Is anyone NOT in support of equal rights for adoptees?

Question

I'd like to hear from only those who do not support an adoptees right to obtain their original birth records and the reason why.

I btw do support it.

Answer 1

I'm so upset with school nurse right now!! Ugh!

But anyway--i repeat THERE IS NOTHING IN THE LAW THAT STATES THE BIRTH MOTHER'S RIGHT TO ANNOMINITY!!! If she does not put in the adoption file a note stating she does not want to be found, when that child becomes of legal age then, they can start seeking their biological family.  another side note being an adoptive parent does not mean you understand how us adoptees feel. ---this post is for anyone who thinks adoptees are second-class citizens.

Answer 2

Wow listen to those crickets

*chirp chirp chirp chirp*

If you were an adoptee speaking out about wanting your rights to your OBC, there'd be plenty of people speaking up against you...yet nobody wants to just come out and SAY they are anti-adoptee rights.  Isn't that interesting?

ETA:  Well, Susie, I happen to actually KNOW the situation behind my adoption, and my mother did NOT "choose" to seal the records nor did she even "choose" adoption in the first place.  We can't trust the agencies or lawyers to be honest; they are notorious for lying and keeping adoptees and their bio-parents from reuniting.  

Fact is, my mother was THRILLED that I found her.  Want to know why?  Well I'll tell you: because they shoved it down her throat that I would never want to know her, that I would never want her in my life, that I would probably not even be told I was adopted.  They put the fear in her to never search for ME...so if I didn't do it, we'd never have found each other.  She loves me, she wanted me in her life, there were no "secrets" to keep hidden, no "sleeping dogs" to lie.  

Not everything is as black and white as you might think it is.

Answer 3

OK, I'll say it.  I'm against it.  You don't know the circumstances of your adoption, your birth mother does and choses not to be revealed to you. I think you should respect her wishes and her privacy and let sleeping dogs lie.

Well sorry - I guess I didn't understand your point.  I guess School Nurse and I are alone here. My daughter gave up her daughter - my grand daughter - for adoption. She did choose to have an open adoption, and we are in constant touch with the child. However, had my daughter chosen not to be revealed, I would have supported her in that as well. She was in a very dark time, and many things she did would be best forgotten and buried.

For those who are slamming SN and me - it's our opinion, OK?  Remeber tolerance?? Why are you being so mean?

Answer 4

No angelina, YOU have alot of growing to do. What you need to do is go sit down with your dad and understand what has happened to him because it appears you were distracted when learning about the reality of HIS adoption.

Records are still sealed in open adoptions.

Surrendering parents DON'T seal the records.

No parent or lawmaker or state for that matter should determine MY ability to access MY birth certificate or not. This is a HUMAN RIGHTS issue, not a privacy rights issue. THERE IS NO RIGHT TO PRIVACY.

If you can find ONE LAW that gives mothers a right to privacy you'd be the most popular person in the adoption industry, maybe not the most "liked" but definately the most popular, give it a go...find it for me...

Answer 5

I think the reason that many have not answered yet is because the question was posted this morning and many people work during the day.  I think you'll get more answers if you leave it for a few days before resolving it quickly.  

I don't think it will shock anyone of my position.  I welcome the thumbs down--it just tells me that you are reading my posts--lol.  I've said before-- that in order for you to get your "rights" you have to take away someone else's rights--namely the birth mother in a closed adoption. Our rights end where the next person's rights begin.  I respect the legal rights given to the birth mother in a closed adoption.  That's what the closed adoption means and that's why she chose a closed adoption--she apparently WANTED that privacy.

I've posted this answer on another question and it got deleted but I'm posting it again.

I am an adoptive mother. My daughter has health issues that affect her everyday life. Medical information would have been helpful but did not /would not change the outcome. I am so thankful to her birth mother and the precious sacrifice that she made and if she wants privacy and confidentiality--she's got it.

First, to reassure the mob, I am secure in my position of my GROWN daughter's life as her REAL MOTHER. She fiercely protects my standing when anyone asks if she ever wanted to look for her "real" mother. I support her in her LEGAL search for her biological parents and she has been on the registries for 12 years with no response from her birth mother. She's also written letters to the agency expressing a desire to meet her if she made inquiries. I helped her at age 16 in both of those endevers.  I understand her desire to know. I would like to meet her, too. I'd like to thank her in person for the privilege of raising our daughter and let her know that I understand the sacrifice that she made. My daughter was born right at the time when open adoption became an option. We were open to open adoption but she was not. I respect her wishes NO MATTER WHAT--I owe her that. I don't know for a fact that it was in writing but I feel very certain she was guaranteed confidentiality. Even if there was nothing in writing, a verbal contract is just as binding as a written one. I am an honorable person and intend to keep my word. I don't call the shots for my daughter. She is almost 30 years old, a wife and a mother, and can do whatever she chooses--she doesn't need my permission. I've raised her to be a confident, well adjusted HAPPY person who can make her own decisions. I will support her in her search through legal means but I MADE PROMISES that I intend to keep.

