Is adoption the only solution to helping orphans in orphanages?

Question

or are there other ways to care for them that can be just as enriching to their lives?

Answer 1

I know in China some children are placed in foster care through western charities.  Unfortunately, these children can age out and are on the street.  Because they are orphans they are not registered with the government and can not go to school, get a job, or get married.  For the orphans in China  the best thing for them is adoption, either domestically (a growing trend) or internationally.

Answer 2

Most children in orphanages never are adopted.  Most live in a group homes with caregivers but the quality of that care is as unique as the people working there.  Most orphanages never even allow for the adoption of their children -- just Google orphanages  -- you will see plea after plea for money -- to support the children.  Problem is, many of these orphanages are quite corrupt. That being said, many times adoption is a far better choice for them.  We will not however, curtail the abuse and abandonment of our children until we value them more than we value money, control, hedonism and freedom.  

Answer 3

For children already in orphanages, there is no substitute for a family.  No institution however well managed and well funded can replace what a family can offer. Not to mention the fact that without education, children in orphanages "age out" with no means to support themselves at all.  

Donations, education, foreign policy, all these things have their place and should continue.  But every one of these things is geared toward addressing the underlying problem as to why there are so many children in orphanages in the first place.  This is also very important, but it does little to address the needs of the children already in an orphanage.  

I don't see international adoption as a long term solution to the problems in third world countries.  It's a band aid, at best.  But for many countries, it remains a necessary band-aid, right now.

ETA: I think there are some pretty big misconceptions about what a truly impoverished country is actually able to provide for children in orphanages. Domestic adoption within the country is preferable, problem is, it's not feasible for most countries.  Orphanages can be run by some pretty corrupt people who keep as many children as possible in order to get more UNICEF aid, which is sold on the black market.  In the meantime, the children aren't getting the clean water and foodstuffs.  I'd been to some pretty poor parts of Mexico before we adopted and there was nothing NOTHING that could have prepared me for what I saw in Liberia.  The problem is that many perceptions of what can be done AT THIS TIME, are simply not possible.

Answer 4

Snort!

Yeah Andrew, I'm sure those orphans could really use some condoms! Why, a condom a day keeps poverty at bay!!

ROTFLMAO what an idiot.

Answer 5

For SOME of them, at this moment in time, adoption might be the best solution available.  There are always other solutions, including leaving them there.  But if we stopped seeing adoption as THE solution and started working toward other ends (keeping them in their home country being the goal), then adoption would no longer be the best available solution.

ETA:  I also believe that each child deserves a family, and that should be the goal.  First choice, of course, is the child's own family - help them to keep their children and raise them.  Second choice would be a family the child knows and trusts.  Third choice would be keeping the child close to home with strangers.  Beyond that, I think the child should have the choice of what to do - even if it means they need to wait until they are able to decide on their own.  There should be GOOD orphanages or group homes for those children who feel it would be best to stay in their home countries, but aren't able to be placed with a family.  But I think that for the very small percentage of children old enough to decide what they want, who are unable to be placed with a family in their own countries, and who want to be placed in a family somewhere, adoption should be available until something better can be put in place.  Like, more families in the child's home country who are willing and able to care for the child.

Answer 6

For appropiate development and attachment - one word:  STABILITY

Kids need stable, loving homes.  Not group homes, not orphanages, not community centers, homes with adults who love and care for them and teach them boundaries, morals, ethics, and life skills.  

Kids that are raised in foster care and group homes have terrible outcomes in their lives.  Poverty, homeless, only 2-3% graduate college, prison, early pregnacy, mental health disorders, etc, etc, etc.....

Look at the statistics.  There is no other alternative to a loving, caring home.

Answer 7

Life in an institution is simply VERY damaging to a person, and the longer a child is institutionalized the greater the negative affect is.  There is much research to support this and I've seen many examples of it.  I believe that the negative effects of institutional living outweigh even the negative effects of all that is lost in international adoption:  language, lack of connection to birth family, culture, food, smells, everything familiar.  And I don't think I minimize those losses, so that is how damaging I really think institutionalization is.  There is a wide range in the quality of care in orphanages, but even the best are still institutional living.  

Now, of course, that doesn't mean that the choice is, or at least it doesn't have to remain, between international adoption or institutional living.  Efforts could be made for infrastructure building in places where many children are orphaned, foster care, domestic adoption, etc.  I guess I believe that there are many children institutionalized at the moment with an immediate need for international adoption and many children in the future needing us to work to reduce that need.

