Is being a parent this hard? Or do I have the most difficult baby in history? WHAT DO I DO?!? PLEASE HELP ME!?

Question

I am a lost father. I hate to use cliches, but I am at my wit's end. My son is 5 months old and has been a terror since birth. I know. I know. Most of you who have had difficult babies are probably thinking you know what I'm going through. I beg to differ and challenge anyone to prove that their baby is worse-behaved than mine. lol

He started by sleeping for no more than 2 hrs at a time during the night. Now, at 5 months, he still has yet to sleep the night. In order to quell any thoughts that I may be utilizing poor strategy in regard to getting him to sleep, I will tell you all what I do. He usually gets tired around 8 pm and goes to sleep. I will "wake him," so to speak, at around 11pm to feed him. He rarely fully wakes up, though. I give him 7 oz of formula, mixed with 4 and 1/3 tablespoons of rice cereal. I warm it up as well. He still wakes up at 4 am. He wakes up for good around 7. This I have become accustomed to. I feel he won't be doing this much longer, and I can deal with once per night. Any advice on getting him to sleep through the night will still be appreciated.

By far, his favorite activity to do throughout the day is cry. Yet, I don't feel he has colic. He appears to be either spoiled or restless. Yes, sometimes he is hungry or needs to be changed. Yes, sometimes he is simply tired. I still wonder though, is it REALLY necessary for him to SCREAM as a sign of sleepyness? But I digress.

Most of the time, he seems to be crying for one of three reasons. 1.)Just because. 2.)He's sick of doing whatever he is doing. 3.)To p**s me off. My son has the attention span of well, a baby. lol My best friend has 4 kids. He recently had twins. His twins will sit in their car seat for long periods of time and simply sit and stare. They will fall asleep in their car seats, and they sleep through the night. My son, as previously mentioned, does neither. He feels the need to "alert" me of his sleepyness, via screaming. He also wakes up through the night.

He won't do ANYTHING (except cry of course) for more than 10-20 minutes at a time. He won't play with toys. He won't take pacifiers. He won't watch TV. He won't sit in his car seat. He won't play with his activity games. He won't sit in his swing or bouncer for more than 30 minutes. All of these activities lead to crying within 20 minutes. The crying only stops when I pick him up. Needless to say, I can't walk around and carry him all day. I rarely find time to cook, nap, clean, or even use the bathroom. Sometimes he cries just because I left the room. The only reason I can even type this is because he's asleep now, after an hour of inconsolable crying. He seems to grow tired of doing anything, then cries to let me know he wants to do something else. He constantly needs to be entertained. He will SCREAM, as if he's pain, then become silent once I pick him up. It's flattering and angering at the same time.

I am riddled with guilt as well. His behavior and my personality don't match. I am a logical thinker. For me, every effect should have a logical cause. His behavior is illogical. I can't figure it out. He appears to cry for no logical reason, and it INFURIATES me. I get so angry. I would never do anything to him, but I have a bad temper and little patience. So he can upset me very easy. I love him so much though. So when he's calm, I instantly feel incredibly guilty for being so angry at him. After all, he IS just a baby. To top it all off, his mother (as well as my friends) act like I'm over reacting and that tons of kids are this way. Really? REALLY!!??! I have trouble believing all parents go through this. I have personally seen and talked to several parents (friends and family) who have had things much easier than I do.

Please forgive the length of this, but I needed to vent. I don't know what to do anymore. I never thought I could "meet my match" in an infant, but it appears I have. I'm out of answers and ideas. Any advice anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated. I think I'd be happy if someone convinced me that their baby was as bad, or worse, than mine. Then, I wouldn't feel so alone in this.

Answer 1

You shouldn't be putting rice cereal in his bottle.  In fact, he doesn't need any cereal at all.

Answer 2

I'm not a mother...yet.

But I do work in a health food store and I talking to all of the people I do during the day I hear about all kinds of weird things. Which prompted me to this idea:

Perhaps your son has some kind of food allergy. The formula that you are giving him could have something to do with it. It could have soy or gluten maybe lactose or any number of things that could be causing somekind of reaction inside of him that is uncomfortable and holds more of his attention than some kind of toy.

