Is a teenager's conduct a reflection of a parent's character or values?

Question

If a teenager commits a crime, engages in promiscuous behavior, or is disrespectful to others, to what extent (if at all) do these behaviors reflect negatively on his/her parents?

If a teenager is law-abiding, waits for marriage to have s*x, and is respectful to others to what extent (if at all) do these behaviors reflect positively on his/her parents?

Answer 1

A little bit nurture, a lot of nature.  Genetics, life experience, and the culture we live in have more to do with teenager's character than parenting.  But parenting is the one thing we have a little more control over, and it takes a wise parent to balance out all of these contributing factors and effectively parent each child accordingly.  I have seen siblings, all raised in the same way by the same parents, turn out very differently.  

Unfortunately, parents are often blamed for children's rebellion, and this is actually a normal part of growing into adulthood.  A child's brain is not fully developed until age 25.

Answer 2

I don't think so, you have a kid and you take your chance- they can either turn out good or bad.

Answer 3

My belief on this subject is : I don't take credit for the things my  kids did right....and I don't take the blame for what they did wrong.

We can only prepare our kids for life - with a bit of luck, they turn out OK. But as for parents taking the blame / credit for what the kids do, no thanks. I think all parents deserve a medal just for being there.

Answer 4

Absolutely NO.   The best of parents, loving, giving, helpful, wise etc. etc. sometimes run into choices of their children, that they are aghast at.   My oldest daughter got married when she was 18.  It definitely, was not my choice, but it turned out to be a great marriage, with two beautiful, intelligent children.

All we can do as parents, is try to install our beliefs and show by example, the way we choose to live.  With peer pressure, and all the competition etc. in schools, it is so much more challenging to teens, than it was for us.  Did you have to live amongst peers who were on drugs, drinking heavily, smoking, swearing, having s*x at a very early age.   I wonder how we would have managed it under those conditions.   We can only be an example of being the best that we can be, love them, and let them know that we are always there for them, no matter what.   I presume you are asking this question in connection with the Republican Vice President.    She has made some excellent choices in her life (I am an Obama supporter) i.e. having her wonderful Downs Syndrome Child.  I am also sure that she has been the best mother she could possibly be.

I do not judge her, but I honestly must say that I feel for that teen age daughter, who suddenly is known by the whole world, in a negative way.   I really hope that it doesn't do emotional harm to her in any way.

Answer 5

I think a teens behavior is a reflection of how well his/her parents influence is still a part of their decision making. Once teens reach a certain age, they make decisions on their own, and those decisions may or may not have anything to do with their parent's values..how many of us know families where the parents try their best and are good role models but the kid wants to go in a different direction?

Answer 6

All parents can do is teach their children right from wrong and set a good example but that in no way guarantees that the child when they get to be a teen will be perfect. Some teens will do the exact opposite of what the parents want out of rebellion. Others have emotional problems or succumb to the influence of peers or drugs. Much of this is out of the parent's control so I don't think it is a bad reflection on them.

Answer 7

I don't feel it should be that way. I had great parents, but that didn't stop me from trying things as a teen. My conduct was a reflection of my OWN character and values at that time, not theirs.

As parents, my husband and I went through the same thing. At a certain point, whatever influence we thought we had on our boys was gone the moment they stepped out the door and went off with their friends. ( And I WAS at stay-at-home mom and there 24/7!)

Curiosity and peer pressure are dangerous when combined.

Just as I think a teen has to own and take responsibility for bad behavior, I also think that they are the ones who should be given respect and credit for good behavior. They earned it.

Answer 8

A parent can instill moral values, respect, compassion etc in their children, but children will be children. They are curious and may believe they are infallible. Sometimes parents, and grandparents tend to forget as we get older, what it was like being a teen. Many a teen has shown rebellious ways and in due time, come back to being responsible adults. We can only hope that our children will follow our instruction, but we also have to allow them to make their own mistakes, and when they do, learn from them.

Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

I believe if a child wanders from that training, if he or she was indeed trained in the way they should go, though they venture, chances are, they will return to their upbringing. Example...the prodical son.

If a child lives in a home of alcholism, drugs and non law abiding, it does have an effect on them. How could it not? It is what they have lived in, and that is what they know. This being what is referred to as a 'product of their environment.' Things happen in life, there are a lot of boo boos. We don't love our children any less. We are hurt when they make poor choices, but we have to allow them to have 'some' independence, even as teens.

There is no manual, and there may be a lot of trial and error, but we can hope and pray that our children will be the best they can be.

