Is adoption the right thing to do?

Question

To make this short Im 26 pregnant with twins and the father doesnt want anything to do with me r the babies i live in a hotel room r n my car no way to rasie a baby there is a family who relly wants them but im afraid i really dont no what to do if theres any people who have been threw this please help

Answer 1

i am adopted and my mother was in the same situation as you are now. i know that i am thankful she did it but i'm also very curious as to what could have been. i would go to an agency and get help. but if you do put them up for adoption make sure you still have contact with them throughout their lives because not only will you always wonder what could have been but so will the children. good luck!

Answer 2

Yes i believe your making a very wise chose that will benefit you and your baby's in the long run. remember you can pray to god to get you through this.

Answer 3

Okay, so you have a job, a full time one, and you just got a divorce, so you will be back on your feet in no time.

You say you think it would be the best thing. What makes the "best thing" in your mind? What equates to that? Lets address what you need for your child and start from there?

Read some blogs from adoptees, some first mother blogs, may I also suggest reading "journey of the adopted self" by betty jean lifton as well?

Answer 4

actually i would reserve to giving up the children for adoption as a last resource..

go to SS office *not n**i SS* and see how they can help you

there has to be something the govt can do

there are enough kids in the system as is

Answer 5

When you say it is not that I want to give them up, then don't there are so many agencies that can help you, I know right now you don't think you can handle them, but you are going to school and in a few years you will be in a better situation to raise them.  Once you give up a child it is not like you can just say oh I made a mistake, if you know in your heart of hearts you will be a good parent, not a rich parent then keep them, but If you know that for whatever reason you need to give them an opportunity then give them up.  I don't know about the process, but I read what you wrote and got the feeling you are doing this because of your right now situation, not because it is what you REALLY want to do.  Good Luck... and follow your heart.

Answer 6

You're in a tight situation...  but you know what if you want to parent your children...  maybe you could work part time and then you'd be able to get financial assistance and maybe quit just while they're babies.  That does not make you a bad person- obviously you have no one to help you.  It makes you a person who's trying to get things together for your children.  If you can find a way to do that (get set up for financial assistance), you could stay home with your babies until you get back on your feet.

If you don't want to parent your children you should contact a social worker in your area for help.  Don't "go it" alone with the people who want to adopt your children.  You need someone to be on your and your children's side because the adoptive parents will for sure have someone on their side reviewing documents, etc.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

Only you can make that decision, but you will need some guidance.  

Search on-line for a planned parenting office, or contact a local church to talk to someone.  You do not have to make these decisions alone.

It is a wonderful thing that you have chosen to let your beautiful babies have life.

Good luck with your very hard decision.

Answer 8

Yes, adoption is an incredibly brave and noble thing to do.  You need to think about the future of your children.  Will you be able to provide them with the care and necessities of life?  If you adopt out you may be able to have an arrangement where you can still see your children.

Think about it.

Good luck in what you decide.

Answer 9

Adoption is doing what you think is right for your babies. And it is something that only you can answer. Is it hard? yep, but that is what parenthood is all about, doing what you think is best for the babies.  You didn't say how far along you are. But there are places you can go that you would not have to stay in a hotel room. There are places that will help you care for yourself and help you make this choice on weather to parent the twins or let someone else. They will help you either way. Contact your local church, hospital or social services and tell them you are not sure what to do. Your in my prayers

Answer 10

You are the only person who can answer your question. I wouldn't personally put my children up for adoption in this situation but its a personal choice you need to make. The reason I wouldn't is from reading your question I got the impression you had two major concerns. One being a single mother and the other not being financlly secure. I was raised by a single mother on a shoe string budget. While there was often toys and materialistic things I wanted for the one thing I never wanted for was love. My mom showered me with love and attention and I respect her for that. She raised me with-out any support financially or otherwise from my father went to college and got a degree and worked 3 jobs at the same time. Was it easy? Never! But it was sure worth it for me and I bet if you asked my mom she wouldn't have changed a thing! I wish you luck in whatever decsion YOU make.

Answer 11

No one can tell you if you are doing the right thing. It all lies in your heart and your head. There really is no point in trying to come on here for help. It is better to talk to someone face to face and deal with whatever your going to face.

Be strong and good luck

Answer 12

Of course adoption is the right thing to do!

I was adopted, if it wasn't for adoption, my mom probably would of aborted me, and thats a horrible thought.

There are so many people out there who cannot have children of their own.  Adoption is great because you can choose what family you want your children to go to.

Answer 13

................