Now, many children are adopted internationally when they aren't institutionalized in their birth country.  And my daughter was one of them.  She was in foster care.  In all honesty, she would have had her basic needs met in her birth country and could have kept the part of herself intact that is severed by international adoption.  Overall, was what was gained for her worth it?  You know, I don't think I'll ever know.  I'm just going to give her all I can, help her connect to all that she came from, and hope she remains the joyful little girl she is today.

Answer 8

NO to the first part of your question.

And I am just as interested in hearing ideas people have in regards to the second part of your question.  

As for me I have adopted children who were already living in orphanages who did not have any family, at least any family that wants them (as far as I know, unless I am proven otherwise).  

I am unapologetic about adopting them because at the time I did not see any better solution where they could received care that was better than what I could offer them.  My children do not loose their culture or their language as I am from the same background.  Life for them is now full of possibilites that they would never have otherwise if they stayed in the orphanage.

This is going to sound harsh, but do you think these countries save what they consider the best children for IA's to adopt?  Sadly no, they give away the children that do not suit their ideals.

Example, at my daughters orphanage, I was told that locals who do adopt specifically ask for light skinned children.  Considering that they are living in a tropical climate and kids like playing outside in the sun, most kids are "dark", so what happens to those children.  Nobody wants them at home, so they give them away to foreigners who do want them.  

How about changing the local attitudes first.  

My kids are lucky not to have to grow up with those stupid attitudes.  I know, because I had to deal with those prejudices when I was living there, and I was only a child as well.

I would even think, they are now in a better position and certainly will have more financial resources to find their first family when or if they finally want to.

  

Answer 9

A friend of mine is active with this group:

http://www.sharingfoundation.org/about.h...

It's an orphanage in Cambodia that doesn't do adoptions. At least they say that they're committed to the children staying in their own country. The programs they have there are really amazing.

Answer 10

i don't think it is the only solution  but for many it is the a really good one.  I visited three different orphanages in India when i did a study abroad.  From  a poor one with dirt floors to a  really nice one with gym and pool.  In all the kids were crammed into rooms.  I mean one had 24 girls in one room with nothing more than a mat and a space for their stuff.  They were well feed and went to school but the girls will almost for sure not marry.  They still have cast and dowry in india and with no parents to pay a dowry no one will want to marry them. I cried at everyone and for days later.  I wanted to take them all home.  The state/country gives no money to these places the survive on donations and volunteers.  Yes giving money can help their quality of life growing up but there are no student loans for school and like i said they need a dowry and a family to pay it in the rural areas at least.  Dowry is not something used in big city from what i can gather.

An adoption locally or international will help these kids so much

I can not speak for the rest of the world but i know in India for sure it is a good choice

Answer 11

Well...based on my limited experience in adopting my daughter from who was residing in a Childrens Hospital for Infectious Diseases prior to me adopting her...There is relatively little foreigners can do to give better options to children living in other countries.  We don't make the rules there.  They do.  Many of the countries that children are adopted from have a very different cultural set of values or ideals than we do in the US (or the Western world in general).  Where my daughter was living, there were no toys, and the children were dressed in rags.  APs would bring donations of toys, clothes, and purchase cribs, space heaters, you name it.  but those items "disappeared" shortly after they were purchased.  I brought a huge bag of clothes which were gone the next day.  We might give resources or donations or attempt to help make life better for kids in orphanages, but it's up to the local facility as well as their government as to what happens with those resources.  

As far as convincing them that there's a better way - foster care or whatever - again - that's up to their government.  I don't know how much we could do to improve on that.  Some countries have social stigmas against single moms, so that even if there were mechanisms in place to help them out financially, it's doubtful they would keep the a child conceived out of wedlock.  And some children born out of wedlock are so stigmatized that they might be ostracized and shunned from their own families.  The whole paradigm is completely different in other countries for adoption.  

Answer 12

Of course there are. I personally found a way for 7 children.

Two of which were "orphans?" in an "orphanage?".

One of the problems is the people "desperate" for a child to call their "own" defending unecessary adoptions by looking at it as a solution instead of finding a way to protect the best interest of children (keeping them with their mothers, fathers and extended family that love and want them). They financially contribute to gov'ts looking the other way at needy families.  

Buying a child a big wheel or more lollipops can never replace or substitute the love children want or desire from the woman that created them.

Morality goes out the window with adoption today as well as ethics.

