Is adoption a crutch?

Question

that you blame all your problems on

Answer 1

Ziggy,

great question but you can find the answer by skimming through other answers.  Many will blame all their life's pain on being adopted and focus on that.  It is the reason that they drink, that they're depressed, that they're unemotional or emotional, etc etc etc....of course they use it as a crutch.

Makes me wonder what bios get to blame RAD, drug and alcohol abuse, depression, etc on.  Guess they don't get the same fun adoptees get, do they?

Answer 2

sure. it's perceived as a crutch...to those who don't have experience with it...nor wish to accept that systemic forces adversely impact other people. especially if the "crutch" benefits another, more powerful group.

the same argument has been made regarding:

-sexism (or blaming all problems on being female)

-racism (or blaming all problems on being minority)

-homophobia (or blaming all problems on being g*y)

-et al...

and these arguments are just as lame as the "adoption as crutch" argument.

quite honestly, i get offended when the issue of s*x or race are perceived as a crutch from someone who has neither experienced sexism nor racism.  and i emphathetically feel offended for those adoptees who are told that their experiences with adoption are in someway a crutch, by people who might not have experienced these people's pain.

Answer 3

I've met some people who do that, yeah, but not all of us do.  In the end, your problems are yours, no matter where they came from.

Answer 4

Excuse me?  I don't use adoption as a crutch.  The side effects do explain why I do the things that I do. No its not a crutch.

Answer 5

That doesn't even make sense.  Adopted people ARE adoption.  I'm an adopted woman and I see the inherent flaws in adoption and the adoption industry.   That, however, doesn't stop me from having an enjoyable life.

I don't like the way adoption is practiced in the U.S, in terms of laws and how many agencies conduct business.  But, this certainly isn't the cause of "all my problems."

Your question is rather faulty.

Answer 6

In case Rachael doesn't answer this question I want to say that she did tell me just before we found her father that she was scared. Scared that from now on she had no place to dump the things she didn't like or understand about herself. She called it the black hole or pit or something. What ever she didn't like, or couldn't explain she would drop it in this abyss. That meant that it must have come from one of us (bio parents). Now that she has met both of us that crutch is no longer available to her. I don't think she blamed all of her problems on being adopted but rather than letting something drive her crazy she would dump it.

I hope that makes sense. I understand it when she explains it but maybe I'm not explaining it correctly. That's my take on this question, not so much on the system stuff, but more on a personal level.

Answer 7

i think adoption is a great thing ti do and i soon will

Answer 8

adoption is where you take in young or teen children who do not have homes and who parents where either young or did not want them. Adoption is the best thing ever i wish any girl who got pregnate would have the child and just put it up for adoption instead of aborting them

Answer 9

YES!!!! regret the choices one has made in their life, well just blame adoption.  Eat too much?  Drink too much, do drugs?  Don't take responsability,  blame adoption.  Marraige ended, blame adoption, in trouble with the law, well it is not your fault, blame adoption.  this way one can be stunted emotionally for the rest of their lives, and never have to look in the mirror and say " hey I screwed up"  sounds perfect to me.

Answer 10

No, definitely not.

As Phil stated..the only problem I blame on my adoption is that I have absolutely no access to any of my biological parents records.  I have no idea about what may be in store for me medically, what my ethnic background is..any of that. The only thing I do know is that my dad worked really hard with our lawyer and found out my biological mother has been in and out of jail...and that makes me SO much more grateful for my adoption.  Now I have a great life and am so glad I didn't have to grow up in that environment.  Yea, I have my share of problems, so does everyone else whether they are adopted or not and adoption is not the cause of any of these problems.  My adoption is a blessing not a curse.

Answer 11

Adoption is a great thing!

Answer 12

No, it isn't.

Good thing I'm wearing my Kevlar as this question is LOADED.

Answer 13

In this forum it certainly is but don't forget that they also blame parents who have fostered and adopted children. With all of their chips on their shoulders and passing the buck, it seems more like strollers, walkers and wheelchairs, more than a crutch.

Answer 14

NO

Answer 15

I always like a little salt to go with my bitterness, here.  Have a shake.

*shake shake*

Answer 16

Not for me...but you might want to check with aparents.

