Is an expensive wedding worth it?

Question

My fiancé & I have been together for 7 years. We've planned this nice wedding for May '09, costing $8000. You have to guarantee 55 people & that’s a struggle for us, we really aren't real close to many people. We are both shy so being in front of that many people would be stressful.

We also have a honeymoon planned ($5000) that we REALLY want to do (depending on $)

I'm recently out of work, we have debts to pay,&are still renting (would love to buy a house soon). I'm almost ready to scratch the whole thing. We don't want to wait, we want to get married soon. We are thinking about just having a nice ceremony (at a really beautiful location, nice dress, tux, photography) & just inviting the people most important to us. Then for the reception just going to a local restaurant, no DJ, just food and being together. Do you think someone might regret not having a reception? Or extended family members might feel left out if there is no real reception? Isn't the ceremony the most important?

Answer 1

To answer you question, no.



I have been to weddings (my son's) that have been so over the top it is ridiculous.  Brides can get so caught up and consumed with the details that the real reson for the wedding is lost.  Everyone is ohhhh and ahhhing at all of the elaborate things they lose sight of the bride and groom and why you are even there.  Not to mention the drama it caused in planning.

I have been to simple weddings that you can see and feel the overflowing of love.  

Those are the ones that touch my heart.

Answer 2

Do what YOU (both of you) want...... You know you'll be uncomfortable with a big wedding, you only want close friends and family, and the most important thing is YOU ARE PAYING FOR IT!!!!!!

If someone else were springing money towards it, I would say you should consider their opinions, but if they are not, then they have no say.....

Use your money for what is important.....

Everyone eles (who isn't paying for the wedding) should be able to understand....

And remember, even people who spend a lot of money on a BIG wedding can't make everyone happy. Someone is always bound to complain about something.... So with that in mind, do something that'll keep, at the very least, the important people happy.... YOU and Your Guy

Answer 3

$8000 is a ton of money for 55 people.  my wedding cost slightly over that for over 200 people (big families).  i don't remember who said it in an earlier post, but yeah, it will go by in a fhash and you'll think...that's it?  you won't feel any different, and chances are that you won't remember much of the day because things were so hectic.  the reception should be what you want.  lots of people do the intimate dinner at a nice restaurant...it saves a lot of money for one, and why rent a hall for 55 people?  for some, the ceremony is the important part.  for others, it's the reception.  it all depends on how you look at it.  for me, the reception was our way of thanking our friends and family for all their support through the years (we were also together 7 years by the time we got married).  if you think the extended family will be upset, you could always have everyone for a picnic inthe park...get a dj and have a little party there!  it would be a few hundred bucks, you could BBQ, saving a lot of money on catering.  there's tons of things you could do as to not leaving people out, but still saving your budget for waht you feel is important.  i will give one more thought though.  i was at a wedding reception which was what i thought at the time to be horrible, but as it went on, i realized how much fun it really was!  a friend rented a VFW hall.  the night before, we decorated the hall and got everything ready.  family members made the food and brought it in after the ceremony.  we had food and just sat at the tables and talked.  a lot of the people that were there were old college friends, so it was great to be able to catch up with everybody and see what was new!  there was no DJ (that was the part that killed me, but that's how i am), but with all the talking, it really wasn't needed!  it was very inexpensive, but it was still a reception.  just a thought...

Answer 4

Since everyone's situation is different, you have to decide what is most important to you, not how to impress everyone else. If you can't afford or don't want an expensive wedding, then don't have one just to make everyone else happy. If someone else wants an expensive wedding, they can do so when their time comes along. A wedding should be a celebration of two people starting their lives together, but many people completely overlook that fact.

Answer 5

If you "would love to buy a house" why not cut back on the wedding and put thousands of those dollars toward a down payment?  Also, are you putting as much thought and energy into the marriage as into the wedding?

Answer 6

I went through almost the same exact thing.  We ended up doing an expensive wedding (original budget 10K, ended up being 13K).  There are pros and cons to each.  We had to guarantee (and ended up with) 75 people.  Our wedding was beautiful and perfect, but it cost a ton.  It depends on what matters most to you.  I think if we had it to do over again, we'd go smaller and spend money on the things that mattered most.  There may be a compromise for you though to be able to have people and dinner and dancing and still stay low-cost.

