Is chastity (or abstinence) for life ethical?

Question

As a spiritual person (I am a very religious Wiccan), I have always thought that chastity and celibacy were great things.. I have never gone on a date, never kissed or even had any kind of romantic/sexual contact with anyone (although I have been tempted once or twice). I am almost 21 and as i contemplate the rest of my life, I am unsure that what I am doing is ethical.. I have hurt people's feelings, hurt myself, and hated myself, because of unpure thoughts...

I shout at people who ask me out on a date, and act extremely cold to innocent... If it is ethical, how can I do this without turning cold and bitter inside?

Answer 1

God created s*x.He wants us to have s*x,the boundaries are marriage(one man + one woman).

Answer 2

Yes, I think it is ethical.  s*x is a beautiful thing...when done between two people who respect both it and each other and who want it.  If you have to coerce yourself into it, then it isn't healthy for you.

People behave badly in the face of lots of ethical choices.  One fact does not follow the other.  

However, a s*x drive is normal in humans.  If you have none, that can indicate a problem.  If its getting in the way of you relating to people (such as declining dates in a polite manner) then perhaps you should consider therapy and see if there are some underlying issues that might need addressing.  The end result might not be you having s*x.  It could be you simply being more comfortable in refraining from it.  It sounds to me like you have a lot of inner conflict on the subject at the moment.

Answer 3

Stupidity can be a sin. There is NO excuse for your treatment of people, ESP in the name of religion. So, you are a hypocrite no matter how you slice it. What needs to be done, is to stop the meanness. Forget the celibacy. You think celibates can't go to h**l.

But if nothing else works with you, consider that the greatest sin is SCANDAL. If people are abandoning God because of you, there is nothing to justify it.

Answer 4

It depends on how you do it. I'm pretty sure you didn't hurt too many people by being celibate.

You can still date and be celibate...but that would hurt them even worse because they would be strongly emotionally attached to you and when they wanted to move it to the next level (have kids with you) and you tell them no...what would that do?

So you can keep your relationships purely platonic and stay a virgin, or you can still wait until you're found the one for you.

It's really up to you. I'm waiting until marriage (for health and emotional reasons) but it's a personal choice.

Answer 5

Examine your reasons for staying celibate.  It is a good thing to be chaste, but why? Are you planning to do this for the rest of your life?

By all means do so. It's totally your choice and your spiritual path is your own. But never lose sight of the fact that you're doing this for your spiritual growth, and hurting others is not a very spiritual thing to do.

Answer 6

No need to shout, just answer innuendos with blank stares and if someone asks you out flatly say no.

Answer 7

i think that romance, love and s*x are one of the greatist gifts in life and you are missing out of lots of fun and happiness - but if thats what floats your boat then u guess be true to your self...

Answer 8

NOWHERE in the Bible (no, I'm not Wiccan, and can imagine Wiccans are even MORE laid back) does it say to remain a virgin forever.  It just says to enjoy the miracle of s*x after marriage.  It sounds like you haven't been having very much fun.  You should at LEAST maybe try having a girlfriend, if you're interested in anyone.  Holding hands and hugging are a good start, and then you can work your way up to kissing lol:)  xxxxx

Answer 9

You never explained your reason for being celibate.  Is it because you are attracted to members of your same s*x and you find this repulsive?

I cannot address homosexuality other than to offer my opinion that it is a perversion, but that is all it is just opinion.

I can see no reason to be celibate except if you are drawn to members of your own s*x and have no attraction for the opposite s*x.

Love is a wonderful thing which makes a person more complete and is quite healthy.  I know of no religion where celibacy is endorsed except for Priests, Nuns, and Brothers in the Catholic Church and I believe that is a mistake.  The bible says a Bishop should be blameless, the husband of one wife.  It does not say celibate.  

Answer 10

Chastity is neither ethical nor unethical.  It is simply a way of being.  It must not be necessary, of course, or society would have to sin in order to survive...a strange concept.

But you remind me of an old Zen story.  A woman supported a monk, giving him a hut and sustenance.  After many years, she desired to test him.  So she sent a girl to come on to him, to see what he'd do.  He basically turned her away, telling her to get lost.  The old woman was horrified that he had not considered the girl's needs and showed her no compassion, so she went and immediately burned down his hut.

If what you do doesn't reflect the essence of love and compassion, how can you say that your behavior is ethical?  It is possible to live a life of chastity and be virtuous about it, but chastity is not necessary.  Why put yourself through something you obviously don't want to go through?

Answer 11

There is nothing unethical about celibacy, per se, as you are harming no one, technically.

Chastity (not the same thing as celibacy) is not unethical, either--quite the opposite, in fact.

It sounds to me as if something more is going on here than just religious belief.  There is no reason why you should be cold or aloof toward others when explaining that you wish to remain celibate.  If you were truly comfortable with the idea, you would be relaxed when explaining it or when turning soeone down.  Instead, it sounds to me as if you feel that you must justify your choice.

I will say that nothing about Wicca requires celibacy.  Nature plays a large part in Wiccan religoius beliefs, and expressing one's sexuality in a healthy, consensual, and contraceptive way is perfectly fine, especially now that you are no longer a teenager.  

I think you might need to do some soul-searching and self-questioning as to why you become cold and aloof when the subject comes up.  

That said, there is nothing at all wrong with living celibately, as long as you are comfortable with that and feel fulfilled by it.

Blessed be!