Is fostering children actually good for them?

Question

We are considering fostering children but I always worry that giving a child a taste of what they cant have long-term might mess them up even more?

I would love to foster or adopt, I just want to do whats best for the child but I do wonder if fostered children end up with a more traumatic experience every time they have to leave a house / family that they got very attached to?

Answer 1

i dont know, having been bought up in a childrens home, i longed to live with a family, but i have heard ppl say they were ,really grateful to the foster mums for giving them a taste of home so taking that in consideration, i think fostering is a good thing for most kids.

Answer 2

Good for you.  Foster children are the children who truly need parents.  Foster to adopt, you could get placed with children whose parental rights were already terminated.  I wish more people were like you.  Best of luck.

Answer 3

If you can give them a stable home for as long as they need it then it must be good, its only kids that get shoved about from home to home that regret it.

Answer 4

My mother was a foster parent for our state, and the kids she had were from very bad backgrounds. It was hard for them to leave once they were placed in our home, a lot of them have succeeded in life even with their experience, instead of being a danger to society. I say fostering a child is a kind/warm thing to do. Like I said, is it hard for them to get used to something new, and to leave somewhere they like and have gotten attached to. BUT when they leave your home it is usually for a permanent home (in our state it is) So if you are willing to help needy children out, good for you, Good Luck.

People will praise and give thanks for you doing this. Its the best thing somebody can do for children who do not have families.

Answer 5

i work with many foster parents and have listened to many foster youth panels and these are my thoughts.  being a foster parent is a wonderful thing....as long as you know what you are getting into.  every kid has a different situation and goal, whether it is reunification or long-term foster care.  i believe that foster parents need to know that what they do can be either traumatizing or beneficial to a foster child.  first i would suggest that no matter what the behavior of the child is that you don't kick them out at that first sign of bad behavior.  this is a HUGE trust issue for foster children and many do this to test just how much you care about them.  i would also suggest that you treat them as you would your own child and try to give them the most normal life possible within the aspects of foster care.  

foster children need stability.  stick with them through the tough times and eventually they will build such a strong, positive relationship with you that you will find the most rewarding feeling.  all it takes is one adult to be there for them throughout their life that they can always lean on.

Answer 6

I'd say fostering is better. Fostering is changing a childs life who has had a pretty rubbish one so far...

Adopting is just taking a baby that would have just a good a life with someone else, when there is a h**l of a lot of people who are wanting to adopt little cute babies. I guess its harder to kids up for fostering...

Answer 7

They are traumatized with every house/family they live in.  My late best friend lived in more than 20 foster homes.  Since then, MN has changed the rules and if the child and foster parent are happy with the arrangement, they try to keep the child in the same foster home.  In the past, if you, as a foster parent, applied to adopt the child, they would immediately whisk the child away to a new foster home.  That lasted until a 16 year old was told he had to leave a foster home where he was very happy.  He set fire to a number of businesses in protest, causing hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of damage.  This finally publicized the plight of foster children and the economics preventing them from being adopted or at least to remain where they were happy.  Lots of changes since then, I hope for the better.

BTW, my parents knew that family.  He was eventually adopted by that foster family as an adult.

Answer 8

Long term fostering or adoption is best. In short term they get messed around and it can psychologically damage a child.

Answer 9

fostering children is not good for the child....i understand that the foster parents are trying to help them but i was in foster care my whole life and i was just passed from home to home i got attached some of these times and i felt unwanted when the foster parents didn't want me anymore...now i have MAJOR issues with trusting people...i cant trust anyone, and it really effects the relationships i have with people because trust is an important thing and it really is impossible for me to have a good relationship with someone and because of that i don't think I'll ever be able to get married and have a fulfilling life.

Answer 10

Kids want love, attention, care, and consideration.  Quite frankly, I had a relative whose child got so many gifts for Christmas that she said, "No more", because she was tired of unwrapping.  After her nap, she played with the cardboard boxes, and grandma's pan lids.  