Answer 17

Nope.  Not at all.  I'm very happy.  

Are you still mad because we reported you for trolling for babies?

You should really stop being so bitter and angry.  People will start talking about you.

Answer 18

No, either way you grow up with parents that love you or have problems with, which are normal.  Unless you weren't adopted and you grew up in an orphanage.

Answer 19

i hate to admit this but i kind of did that. not so much the adoption its self but more along the lines of the things i didnt like about myself i passed off into what i called the 'pit'. it was the hole where biological children keep their genetics.

i have a hot temper, must be my bioparents

i drink waaaay too much, must have got that from them

i blurt out the wrong thing/laugh at wrong time, must be genetic

my thighs are huge, must be in my dna

you get the picture.

then i met my birthmother. and alot WAS genetic, but not  all of it. so i passed the rest off into the 'pit' of my biofather. just kept that c**p rolling in.

then i found him.

i did everything short of have a nervous breakdown. my safety 'pit' was now gone, it had shrunk to the size of a pore, and i was left holding this lifetime of garbage i didnt want to admit was my own problems. i created most of them (*some was genetic, i swear), i made the choices, i dug that pit with my own two hands.

and i didnt like it. talk about a slap in the face. years of emotional denial staring me at me, eye to eye. they didnt make me do the things is did, i was to blame.

i was a wreck for weeks. ask my birthmother (lori a, another member in the forum), i almost drown myself in self revalation.

but i made it, i dealt with my demons and moved on. i screwed up alot, oh well, get over it. so the adoption wasnt my crutch, or my problem, it was my very own lack of accountablity. the adoption just facilitated it, im sure i would have found something else if i wasnt adopted.

i have such a weight lifted off me now. i faced my demons head on and i won. i am proud of myself for that, but not as proud as i am of my bioparents. they accepted what i had done and forgave me. they took my c**p with open arms and said it was ok.

i have found a new pit, but this one i draw out of it what i know is there. they are not perfect, but even a mighty oak tree starts out a measley little speck in a pit.

edit

oh, lori a did answer. (above) see i told you, i wasnt lying. i was a basket case.

Answer 20

We are not limited by our pasts unless we choose to be.

Answer 21

What problems?  Are you trying to say that adoptees have problems?  

I mean, I have problems with the State keeping me from my identity.  I blame that on the State (and people who, out of ignorance or maliciousness, support keeping that information from me and fellow adoptees).  

Or do you mean the problems I have with people who treat babies like commodities to be acquired?  Yeah, I guess adoption is to blame for that problem.  But I would hope that, even if I hadn't been adopted, I would recognize that infants are not objects to be possessed.

Answer 22

Adoption is not a crutch:

Instead it is a great way to get out of an problems that a little one will be in.. If you are in a situation that is not great for a baby, then adoption is the best answer..

Never do abortion, for that would cause more problems!!

Answer 23

I think anything COULD be used by someone as a crutch or excuse, so could there be people out there that use their adoption status as a crutch, sure.  But, it's very heartless to assume that when someone is expressing pain that it doesn't come from very real loss that NEEDS to be acknowledged.

Answer 24

I reunited with my mother in 1988.  Soon after that I went back to my real life, got married, went back to college, etc.

It wasn't until maybe 2005 that I realized; through my young daughter's friends that adoption was making a comeback!  Who knew?  Trendy after all these years!  I had assumed the institution went the way of black & white televisions.

So I started poking around on the web, and asking questions of these APs & PAPs I came in contact with, and sadly realized that not much had changed about adoption.  In fact, many aspects about it had gotten worse.  Coercion has increased with demand, 'open' adoptions are usually not honored, and the level of entitlement common with potential adopters continues to astonish me.

No, I certainly don't blame all my problems on adoption.  What does make me sad, and sometimes angry, is that are so many adopters who seem to do little to no research about what it’s like to grow up adopted.  And instead of seeking advice from adult adoptees who can finally attach verbiage to long-repressed feelings, we are often mocked, and told that we are lying, whining, and exaggerating.

A crutch?  No, but I don't want it to handicap today's children either.  So I hope that some answers here help some adopted kids in the future.