Traped into giving up a child by the system....

Hearded if you will...

So many broken things about the system.. i think it's funny... fathers rights, adoptee's, foster care reformers all fighting the same thing... end corruption in the "family systems"

Answer 14

Yes, please do that

Answer 15

you should give them to the family but have an open adoption to where you can agree with them when to see them and they know who everybody is

Answer 16

From the sounds of your situation at the moment it does sound like adoption would be the best option for your children at the moment, but you already seem to know that which makes you a very caring mother.

If you want to keep you babies there is plenty of help out there. Go to your Dr or your local community and family planning center and ask for help.

Best Wishes and Good Luck in whatever you do.

Even though you make to much money for the government to help you it will be completely different once those beautiful babies are here and there are also plenty of other organisations that can offer help and support to you. Look into it before you make any decisions.

Answer 17

of course adoption is the better choice to abortion but only you can answer the question as to if that is really what you want to do get the name of a really good counsellor and go and talk to this person as soon as you can it will help you to make the right choice for you and your babies but whatever you decide to do just remember that the road ahead will be hard but if you do give your babies up just remember it is to give them a chance of a life that you might not be able to give them

Answer 18

hey how are u...I would haft to say yes...ut it is up to you as the mother to decide...best wishes

Answer 19

No don't do that because when the kids grow older they might hate you for giving them away....but you can still see them if you want other people to adopt them and you will know that the kids are ok.

Answer 20

based on your age and your employment status, I say you can make motherhood work..Sure,  It might not be easy, but I think you can do it..

I say keep searching for help with keeping your babies.. It's out there..

I am the least anti-adoption person on this forum, because, while there are major problems with "the system" I still believe that adoption can serve the needs of all involved. However, I would agree that there needs to be a dramatic decrease in the NEED for adoption.  And I feel in your case, you would regret it, and it is unnecessary..

The choice ultimately is yours, but I encourage you not rush into adoption, because I think  you can make it as a mother of these two beautiful children.. Twins are so exciting!! (yes, alot of work too, I'm sure!!)

Also consider that the emotional effects of the divorce may be clouding your judgment a bit.. Give it time.. at least save the decision for a few more months, while looking into options to help you as a single, low-income mother of 2..

Answer 21

That is really a personnel decision. You will hear all sides here; there will be people who will tell you to keep your babies no matter what. There will be people who will applaud you for considering adoption.  IMO adoption is not a bad thing, it can be if done for the wrong reasons or a mother is tricked out of her baby or the father is not told of etc.  

I see your hardship though there are many people who make just enough that they can’t qualify for State help but not enough that they aren’t struggling. It’s quite sad and I really don’t get it, its called The Working Poor.   That said if you do want to parent your babies, there must be some sort of assistance out there for you. I know there are sometimes low cost living places for single mothers. As Gershom said you can also get child support from the father. Do you have friend(s) or family that could help you out?

Maybe you could consider temporary foster care for the babies?

Your luck is bad now  but in 6 to 12 months it could improve and be much better.  You can always place the baby’s for adoption later on.

In the end you just have to go with your heart, I would advice getting some counseling  from Planned Parenthood  or somewhere. I mentioned PP because i think they would do it for free or very low cost.  If you decide to place, the biological father would have to sign his rights away.

Answer 22

If you don't wan't to give up your babies then don't.

Look into social services programs that will help you get back on your feet.

If you have family that you can look to for support, talk to them.

Answer 23

What are you doing with your niece and nephew whom you adopted six months or so ago?

Answer 24

No. Please don't do it. Do whatever you can but don't give them up. I am a foster child and I'm growing up feeling unwanted. You look at other peoples parents and you don't understand. The best thing you can do is to keep them. You don't understand how terrible it is growing up with someone whos not your real parents or siblings. I would give anything to change the choice. It doesnt matter if you can't give the kids everything they could ever want as long as you give them love. Also I now hate my biological parents for putting me through this, I would try to contact them but only so they can see what they did to me. Adoption is no better than foster care in most ways its worse because your stuck with the same people pretending to be your parents.

Answer 25

Let me just say that I have not ever given a baby up for adoption, but my husband and I have failed several fertility treatments and are now trying to adopt. I just want you to know that is the most unselfish thing a person can do. I encourage you to pray about your decision and God will give you peace. Don't look at it as "giving your baby up" look at it as giving "your baby life" and a couple the opportunity to have a child that they are not able to conceive on their own. Good luck and even though I don't know you, I will put you in my prayers! God Bless! May you make the best decision for you and your unborn babies.