See if you can do it at a local park and then have it catered.  Have a friend bring their iPOD and large speakers and have a meal and dancing.  Buy a half way decent camera and ask someone to take pictures OR just ask all of your guests to bring their cameras and give you the photos on CD or memory card.  Rent a tent for a backyard (parents maybe?).  I've seen this and it looks GORGEOUS  with white lights and tulle.  Or how about seeing if a local restaurant has a room that they would be willing to let you have your reception at?  

Or you could go on that awesome honeymoon and get married on the island.  That's what we would've done if we had the chance to do it all over again.

Congrats and Good luck!!!!

Answer 7

sweety you will be waiting and waiting and waiting for a year for this day and planning and stressing and going out of your mind and then the day will come.. you will wake up the next morning and go.. that was it? I stressed over that? not that it isn't important but it's one day of the whole marriage and it isn't worth all that stress and money. The only thing that matters is your marriage and you won't regret not having a big bash especially if you are a little uncomfy with it. Just get married and keep it small and simple and believe it or not you will have a blast and remember that it's about a marriage not a wedding.

Answer 8

ok I have experienced both the expensive wedding and the cheep one. It really made no difference in the actual wedding. However I would say this saving the money for something after the wedding is the better choice in my opinion, like for fun on the honeymoon or for the home u2 set up after.

Answer 9

If you are uncomfortable with the the idea of getting married in front of a lot of people don't do it. Just do like you said and have a nice garden ceremony somewhere with your closest family and a dinner reception at a local restaurant. I would suggest still doing the fancy white dress and veil and a suit for the groom and getting someone to take the photographs, don't skip pictures you will regret it, but check out the local college or craigslist and find some photography student that needs work for their portfolio.

Answer 10

To me an expensive wedding is a huge waste of money... unless your feeding like 300 + people, your from a metropolitan area where it's the norm or you just don't care about how much you spend. I think a small wedding with just close family and a few friends is more intimate and fun, then a big ole to do that costs $25,000 +.

A cousin of mine  and her fiance (now husband) wanted to have "fairy tale" wedding with all of the trimmings. When she and her fiance (now  husband) looked at their income and debts they realized they couldn't afford the $50,000 + price tag. They each had about $25,000 of debt each. They could have put their wedding expenses on their credit cards, but this is NOT what they wanted. They didn't want to start their married life in debt. So they both decided to pay off their debts. They both got 2nd jobs in a very posh, upscale restaurant working thur, fri sat, and sundays. They both made $600-$800 a week in tips on top of their paychecks. Plus they both had 40 hour a week jobs as well.

They set their wedding date for the 3rd anniversary of their first date, which was 14 months away. Partly because her older brother was in Iraq, and they both wanted him there. They wouldn't have met if he had not introduced them. :)

In order to save money they both gave up their expensive apartments. She moved into a very cheap rented room, and he moved in with his the garage apartment on his parents property. They decided to save this money for a down payment for a house.

Now it's 11 months later. Her brother is due to return home from Iraq. They still had NOT made any plans to get married. They had been to busy working, and try to save money for a house. LOL! They had decided to talk to their pastor about marrying them, but he was going to be a conference during the time they wanted to get married. They had already gone through their pre-marital counseling classes, plus the christian couples weekend. Then her brother tells her he won't be able to get leave until after  they had planned to get married. They decided to get married where her brother was stationed, which happened to be in Nevada.

So with the blessings of their pastor they made arrangements to get married at St. Judes Chapel of the Holy Family in Las Vegas, NV.They had a Christian ceremony. The only people who were there were her parents, her brother, his parents and two unmarried sisters. They had a reception meal at the Bellagio where everyone was staying.  They flew in on thursday night, spent fri, got married sat morning, and left sunday afternoon. They spent saturday night dancing, and having fun with her brother, and her husband's two sisters. The following monday morning they left for a 6 day cruise. Their whole wedding and honeymoon cost less then $4500.00

I think the most important parts of a wedding are the ceremony, food, and pictures. Everything else doesn't matter to me.  

Good luck to you. :)

Answer 11

What everyone else thinks doesn't matter. Do whatever you want. But think hard about it. I know your FI doesn't care, but if there's a doubt in your mind, then have a real wedding and reception. Because someday you will regret it, if you feel that way, and there are no do-overs.

Answer 12

the big wedding is to impress everyone else....it usually puts everyone in unnecessary debt and causes disagreements.  A small well planned wedding with those you are important to is much better in the long run...unless you find it necessary to impress your great aunt miltelda

Answer 13

Personally I think large expensive weddings are a bit extreme. (Especially with the economy the way it is now). There is nothing wrong with a small intimate wedding if that is what you want. Less expense which means less stress.