Maybe you've already thought of this. Maybe not. Either way it is just a thought. Perhaps your doctor could recommend some kind of test. Or you could switch formulas?

I hope everything works out for you. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

I suppose there is a chance that he is feeling your tension and it's winding him up. Try some soothing music just for yourself. Make up some mantra, a logical one of course, and convince yourself to believe it by repetition. Then, go out and buy "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" I'm sure you won't regret this purchase since it is a book founded on much research and sites it all. There are many stories in the book about babies like yours turning into calm little babies like your friends'.

As for the 20 minute rule on being entertained, that is par for the course. Of course some people have exceptional babies who can play with one thing without attention for extended periods of time, but don't expect that until later.

Hope things look up. Seriously, look into that book. I will site the cheap website version of the book (which is, by the way, unedited and poorly written in comparison with the book.)

Answer 4

your baby sounds like my baby.. I have had 3 perfect babies sleep eat play happy to sit infront of Tv etc then I had my 4th in begining of april and hmmmm he is testing.  Firstly all babies are different when it comes to sleep aome babies 'need' feedig during the night thats just how it is.  Mine is 18 weeks and he sleeps at 5pm until 2-4am I do not wake him inbetween alough he woke at 12 last night and i fed him and he went until 5am and he normally gets up around 5.30am so i wasnt to fussed.

I wouldnt be giving him cereal in a bottle as it can cause choking especially if he is not fully awake I would be giving him rice cereal for breakfast and for dinner mixed in a bowl and once you get him used to this then you can thicken it and it will satisfy him even more.

Ive just gotten over colic and yes my baby will cry as if he is in pain and is not content for more than 5 min if that and soon as you pick him up bang suddenly stop.. They are at the age from 4 months when they like to see you in the room. My life saver was a bumbo chair you sit them in it and I sit him on the bench with me and carry him around the house to what im doing, if i know he is fine then i let him fuss it out so therefore your baby cannot cough his own saliva !  mine is slowly getting used to not being picked up and not fussing as much , I can just start to push him in pram short places with out him screaming , and yes he also hates the car seat also.   I think is is too young to cry to 'p**s you off' he is crying for attention and alsong as you eventually pick him up he will continue to cry to get his way, and remember it always gets worse before it gets better as they have to figure out crying does not do it anymore, same if they fuss going to sleep dont get frustrated just stay calm and go in there every few min , so they may scream for hour one day and the next but it will slowly get better and you are training him for around the 6-7 months mark when they start to clam a bit.

As for the night time you need to set a time that he eats and baths everynight. so if he is tired around 8 make 6.30pm some rice cereral mixed in a bowl then bath him at 7pm dress then have a top up bottle around 7.30pm then burp and cuddles til around 8pm if you do this regardless every night then baby will get used to bed time and slowly cut out the 11pm feeds or 1pm feeds, get him nice and full before bed and just let him go through with out the feed at 11 you wake him for and see how he goes, babies love routine and thrive of it so you need to stick to a time for him.

My baby has a steamed pear and sived into a bowl thickenend with rice cereal for breakfast and pumpkin for dinner, yes they say 6 months now but it was 4 with all my others and they are fine, if your baby has appitite like you say then maybe its time !

Good luck your not the only one its all part of being a parent kids are testing !  

Answer 5

I had massive problems with getting my 3 month old son to sleep.  He would just lie awake and cry for hours, then when he finally went to sleep he would wake every hour or two hours through the night and cry again!  Talk about pulling our hair out .... we were absolutely desperate for sleep!

It was a baby sleep audio program recommended by a friend that finally saved us. We followed the advice and began by creating a baby sleep routine which included bathtime, dimming of the lights, putting Paul into his crib, final nappy change and then lullabies. We also made recommended changes to his naps during the day and used some of the other recommended techniques. Within two weeks he was sleeping through the night most nights with just the odd night where he would just wake once!

Definitely start by creating a good baby sleep routine though and you could find that solves most of your baby sleep problems.