Answer 6

For Susie, you need to know that the natural parents do not "choose" to seal records.  They seal no matter what kind of an adoption takes place -- open, closed, step-parent, adult -- it doesn't matter.  90% of child adoptions are now open, so why are the records sealed?

Why can adopted persons not have the very same record that non-adopted persons can?  Children who were relinquished or taken away by the state can have them provided they never got adopted.  None of this has a damned thing to do with the natural parent.

Ironically, in California and Ohio, it's the ADOPTIVE parent or the ADOPTEE (if old enough to say) who get to decide whether a birth record closes or not.

Also, reunions happen all the time and always will without open records.  It really is no one else's business if the adopted person's and/or the natural parent's earlier life was unpalatable or not.  It's not about this.  It's not for you or anyone else to decide whether someone else can "handle" it or not.  Don't speak for others.  If you don't want your record, fine.  Don't think others should have the same rights as the non-adopted just because you don't care if you have it.

It's about ending discrimination in states where it exists.  

Some states don't discriminate, although most (44) do in some way or another in that an adopted person has to meet various requirements in order to obtain his/her birth record.

eta: Angelina

still doesn't get it.  It's not up to the natural parents to seal or unseal the records.  All people should have equal treatment under the law.  Just because someone is ashamed of his/her past, or doesn't want someone else to know it for whatever reason, doesn't make it okay to discriminate.

*****************

ETA: Is ****SCHOOL NURSE****

so incredibly clueless about the law and how it's written that she doens't realize that adoption law itself ensures that first parents' identities will NOT be kept confidential when they relinquish?  

Does she not know that there is no legal "right to anonymity" in our society?

Does she not know that relinquishment doesn't close records?  They stay open, open, open when someone relinquishes.  Yep, no secrets there!  

If she knew this, then she'd know that our right to EQUAL TREATMENT UNDER THE LAW, doesn't take away anyone else's right.

See, she wants adopted citizens to have fewer rights than non-adopted citizens and she wants first parents to be given a right that no one else has.  Absolutely NOTHING in the law will allow a first parent to have records sealed simply because they relinquished their child.

She loves to discriminate!  She hates adopted people!  She wants them to have fewer rights than other citizens!

ETA: Hey, Whatever!

I hear ya, but the problem is that folks like School Nurse want to believe that adopted citizens are looking only for the very same rights as non-adopted persons.  h**l, if I'd stayed in foster care, I'd HAVE my original birth certificate.  It's pathetic that the only thing that bars me from normal access to it is that I happened to have gotten adopted out of foster care.  I'm glad I did, but I it's really something that it took a basic right from me that everyone who isn't adopted has.

Answer 7

woweeeee, the silence is deafening!   where's LC, Alisa A, Adoption is A-OK, littlejaina, Joslin and the plethora of others here who preach the 'birthparent privacy' smokescreen

I agree, cam, I would LIKE to think the silence represents support for adoptee rights, but what's that overhead - oh, yes it's a flying pig!

Answer 8

My biological mother is not in support of equal rights for adoptees. In fact, she is vehemently opposed. Furious with me that I found her.

Oh, and BTW, I nearly died of a genetically inherited disease from HER SIDE of the family. Fortunately, I found her in time, and was able to be treated. I have permanent damage and will have to be treated for the rest of my life, but at least I'm alive.

Yeah, she's against people like me finding out about our genetic heritage. Now you know what sort of person is against basic human rights. Aren't you glad you're not on her team?!

Answer 9

If the adoption was left open, then it's no problem for them to obtain it because the biological parents didn't mind them knowing. But honestly, if I had it like that and went through a horrendous amount of effort to make those records be in my hand, then come to find my parents are heroin addicts and gave me up due to their selfishness, I'd regret it. I think some things are better left the way they are.

And Lillie: There are no conspiracies against adopted children, get real. If the adoptive parents (the people who CHOSE to raise you, who gave you a home when you had none) choose to keep it seperate, so be it. They are the ones to make the choice, so please no on listen to the c**p about the government/lawyers/etc everyone and their mom is trying to keep my from knowing who my parents are.

On your additional notes:

I'm not an adoptee, doesn't mean I don't get an opinion. My father learned at the age of 45 that he was adopted. Things turned out with with him, we now have good relationships with his 2 biological brothers he never knew of. His mother died at the age of 43. In this circumstance, horrible health conditions held her back from providing for the 2 of her boys she adopted out. He would not have been satisfied with the results if he learned she were a tweeker that just couldn't give up drugs. Or a w***e that chose several relationships with men over her child. THOSE are the circumstances that MAYBE a biological parent would want to sheild from their adoptee children. Which is why they choose to keep that information private.

BTW, I am not going to report you, but I think you were looking for these sort of answers when you specified the question to "only those who do not support" what you want. Because you just keep rebutting those of us who do, what makes you think you're so right? Do you think you're the only person out there that's curious? you haven't gotten very many responses on this because others can tell you're only looking to get negative feedback to try to prove some point to yourself, whether it be a way of convincing yourself not to want to know or what have you. You have a lot of growing up to do.