Is divorce the only way?

Question

I've been married for two years now, and nothing has changed. We are arguing every single day, and we get violent most of the times. I go to the market to buy all the groceries, clean the house, make breakfast and dinner, do laundry, etc. ALL BY MYSELF! I have a full time job as well. My husband goes golfing on the weekends.. EVERY SAT. AND SUN.! We never go out. My husband sleeps on the sofa because he says he likes sleeping there. We have s*x only once a month. We have no kids, and I can't have a kid when I have s*x only once a month! I'm not fat nor ugly. I just can't live like this anymore... I want some intelligent suggestions. Religious preferably..

Answer 1

GIRL!! I feel you, I'm in a pretty similar circumstance with my husband, been married for less than 3 years, I'm extremely unhappy, I do things around the house, he helps in ABSOLUTELY nothing, he''s a momma's boy, so you can just imagine, sadly, I have to wait until I can separate/divorce, since I still have to find a job. I know my husband loves me, but I'm extremely misserable in this relationship. If you are unhappy, and things are the way you describe them, then chances are it won't work out. I have already accepted that. All I have left to do is get a job, find a place, and leave. Good luck to you. And God bless.  

Answer 2

well the real question is do you love him? enough to stay? you may have just hit a rough patch in your relationship. talk to him, do fun things that you used to do before you were married.  try going golfing with him. ask him nicely to do the dishes because you are tired. or just dont do it, let the house become gross and then on sat and sun just be like, oh yeah i'm going to a spa! HAHA! take that ! lol and if you still feel this way after a couple weeks or so of this... i spose you coukd divorce. i mean with no kids, youre open

Answer 3

Religious?

Don't depend on that for any answers because you'll get none. It's up to you to take the bull by the horns. Jesus isn't going to plop down at your kitchen table, pour himself a cup of coffee and begin advising you on how to salvage what by all appearances is a waste of your life.

Arguing is bad enough but when things become violent then its time to pull the plug. If he's sleeping on the sofa it's more than 'because I like it there". And if he isn't sneaking off to m********e somewhere perhaps you might consider that the lack of s*x you may be experiencing might not be the same with him...if you catch my drift.

So my advice? You have no kids. That's more of a blessing than you'll know right now. Kids complicate things and a divorce without kids is easier to settle than one with. You'd best file and be done with this. I'm willing to bed a night out at an outstanding restaurant that specializes in Northern Italian food and one of the best wine lists in New England and then an evening at the theater with an cocktail before bed and the rest of the night in a 5 star hotel locked in a passionate embrace that he isn't going to squawk too loud if you serve him with papers.

In fact, it sounds as though that's just what he's waiting for. So do yourself a favor...make the move first and get your life back in the direction you want it to go.

good luck.  

Answer 4

if you want religious answers then here's one "you cannot divorce unless your husband has been unfaithful to you".

You said that the arguments get violent, you both need therapy. Also he's not being a model husband [modeled by Saint Joseph]. a model husband should help his wife in everytihng she does, and vice versa....I would say a seperation in your case...BUT i am a firm beleiver in divorce.

Answer 5

get down off the cross and get out while you can.  it doesn't take a mind reader to see that your husband has moved on emotionally (if not physically also).  cut your loses and learn from your mistakes.  make a better choice next time.

Answer 6

i think you know what the answer is. why stay unhappy like this the rest of your life.

Answer 7

Why stay?  No kids.  What's his handicap?  

Answer 8

Divorce is the easy way... and maybe even the right way. But I would give it more of a chance first. My wife and I went through some similar emotional problems where we felt like we just no longer clicked. But we realized when we started talking about potentially divorcing, that we really didn't want to be without each other. We discovered open communication was the key. Now we tell each other everything, our feelings, our thoughts, our desires, etc. Because we're so overly open with each other, we've grown extremely clsoe together and could never even imagine the thought of divorce anymore. Sit your husband down to have a serious conversation. Let him know that you cannot continue living this way, and something has to change for the marriage to continue to work. However, be careful not to make demands or ultimatums. It needs to be a two-way conversation with you both having an open mind.

Answer 9

please leave this man and don't have children with him. he makes you miserable and will continue to and it will get worse.  s*x once a month... he obviously does not love you, or is g*y and using you to cover it up. try marriage counseling but to me it sounds hopeless.

Answer 10

i think that if you are unhappy and things are as bad as you say they are then i guess that is the way to go. plus if you keep going like this them someone is going to end up cheating and that wold be just as bad as getting the divorce.

Answer 11

Iv'e been with my wife for 28 years now and are ready to call it quits . You sound like a breath of fresh air to me . I have so not believed in divorce no matter what but we just don't like each other anymore . I have only been able to stay this long because of my high tolerance for emotional pain . I was raised with alot of it . Good luck with your dreams .

Answer 12

I am sorry for what you are going through and I can honestly say I know how you feel. I am now going through a divorce. I was married for 5 years and we went through the exact same thing. I cooked, cleaned, worked full time and took care of our two kids and his son from a previous relationship. For the 1st 2 years we just argued, it then escalated to fighting and eventually sleeping in separate rooms. No matter what i did to resolve our issues he was adamantly against it: counseling, church, family...nothing worked. Even the day I left I told him that if he wanted me and the kids to stay and try to work it out then we would...he just got in his car and left. It dawned on me that day that he just didn't want to be with me....or married to me.  I am totally against divorce but sometime you have to do what is best for you and your kids...It's funny, since we've been apart we're communicating better. I've been told that some people cannot handle marriage and will and should never get married. he is one of those people.

Answer 13

Whats the point of being married if this is what your life is....If he doesn't want to change or try then leave..I am not very religions..but i belive in god. If you feel like getting divorced is against your believes then be unhappy then...