Answer 9

Once a child gets a certain age a parent is no longer held accountable.  With laws the way they are now you can barely correct your children without fear of their being taken and put in a really abusive home. They are allowed to make adult decisions a to young of age.  Which leads to making more at an even younger age.  Sometimes it is just purely gentic.I can give 4 really good examples if needed.

Answer 10

The greatest part is in the first three years... that is when "personality" is formed... and that is when the "parents" responsibility is greatest... also, after that there is much influence from "society"... that also must be controlled to some extent by the parents... but by the teen years, hormones and society have the greater influence.

Answer 11

Hello,  With all the guidance given them, they are who they want to be as we are all given a conscience, lets us know right from wrong, the good and the bad.

Answer 12

i dont think so , i mean , wat about the kids who grow up in abusive households who grow up to be law abiding citizens , i think a teenagers conduct is a product of the teenager , wat they believe and wat they choose to do , not focusing on wat the parents do . i think there conduct is a reflection on the values that the teenager has through life experience  

Answer 13

Think it depends on the kid, how much time a parent spends with the kid and how much respect a kid might have or there parent.

Think it's interesting when they pole the kids about who they would vote for in up coming elections - even though they can't vote.

Think the biggest problem are pear groups and what goes on in those groups - s*x, drugs & violence.

Answer 14

interesting - i don't think the negative behavior generally reflects badly on parents, because teenagers generally rebel and do, well... risky and stupid things.

but i DO think that a teenagers GOOD behavior reflects

on his/her parents.

Answer 15

I hope so because my Mom was a real character.

Answer 16

Teenagers by definition have poor impulse control.  Parents can talk themselves blue in the face, provide appropriate activities and support for their teens, give them unconditional love, take them to church, monitor their schoolwork, etc., and invariably most will make at least one serious mistake during their teen years.  Some cheat at school, some might shoplift a lip gloss, some might drink alcohol or smoke weed, some might have s*x.  Parents can't keep their children hermetically sealed and expect them to become independent adults.  They also can't always be there to protect them from their own impulsive behavior.

Of course, there are bad parents, but even the very best parents will not make it through the teen years without problems.

Answer 17

If it was still 1953, it most certainly would & did back in those good old days.  

But it's 2008 & the world is a different place.  When parents & caregivers show & practice unconditional love for their children & family members, then when mistakes are made....those mistakes can be life enhancing, rather than life ending, as it often is in a dysfunctional home environment where parents put conditions on love.  Showing UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is the key to helping a person overcome a few poor choices & grow to be a more productive citizen in their adult years.

Answer 18

To a certain extent yes. But everyone has a choice at the end of the day. Acept that your are responsible for your actions.

Answer 19

negative behavior is always blamed on the parents and should be so, many parents chose to work and give their kids as much as possible but in exchange neglect the most important task of all. In those cases the parent is at fault for not making sure that the child is taken care of and given all the supervision that they need from their parents and pass the buck on to a sitter or someone that could careless about manners. They are sitters supervising that they do not get hurt but he morals are forgotten and YES, it is the responsibility of the parents to some extent.

Good manners if they were shown at home then are due to the good bringing up of parents and they will know what the world expects of them when they become young teenagers then adults..

Unless they are brain deprived then it wouldn't be the fault of the parents. I mean legally sick or something like that.  

Answer 20

If a child puts a bullet in the furnace, it reflects on his/her parents, says Comedian Bill Cosby.

Answer 21

NOt always ! By the teen years they've been introduced to so many different people and  ways of life that what their parents told them probably lays dormant by now.  But it will surface in time-------I'm still waiting for it to show in my 44 and 46 years old sons though.

Answer 22

yes and no.

i have crappy biological parents. my mom does drugs,sleeps around,my dad is abusive alcoholic,

they divorced when i was 2. when i was 4 my dad remarried and now[im 18] they are divorcing. i live with my stepmom. i dont smoke or drink, and im waiting for marriage. i have several good role models. my stepmom and people in my church who i look up to :)

how ever my cousins smoke and drink and sleep around like their moms and dads. so its really the individuals choice. but the parents do affect the child

Answer 23

no - at best it is an artefact like persistence of vision rather than like a reflection in a mirror

free will is a guarantee from God - if a person commits to an act, it is their free will and has nearly nothing to do with any other human

parents can rejoice and others can praise when a young person manages to absorb this world without becoming hardened or mean

if somehow the young person does not find a just or decent or crime-frre path we can all hope they get on track.

that movie "This Boys Life" with Leo DiCaprio and DeNiro was on this past weekend - good flick to watch to give some perspective - tragic and hard to watch sometimes, but still very illustrative