My son and his fiance' are planning a big wedding for December and I just wish they would tone it down a lot.

I guess that is the "practical mom" in me. The reception should be for those people you are closest to.

Maybe a buffet type event would be better suited for you.

In the end, you have to do what you will be happiest with. Hopefully extended family members will understand.

Good Luck to the both of you.

Answer 14

wedding shud be simple and inexpensive. no fun in extravagence.

Answer 15

Your wedding is for you, what ever will make the two of you happy- food for thought but have you ever noticed people who  spend copious amounts of money for a big wedding/reception always end in divorce.

If you want just throw a party at your NEW home and everyone can celebrate your accomplishments!

Answer 16

I am also getting married May '09....So excited! Cant Wait! My fiance and I have been together for 6 years!  It is perfectly fine to have a smaller wedding.  And don't spend so much, save it for the honeymoon or when yall get back and start your new life together....I'm sure you'll need the extra money.  My budget for our wedding is $4000....not this big huge ceremony but not to small either.  And our honeymoon is only $3000...which we already have paid off..we are going on a cruise! So If your both shy, then just go for a small wedding....you will be happy you did it! Good Luck!  By the way, what day is your wedding on? And where are you going on your honeymoon.  Email me sometime!

Answer 17

I will be quite honest, why spend money on something that is going to cost a lot, and as you say, can't guarantee the numbers required, your fiance doesn't give a monkeys about what sort of ceremony you have, just as long as you are man and wife at the end of it.

Personally, I would suggest the cheapest ceremony possible, quite simply because no matter how much, or how little you pay, the ending is the same, and that is you are husband and wife, then the money saved can be put towards something that you both really want, instead of wasted on a lot of unnecessary frills.

mike t.

Answer 18

First off, the wedding sounds beautiful. If the bling wedding is not your thing, then don't do it. Plan it so two quiet people will have lots of memories that are good.

Big fancy weddings are not for everyone, if you were both gregarious people, you might miss a big loud reception. My guess is you won't.

If the people who might have been invited to a big reception feel left out, they don't know you very well, and maybe best to leave them off the list.

See, I am from the era where recetions were not huge alcohol induced excuses to act stupid. They were quiet, sweet celebrations of the wedding, and the 2 people about to embark on a long journey together, no an excuse to drink all you want for free. All eyes then were on the bride and groom and the ritual of the wedding reception.

Answer 19

First of all, it is foolish to spend money on a wedding that you don't have in hand. DON'T use the credit cards.  

My budget total was $7000 and that included the wedding, engagement ring, wedding rings, reception AND a 10 day honeymoon.  In fact, to get the engagement ring I wanted, my guy had to delve into the wedding budget.   Can't go a dime over as that is all there is (I'm buying a house in November, a month before the wedding).  I think you have champagne taste on a beer budget.  If I can do my wedding and reception for 30 for $2,800, you can work that out as well.    A local restaurant is JUST FINE and works well for small groups. This IS a reception.  Just because you didn't hire a hall and there is no dancing doesn't make your reception any less valid.  Good luck and congratulations!

The first year or two of marriage is stressful enough without adding debt.  A lot of weddings are expensive today because people just pull out the old credit card and charge it up. If they had to actually front the cash, they would rethink many of their expenditures.

Answer 20

I think its a wonderful idea make it small  to cut down on costs for my daughter the whole family cooked and it was great and less expensive so  go for it

Answer 21

Justice of the peace marriage..$20.00 for the paperwork..takes 15 min's....use the money you have for the future...dont need all the pomp and sparkle to get married...that's OLD FASHIONED!!!!  invite ppl to come to the wedding and if they object, that's their hangup, not yours....Congrats and have a wonderful life!!!!  nuff said!!!!

Answer 22

My wedding was over 100,000 dollars and i would take every penny back if i could....its not worth the money in the long run i promise you...use that money you are gonna use on the wedding for a downpayment on a home....Also you could always have a small affair at someones house after you get married and either prepare the food yourself or spend 500 on some nice apps from your fav restaruant. I am a event planner and i get asked this question all the time.....but in your situation i would say save your money....when you guys are caught up financially you can have a photographer do a mock wedding shoot with posed pics and boom you got yourself a memory book. Would be cute to do that on your 1yr anniversary! I have alot of brides that do that!