Is family sabotaging my efforts?

Question

or are they just toxic.

i want to preface this by saying that i have never asked anyones advice or otherwise whined about this to anyone.

background= mom and dad fundamentalist hippiechristians who raised three childrenn in very strict biblical perameters. all three of us experienced significant emotional trauma that was neglected by their doctrine. this lead to a rift in developmental progression that has negatively impacted all of our adult lives.

as an example my mother has an idea of me that is candyland. she sees me as a young republican hyper-christian who "entertains" a- list socialites on the veranda. she sees someone who cares what fork is appropriate for salad and aspires to brownnose to someone important oneday.

in reality i am a combat veteran who could really give a sh** what fork is used and would probably avoid being someplace where it mattered. what i am intersted in is happyness, it doesnt matter if i am emptying portajons or cleaning pools, as long as i have some piece of mind.

this brings me to my point.

i have an opportunity to go to work for a company that pays well but isnt prestigious.my family feels this is "beneath" me and are doing everything i ask them not to do, to thwart this oppertunity.

i feel like this is active betrayal and it is seriously damaging any trust left with these people.

i feel like they are being selfish and sadistic in their quest to have something new to brag about.

tell me i am right. just kidding let me know what you think, it is really bothering me. i am a two finger typer and it took me a half hour to write this. thanks

Answer 1

If you are a combat veteran, that implies that you are old enough to risk your life for your country. That entitles you to be treated like an adult. Your future belongs to you, not to your parents. Do what makes you happy. You owe them respect. That does not mean that you must spend the rest of your life living up to their expectations. BTW, no kind of honest work is "beneath" you. If it's what you want, then go for it. Best of luck.

Answer 2

Welcome to my life! Only, I'm not a combat veteran, but everything else applies. Just do what you want to do with your life, and don't worry if our parents think it's beneath you. In any case, there just comes a point where you have to do what you want and not let your parents interfere - this may involve moving out if you haven't already (It sort of did for me).

Answer 3

Man, I feel your pain!!  Everything I do is wrong in my parents eyes.  I think you should only do what you think you need to do to find your happiness in life, live a fulfilling, happy life, full of loving people and only have an "arm's length" relationship with your parents.   You evidently are an adult and can make your own decisions.  Then make your own decisions.  You only can live by your own accord.  You are NOT an extension of your parents, no matter what they think.  Somehow my parents think I live my life to sabatoge what THEY do!?  I try to just leave them alone and live my life.  

I've come to the conclusion that I am never going to be validated by my parents or have the love and emotional support I want from them.  So I have moved on.  I have a job that I love and am raising my children to be loving, accepting people who love and accept me.  We all have a mutual respect for each other.  Something I never had or will have with my parents.  

I think at some point you are going to have to realize that is what is going to have to be.  

This is, of course, assuming you have tried to talk to them, express to them how you feel, offer to go to counseling, etc.  Exhaust every avenue first.  Then, if all else fails, then just move on.  Live your life.  Life is too short to worry about what other people think...even if it is your parents.