I wish more Aps that call themselves christians would stop and look at how religion contributes and has contributed to children being forced to live with strangers. Women in third world country's can't afford nor are permitted to use contraception.

Answer 13

yes it is

Answer 14

In order to stop the problem at the core level, yes, s*x education and affordable/free birth control easily available would help.

Other things we can do to help orphaned children

Support foreign domestic adoption policies

i would really love to see a sponsorship program that goes to sponsoring families who are struggling to keep their children and need some help. i thought i was getting involved in a program like this awhile back, but I don't think it got off the ground.

Stop adopting abroad, at least for the time being, to put pressure on foreign governments to come up with a solution to the issue like helping families stay together and domestic adoption in that country. If our enormous donations keep pouring in, its more lucrative for them to adopt the children to us rather than spend money to take care of the core issue or lose money by letting locals adopt the kids for a lesser fee.

Donate items to orphanages. Instead of caring for one child, how about enriching the lives of the many who remain behind? I've been to orphanages personally and I know the children always need clothes in all sizes, cleft lip nursers, medical supplies, blankets, washable toys, etc.

and if you really feel you need to adopt, there are still things you can do -

1. RESEARCH!!! The number one thing any prospective adoptive parent or adoptive parent can do is research, research, research. Educate yourselves not only on how much adoption costs and how to get a baby the fastest, but on ethics, corruption, attachment, bonding, grief, loss, post institutional autism (for children in orphanages), read blogs by adult adoptees (domestic, international, transracial) and first parents, learn what happens to a baby when it is separated from its mother, etc. When you've read so much you think you could write your own book about it, research some more.

2. Accept only necessary placements - the first mother may be torn in so many directions she doesn't even know what’s right or wrong anymore. Don't be one of the voices trying to convince her to give the baby up, make SURE there is absolutely no way she'd be able to raise the baby before you agree to adopt. Help her find the resources to parent if you can, let her know that you will be okay if she chooses to parent. I know how much it would hurt to have the placement fail and I am not trying to be dismissive of the feelings of the hopeful prospective adoptive parents, but this is going to have to happen more often in order for needless adoptions to stop happening. Kudos to all adoptive parents out there that made sure there was positively no way the mother could raise her child before the placement. Not only will this make a difference in the individual cases, but if all adoptive parents start demanding only necessary adoptions, these agencies will be less likely to be coercive themselves.

3. Demand open records! - No one is listening to the adoptees on this, so its time the adoptive parents step in and help. Demand an original birth certificate and as much information as you can get for your child. If we all band together, people will have to take notice. If you have adopted internationally and your child does not have to deal with closed records, please consider still supporting this cause on behalf of all of the adoptees who aren’t allowed to access their own records.

4. Support organizations that promote family preservation - of course this isn't just for adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents, everyone should be helping out. But, just like people whose lives have been touched by cancer are most often those to donate to the American Cancer Society, I assume those whose lives have been touched by adoption or the need for family preservation are those more likely to donate to these organizations.

5. Write to your congressmen and representatives when adoptee, first parent and adoption related matters arise. Let your voice be heard! Demand ethical, non coercive adoption practices.

6. Support adoptee rights at rallies and protests - Imagine what we could do if 3 sides of the adoption diamond came together to support adoptee rights? WOW!

7. Keep up with the news and laws in countries you consider adopting from - why are there so many children for adoption? What can be done to relieve the situation? What laws are being passed to help or exacerbate the situation? Is there anything we citizens of the US, Canada, UK, Australia, etc can do to help?

8. Support aid workers in foreign countries - who is over there offering free or low cost health care to people in need so that they don't have to surrender their children? Who is providing food and clothing to the poor and starving? Find out and support these people. Sponsor a family, sponsor an aid worker, or just send a note of encouragement if there is nothing else you can do.

9. Learn the laws and regulations for the countries you are considering adopting from. Look at the US embassy websites  

Answer 15

I agree with Looney Tunes.

There is simply no alternative to a loving, permanent family. EVERY child deserves one. Even the kindest, most loving orphanage caretakers, are still orphanage caretakers. They go home to their own families at night. And the reality of a third world orphanage is harsh. There is genuine care, but the conditions are dire and there is simply not enough caretakers to go around, which is why many of the children are developmentally delayed.

That being said, I agree with Marsha that more emphasis should be placed on domestic adoptions. If any of these children could be adopted into loving families in their own country, that would be ideal. Also, like Marsha said, you can send care packages to the orphanage that will benefit all of the children. Plus, you can get involved with charitable organizations like Half The Sky.

