

well, I have a 2 yr old and an 8 month old. I dont think 2 is harder. They entertain each other, and are both pretty good. The trips to the store were hard at first, but now that they are bigger its getting easier. I think there are way more pros than cons.Its so sweet to watch your children play together. I love mine being close together in age, because they will probably have more in common.(Who knows) Good luck with whatever you decide, but in my experience, I wouldnt have it any other way!