Is having a baby a good enough reason to get married?

Question

personally, i think not. i have been with the father of my child for 2 years and although we are deeply in love and live together as a family i am in no rush to get married. it seems like there is a lot of pressure from the outside that the "right" thing to do is get married. but why? i'm only 20 (hes 27) and i'm not really comfortable with the idea of marriage when i'm so young. my parents were together for 18 years and they still got divorced...plus my credit isnt that great and it would s***w up his if we tied the knot, you know like if we wanted to buy a house together or something... i think that as long as we are providing our child with a stable safe loving environment than it shouldnt matter if we are "only" boyfriend and girlfriend...does any one else think this way?

p.s.

we want to get married *someday* but not anytime in the near future

Answer 1

Wow I am going through the exact same thing, strange.

I know what you mean by outside pressure EVERYONE asks me "when are you getting married" the second they find out I am pregnant (14 weeks, so not extremely noticeable yet). I think about it a lot and baby's don't care if your married if they have both parents happily living together and both are active in providing for the child then why worry. Many kids nowadays don't even have one decent parent so I think a child that has both is very lucky, even if they are not married.

That is just my opinion. We are planning to get married in a few years the baby will only be 2 or 3 and will never remember us not being married. That way we can have a wedding where I am not pregnant and I don't have the added stress of planning one when I am pregnant.

I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 2

My mom would say that u shoud get married.  You should have thought about it before u got nocked up.  I did the same thing that u are doing.  My son was 8 months old when i married his mother.  we had planned on getting married before we found out she was pregnant but we were planning on waiting a couple of years.  We kind of got pressured into it.  I think u should wait till u both are deffinetly ready.  As i have found out being married is a lot harder than you would think.  I have been married for one year.

Answer 3

If it's not the right time, don't do it.  I've been married four times now.  The last one is finally real.  Divorce is expensive.  You just won't be able to buy a house together.  Get you life together and your mind straight before you step into a life long term with your man.

Answer 4

Short answer: no.

You should get married because you WANT to, not because you feel you HAVE to...I had my first son at 17, and surprisingly, my mom made it known that 'I didn't have to marry him just because I got pregnant.'

We didn't. We were together 3 years after our son was born and did it when we were ready. There's no reason to rush into things. We've been together almost 9 years, married for almost 6.

Answer 5

I have the same issue, My BF and I have been together for 3 years and we have a 2 year old. Ppl keep saying that we should get married because we have a baby. I personally feel the same way as you. Just because you have a child doesn't mean that you need to get married. Most marriages end in divorce nowadays anyway. I think as long as you are happy and are providing a loving and healthy life to your child there isn't much difference in being "married" other than your lasts names.

Answer 6

In a perfect world, couples make a lifelong commitment to each other and then start a family.

But as the Walgreen's commercial says, We don't live in Perfect.

In cases where the baby carriage comes first, I think it is reasonable - and sensible - to focus on raising your child together and postpone conversations about marriage.  

I'm not sure I would let concerns about credit guide my thinking, and just because your parents divorced doesn't mean that you will, too.  The bottom line is that while you're both engaged and dedicated to raising your child, you're not ready to tie the knot - and that's no one's decision but your own.

People tend to think that marriage is an end state, but really, it's the beginning.  Adjusting to being husband and wife is nearly as tough as adjusting to being mom and dad - new roles always take some adjusting.

Stay strong, and don't let others define your happily ever after.  As long as you're giving your child a stable home life, you're doing what's required for all concerned.

Answer 7

you should get married when you and your partner are ready. end of story. LOVE, Honesty, trust, and security are the only important factors here. Tell "everyone else" to Mind-Your-Own-Business.