Is divorce acceptable if the marriage was a purely civil ceremony and not a christian one?

Question

OK, first of all, apologies if this should be in the Religious & Spirituality section but I am asking for answers from christians preferably, though all are welcome to comment....

I am in love with a married woman, who also loves me. She married maybe 1-2 years ago for the sake of her daughter and to add some stability to her life. She now has a second daughter but her marriage is failing. Her husband has cheated on her, and is no longer interested in her. They were married in a civil ceremony only, therefore I wondered if this still in the eyes of god counts as a marriage?

Even though I am not great with kids and that this woman is not a christian, though she is open-minded and tolerant toward my christianity, I desperately wish to be with her, help share the responsibility of raising her children and believe her to be my soulmate.

We have a great deal in common and have helped each other so much over the past few years.

Sorry for the essay, but any help/advice/experiences of your own would be very much appreciated.

Thank you and god bless.

Answer 1

I was raised Methodist and yes, by those standards her marriage was valid in the eyes of God.  It "counts."  However, we don't have a stigma against divorce.  That part is going to have to be between the two of you, your pastor, and your prayers.  And of course she would have to legally be divorced before you two could marry, whether in a church or not.  Take care.  

Answer 2

If you're concerned about the religious perspective because you can see yourself marrying her someday, many churches will be hesitant or even refuse to perform the ceremony. Her divorce will be an issue, but the fact that she is not a Christian will be a bigger deal. The Bible says that a believer should not marry a non-believer.  

Answer 3

Marriage is a legal situation, not a spiritual one.  Divorce is acceptable whenever it occurs.  Don't waste time worrying about something so trivial.  What I see as more important than anything is the fact this woman can't cope on her own; perhaps she does need time alone so she grows to know herself and becomes more self reliant.  

Answer 4

Divorce is acceptable if the person getting the divorce feels it's acceptable. End of story.

Answer 5

You probably should be more concerned about her current marriage than your future relationship with her. The church won't recognize her civil mariage and subsequent divorce. Will your church condone you marrying a non-christian?

Answer 6

Well technically, Marriage is a legal procedure.  You go to church to get married only- If you were  to get a divorce you wouldnt go to church to get it would you? No-  

If you were really worried about the religious piece, you would not be taling to a married women!!!! with kids!!! shame on you!

If she is not happy and does not want to be with him then she should get a divorce.  You should really think about why she is not happy- It could be her!! Also do some soul searchin on yourself- Thats a bog package you are taking over!

Good luck!

Answer 7

The marriage is legal and binding in a civil ceremony, the only difference with a church wedding is that you are taking your vows in the eyes of God.

A divorce is recognised therefore, legally, as an end to a marriage wherever it was performed.

You may find it difficult to get married in Church because of this and may have to opt for a civil ceremony yourself with perhaps a Church blessing, this would be acceptable to your Church but you cant take your vows there as there has already been a legal union before with your partner.

Its very noble of you to want to help this woman, are you sure you are in love with her and not her situation ?

Its all very well that she is "tolerant" of your christianity, but what does that mean ? you will go to sunday service alone ? I dont think that is an ideal situation especially if you have a blessing in your faith.

Think long and hard before you make any moves regarding marrying her, I dont doubt you have feelings for her but your life has not mirrored hers and that in itself can cause problems in a relationship however understanding she has been.

If you are a practising christian why dont you speak to  your vicar/priest and get his opinion on this before doing anything.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Divorce is a legal procedure, and marriage is a legal procedure . The difference is this, a Christian marriage is when the couple vows to God that they will be a union built on the foundation of God's word and make promises to eachother and to God to build that relationship in Christian ways.  

I am concerned that she is taking steps to have someone to take over caring for her and her children when she leaves her husband. It is not healthy to enter a longterm relationship with these dynamics. If you love her, and she loves you, then waiting a few years would be in the best interest of you all. And, religion is very important to agree upon, and I am a bit stymied why you aren't thinking about that. Do you think you can convert her to your ways of thinking?

How about some counseling to sort some of this out before you jump in with this lady? I am sure she is a nice person, and that you have strong feelings, but please take this slow!