Is aggressive dad better than no dad?????

Question

I have 3 children, their dad has not seen them for 2 yrs as we are going through court, as I stopped contact after he tried to strangle my middle child. Previously he has hurt my eldest child, and the court at that time said it was acceptable to use this type of force and granted him access? I tried to allow him contact after he tried to strangle my little girl on the grounds that he got some kind of help, and I would support him with this. He agreed to this and promised all sorts, but within a short time of contact he became aggressive and threatening towards me, which my older daughter witnessed. This has really made my children a mess as he promised he would never be nasty or hurt anyone again, and they trusted that statement. Now they do not want to see him ever again. I am just in despair as I am trying to respect their wishes, which is costing me a fortune, and the court case will be my word against his, as my eldest is under 10 their wishes will not be heard by the court. I do not know what to do??? He was consistently threatening them with all sorts every time he saw them. I do not want my precious children to be hurt ever again by him. We are all so happy without him, and I certainly do not want my youngest child to go through what my older children have. But should I try to get him help again? or do I fight it all the way????

Your answers will really help me in this anxious time.

Answer 1

Sounds like you have been through a tough time. If he has hurt them physically then keep him away, you have to. He's no kind of dad who inflicts physical violence against his own children. It's difficult but this man is surely a danger to your kids. I really hope you can getthing sorted.

Answer 2

im sorry to say this but get the h**l out of there before one of you (and i mean especially your children) are killed, hes a very sick man and ive 2 boys and if their dad done that to me or them i would have ran as far as i could or if if seen him holding either one of them by the throat i would have got a knife and stabbed him in the leg,arm or even left him to die if i knew my kids were safe, ARE YOU F*CKIN* CRAZY HE TRIED TO STRANGLE YOUR KIDS, you are responsible for their enviroment,they cant choose it so if you dont get as far away from him and without visitations your a good mum but if you allow visitations and stay around him then you have to be the most stupid ignorant and thickest person ive ever had to encounter. im 24 and i would never hurt my kids,hope you do the same

Answer 3

In no way would I allow him NEAR my children and I would go to the media and explain the situation and name the judge who was presiding over your case.

I have to wonder why you made 3 children with this psycho though and why you are asking if you should protect them from someone who is so dangerous.

I would NOT subject my kids to this lunatic.

Answer 4

you must stop thinking about trying to get him help - your one and only priority is the welfare of your children (and yourself) and no-one else.  If he needs help, it is up to him to get it, no-one else can do it for him.  If the courts are involved then presumably CAFCASS are involved with children and, although i'm not too convinced about their practises (they tend to side with mums, regardless of how good the dad is, and i'm a big supporter of dads for justice) they will work in your favour.  Although it is always good for children to have contact with both parents, if they are better off without their dad then i hope that's what happens.... if they rule that he must have contact with the children, try and make sure it is supervised access, so he is never alone with them.  good luck, my heart goes out to you - take each day as it comes and try not to let your children see how worried you are.

Answer 5

NO i woz brought up around a aggressive dad and i don't thank my mother for it

Answer 6

No an aggressive is not a dad, you have done well to lock him out, your children need a caring dad not a dictator.

Answer 7

I HAVE BEEN IN THE SAME POSITION AS UR KIDS.....I SWEAR DO NOT LET UR KIDS C THERE FATHER....ITS BETTER FR THEM TO NOT HAVE A FATHER..........BECUZ HE WILL TRY TO TAKE THEM AWAY FROM U BECUZ HE KNOWS U HAV CONTROL....DO NOT GIVE UR KIDS TO HIM AFTER WHAT HE'S DONE...GUYS DONTCHANGE THEY JUST GET OLDER...

Answer 8

That's not really a question is it? That's like asking, is it better to be beaten up or left in peace? My partner was violent to my son and I, I had him arrested and charged, he went to court and was found guilty, now he gets to see his son under supervision. The child always comes first, no matter what. Why haven't you pressed charges against him?

Answer 9

I think I can help you. My sister and I have a violent dad. Can I tell you of some of our "adventures"?

--We have to sleep in the car

--He beat up my sister (she's 17, I'm 10)

--He knocked the door down

--He beat my mom up and she almost passed out

--And something else I don't think I should post on here.

Anyway, this has been going on forever. I hate his guts. I beg my mom to leave but she just wont do it. I would never let them see him again. And no dad is better than an aggresive one.