Is adoption the best answer in my case?

Question

i am involved with a man who is plagued by alcohol. without it hes great. now hes in jail, and most likely for 6 months. i need to separate from him i know that but here's my real ?

we've been together 4 1yr before i became pregnant i never had protected s*x with him. i have maybe once in this last year. after a month or so into our relationship when we'd have s*x i'd wanna get pregnant. finally one time i told him i wanted his baby. i think i mainly wanted it to have him in my life forever. i wanted to give him "the best gift i could". anyways i started to think i was infertile but then it happened, now i am in the talking stage with a family to adopt my son. i, with the regular amount of hardship, could take care of him, and i also have a great support system. i also know i'd be a great mom cause i always watch my sisters daughter. i am feeling guilty now about the adoption but i don't know if thats because i want some way to hold onto drake or not... what should i do?

Answer 1

Pray, ask GOD, the answer will come to you.  Think only on behalf of your son and whats the BEST thing for him. This isn't about you.

Answer 2

This sounds like a very complicated situation, and no one can make this decision but you.  The only thing I have to say is that the only time adoption is in the child's best interests is when abuse or neglect are involved.  If you can keep your child safe, then keep your child with YOU.  Best of luck!

Answer 3

Get some counseling and soon!  Contact your county's mental health agency to see what they have in the way of affordable or free counseling.  If you're involved in a church, see if they provide free or low cost counseling. Also attend at least a few meetings for loved ones of alcoholics like Al-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA), or 'Co-dependent no more' (CoDA).

You think you can be a great mom b/c you're great with your niece? Being a full time parent is A LOT different than being a part time auntie.  You need to do all you can to help YOURSELF be a whole, healthy person.  Then you will be a much better mom for your son.  The relationship you describe  with your man is not healthy.

A child is not "a gift" to be given away.  Let this child be your reason to get your life together, become a healthier person emotionally, and you'll not only be a good mother, but you'll have a happier life.  

If you aren't willing to put your child's best interest first, including becoming a healthier person emotionally and providing a stable environment for your son, than perhaps adoption is better for your child - as a last option only. Hopefully a kinship adoption to someone in your extended family, or minimally, an open adoption so your son can meet you & know his own heritage & history.  

I grew up with functioning alcoholic parents.  No child should grow up with (an) alcoholic and/or an enabling parent(s).  Seriously!  As messed up as I was from my parents' alcoholism & abuse, I pulled myself together for my children.

With the help of ACA, some counseling (on & off over the years), self help books and a LOT of introspection, I learned to have healthier relationships, be a better parent (still made mistakes...don't get me wrong).  Today I'm happily married to a loving husband and have a wonderful, working, healthy, healthy, happy relationship.  

YOU deserve it! YOU are worth it!  And so is your son!

Answer 4

Keep your child if you can afford to!! Get help from the familiy you can do it!! Ur baby loves u!!

Answer 5

I don't know what to tell you about the guy, but the fact is you're a mom. Do what all moms through all the generations have done, get ready to have your baby. Why would you give your son to strangers just because you've hit a little bump in the road? Gee... you sound scared, but you'll be fine and yes, you'll be a great mom.

You're feeling guilty about "the adoption?" I'm confused, did you relinquish? Oh, I'm sorry, I see you're in the "talking stage" with a family. ICK. Quit talking to them. YOU'RE THE MOMMY. Tell them to go away. You really don't want strangers taking your baby, DO YOU???

That baby is not only your son, he's the future father of your grandchildren.

Best wishes.

Answer 6

no

Answer 7

Only you can answer that question. You have to make the decision for you and your son not for your boyfriend. Don't have a baby to try to hold to someone. It never works out that way. If you want to have a baby and can give him a stable life and lots of love, then great. Keep the baby and love it.  But if you are doing because of your boyfriend, it is not right. Your baby will most likely grow up in an abusive family that has an alcoholic father that is not there much.  Don't do that.  You need to decide what is best for all of you. Either give the baby up, or move on with your life without your boyfriend, and raise the baby.

Answer 8

It sound like you really want this baby. When you place your baby for adoption you really can't be attached to him. Placing that child for adoption will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. When i placed my son for adoption is was really hard and i told myself from the day i got pregnant that this was going to be my decision. If you want this baby and you know you can take care of him then don't place him.

Answer 9

if u want him keep him its hard to have low income but if u have a support system ull be fine. it hard but u will love him so much.