Good luck!

If you want to take a look, the audio program is at http://www.babysleepsolution.com

Answer 6

First take a deep breath.  For some babies it is normal for them to cry, and cry, and cry.  As for the sleeping through the night, Why are you waking him around 11 for another bottle?  If you are waking him then he doesn't need it.  Also you can just let him cry to get it out of his system.  That's what some babies do for attention.

My youngest has just turned a year old and he cries for about 7 or 8 minutes before he falls asleep.  He does this every time he goes to sleep.  Do you have a swing?  If you do use it...it may work wonders.  Also if your always around him then he may be getting worried when you walk out of the room to do something.  Try taking him with you and either letting him scoot on the floor or put him in a seat.  

As for the rice cereal, I notice that most of the people on here say not to use it, but if you think your baby needs more in his system use it.  With my oldest, we started giving him rice cereal in his bottle at 6 weeks old cause he was drinking 8oz every 2-3 hours.

Answer 7

He's only 5 months old... He will get better..> Some babies, mine included, are just clingy.  Soon enough he won't want you around, and will be busy finding things to do on his own.

Also, stop using the rice cereal in his bottle.  It's just a myth that it will help a baby sleep longer throughout the night.  He will sleep soundly throughout the night when he is ready.  

Bath him before he goes to bed.  Use calming wash from Johnson and Johnson or Aveeno or whatever else you can find.

Read a book to him before he goes to bed.  Keep doing this night after night until he start to catch on that this means its time to sleep.

Good luck.  If you feel yourself getting frustrated, have a neighbor or friend or family member watch him while you have a break.  Good luck.

Answer 8

That's what babies are all about!  

Answer 9

As a new parent, it is SO EASY to become frustrated when you can't figure out what your crying baby needs or wants. But, the only way for him to be able to say, "Hey Dad...I need you!", is for him to cry. As far as getting him to sleep through the night...my advice would be to give him a relaxing bath in "sleepy time" bath soap right at 8 o'clock instead of putting him to bed. Then, give him a little massage with some "sleepy time" lotion...I am in love with the sleepy time stuff (smells so good!!). By this time he should be relaxed and it should be about 9pm or 9:30 pm. See if he will take a bottle at this time. Feed him in a quiet, dark room where both of you can relax...maybe even play a baby nightime CD (they sell them or you can make one). When he is finished, lay him down in his crib...he doesn't have to be asleep....and leave the room. When he wakes up during the wee hours of the morning, just check on him. If he is crying, go into his room, lay a hand on him so he knows your there but don't turn on the lights. If he is wet, change him but try not the turn on the light. Keep it as dark as possible so he knows it's not time to wake up yet. Lay him back down, then walk out. If he cries again....you know he is safe where he is and he will just have to cry it out. Let him learn to self soothe. It will take a while. But, if you stick to it, it will get better. And as for the crying during the day...that is how he gets your attention. And when your tense, he feels it and will cry even more. If you feel yourself getting frustrated, put him in a safe place where he can't hurt himself, like his crib, and give yourself a couple of minutes to calm down. Like put him in his crib and go sit on the couch for a couple of minutes. Like, I said...he feels it when your upset, so you have to stay calm. Try working out a schedule of things to do during the day...babies need schedules and don't like caios. Do your choirs when he is napping. Take a shower at night. Babies don't stay babies forever, he will grow out of it soon. Just take time for you too. Can you and your wife/girlfriend go out on a date alone leaving the baby with his grandparents or friends that you trust? Can you go out for a Guy's night once a week to get out of the house for a bit? Hang in there...one day you will look at him and think, "Where did the time go?"

My son, now 5, was extremely colicky....very trying on my patience. At one time I though to myself, "d**n, why does this kid hate me so much?". But, one thing I failed to realize is it truly doesn't last forever. Sorry so long but I do understand how you feel. And we are about to experiance it again now that we are expecting our second child. But, knowing what I know now, I will enjoy every minute of it...even the ear piercing screams and sleepless nights simply because they grow up so fast!!! Trust me on that. Good luck to you and your little boy!