The reality of aging out of an orphanage in China is a bleak one. There is a great stigma attached to adoption, but tack on never being adopted, well there is an idea that there is something wrong with these kids and that they are bad luck, so they can pretty much forget about making a marriage match, where many of the families still rely on a dowry system. Many of them will stay on at the orphanage and train to become a nanny, or of course there is the saddest outcome: the s*x trade.

So the answer to your question from my perspective is that while it is not the only solution, right here and right now, I honestly believe it is the best one.

Answer 16

In this day & age it shouldn't be.  I was just talking to a friend of mine who was wondering why all the 'save the animal' type of shows...why not have a show (not even a show) but almost a boarding-school type of environment in which children can be raised up with some stability & have the proper education to be able to survive in the real world after they age out.  Do I believe children 'need' parents, yes, if they are able to raise the children 'right' but I also believe there could be a lot more done for those orphans.

I will say this tho- in my situation & being an orphan, adoption was the better choice of the two.  In the country I was in many orphans grow up to be looked down upon, shamed to any family they go into and end up lower class individuals...just the way society tends to work over there.  At the time of my adoption I was pretty much at the age where I had no chance of being adopted and my future was bleak as they did not have the resources to pay for additional schooling.  I always think about if I hadn't been adopted would I be working the streets as a prostitute or stripper? I really don't know. I do feel fortunate to have been given a better opportunity to make more of my life.

Answer 17

I would say since you're specifically asking about the "orphans" in "orphanages", that the immediate solution would be for them to be adopted into a loving family.  

An alternative may be foster care.  I'm also assuming that you're asking about orphans and orphanages in developing/third-world countries.  But, that would mean that there would have to be some sort of social welfare system in that country, and further for that country's government to be stable and non-corrupt.  That alone would be very hard and time-consuming to accomplish.

Finally, to perhaps lessen the number of orphans, if some kind of birth control education and program for women, as well as family living training for women AND men was available for free.  That is more "do-able" in my opinion because it would involve humanitarian workers from anywhere in the world.

Answer 18

No its not the only solution .They can be even be sent 2 schools & be provided by necessary stuff ,insted of adoption.  

Answer 19

condoms are always good solutions

Answer 20

Is it the only solution? No, of course not. They could be placed in foster homes, have mentors in the community, or be placed in a legal guardianship situation. Any of those would help.

But I have to be honest here... I do think there's value in having a permanent family, even a family that isn't tied together by blood. I think there's value in having parents to raise you. Not just someone looking after your interests, but parents.

That doesn't mean biological family is meaningless. A child will always have ties to their biological family. I don't think those are the ONLY ties that matter, though.

Those other alternatives for helping children? The thing is, I wouldn't want them for MY children. If something happened to me and I was either dead or unable to parent, I would want my children to be adopted, not just placed with guardians-- assuming the children wanted that too. Because I really, truly believe having parents is that important.

I don't think adoption is the only alternative for orphans or children who can't be cared for by their biological families. I think there are viable choices. In particular I think it's great to have legal guardianship as an OPTION if the children don't want to be adopted into a second family or have a second set of parents.

I just think adoption has a place, too. There are children in care who DO want to be adopted, and I don't think that choice should be denied to them.

Answer 21

I suppose someone could donate money or items o the orphanage and if they live in the area donate their time by helping out with the children or anything that needs to be done.  If a child has family who could take them with some financial assistance that could be done.  

I just don’t think an orphanage is any place for someone to grow up. Every child deserves to have a family whether they are with their natural family, adopted or even an honorary family.  There is just stability that one can’t really get from living in an orphanage or even bouncing around the Foster Care System.

Try and make the conditions of children living in orphanages better. I know its hard many are too short staffed and have many children. Most children probably get very limited one on one time if they even get any at all. I am sure many depend greatly on some of the volunteers if they have any.  Funding is not the greatest many depend on donations in the case R mentioned its even harder if the State/country is not helping out some financially.

Maybe they can encourage trying to place a child first among someone in their native land. That’s how the Native Americans do it their last option to place is outside Native Americans but even then they have rules and regulations to keep the child active/knowledgeable  in their tribal culture.

Answer 22

Yes. You can  donating money , toys , clothing , and food. Orphanages usually get by on bare minimum and state grants . Anything extra helps. Even finding jobs and providing scholarships to teenage orphans helps out, they put the highest strain on the adoption system because no one wants to take them .