Fostering children is much better than leaving them in their homes to be abused, neglected, exposed to drugs/alcohol, etc.  The goal is to try to get parents and children re-united, and give parents the opportunity to be a parent again if they've made a mistake.  The tragic part is, some people just never make it as parents due to mental illness, their own history of abuse, addictions, and continued poor choices that endanger kids.  By the time these kids get into foster care, anything is better than where they've come from.  Some kids are successfully re-united immediately, and some get put into the system because of false accusations by people trying to hurt the adult who cares for them, and other reasons, however, by the time a parent's rights are severed, there has already been such a history of neglect and/or abuse that they need care.

It takes a special person to be a foster parent and to learn how to meet the needs of a foster child.  For them to be in foster care getting spoiled a little bit is fine.  If and when they are re-united, send their new toys with them so they can enjoy them.  Take the courses necessary to become a foster parent, and there you can learn how it helps, and also how foster care can hinder a child.  The saying, "If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you, it is yours; and if it doesn't, it never was." is so true about fostering.  I know a group of kids who temporarily went to foster care for a few months, and now that their mother has the resources to know how to help her kids better (father was caught peaking into teen girls' shower), the kids go back once in a while and spend time with their former foster parent, who has meanwhile adopted another foster child.    They like to go, because they do get spoiled, however, they love being home with their mom even more!    10's of 1000's of kids need help, and the system is so overloaded, I urge you to start the process if you are considering it.  Yes, it is a little frustrating, but so worth the rewards in your heart!

Answer 11

If the situation that they are in is awful, then fostering a child can be very good for them.  I was in care for 12 years, I was molested for 6 of them...but my last home was wonderful...I lived with a caring and beautiful woman and she showed me that I was worth caring for.  I do not think I would be where I was today (happily married with three kids nd graduating from college in a week) if she had not been apart of my life!

Answer 12

Isn't it better to give a child loving support while you can than to have them suffer perpetually? There's only so much that can be done, but fostering is better than letting the child be. Even a brief rescue from an awful situation is something. They should at least get to see that a person can love them, and restore a little bit of faith in other people. And maybe you'll get lucky, and your fostered child won't be able to go back to their old home, or will leave the system before then.

I intend to be a foster parent, and I know people who have been in the system.

Also, the foster system has a bad rap, and many parents are in it for the money. If you do not foster, someone else will. Might as well offer a loving-if temporary-home to a child, who could have ended up in another abusive place.

Answer 13

Fostering is great if done properlly.  The goal of foster care  or at least it should be is reunification. You provide a safe loving place while the parents work on them. Sometimes that is not possible and there is no family that can take them.   In that case they go for permant custody and can be aopted. YOu can adopt them or continue to give them a loving home until one is found.  what is bad is when kids get abused in foster care or mistreated.  If it is done correctly it is a wonderful but difficult thing.

Answer 14

well, i know a horror story about a fostered kid....flunked school, got involved with bad people, drugs, crime, in prison right now at 18 for 'attempted murder'....

i have known him since we were in preschool, he had a troubled childhood and never cought a break, and i can tell  you the only time he ever seemed happy to me was the year he lived with his foster mother. she gave his life stability and very nearly turned his life around. he went back to school, even stopped hanging out with the wasters he had for friends....but then she died and his life went to ****. trust me if you could help any kid like she very nearly did for him then it's worth trying. you really can help them.

Answer 15

I think it would be best to give them some sort of support even if its for a short time you might very well make a huge impact in their lives. You’d be showing them that someone does care about them, and could teach them some things while they are with you even if it’s for a short time.  Even if they don’t even up getting adopted and some are never available for adoption.  They still might be able to take from their good experience in a positive Foster homes and use that the rest of their lives. Dave Pelezer who was horrible abused by his mother, and went into foster care spent like 6 or 7 years going from foster family to family,  but in his book he shows that each of those foster families helped him out in some way, taught him something that helped him to be a better adult. In fact one of his books was dedicated to all the FF he had had, regardless how long he stayed with them.