Is having one child such a bad thing?

Question

I had severe hyperemesis during my first pregnancy, 2 years ago. I don’t want to get pregnant again because of my near death experience with hyperemesis and knowing it gets worse with each pregnancy but I feel so terribly guilty for not giving my child a sibling. I wouldn't think twice about it if not for people telling me it's not fair to my child to not give him a sibling. Please help!

Answer 1

No it's not. But if you want your child to have a sibling, consider fostering a child, then adopt him/her. It costs alot less by taking that route.

Just a joke I swear, but sometimes it's best not to replace your husband =]

Answer 2

You know, it's really a personal decision. I can understand why you wouldn't want to have another child if you had a near death experience with the first one. Tell them that every child is a blessing and you are very thankful for the one that you have, but you wouldn't feel comfortable having another.

If YOU really do want to give your child another sibling but don't want to go through the pregnancy process you could always consider adoption.

Answer 3

there are pros and cons to each.  some only children will tell you they always wanted a sibling growing up because they don't know any better and don't believe you when you try to tell them it's not like it is on tv.  so long as only children have lots of love they grow up to be happy, intelligent, well adjusted adults.  not only that, you're helping reduce the world's population and humanity's use of resources.  i wouldn't feel bad at all.

Answer 4

Personally...I could have lived without siblings. They are more annoying than practically anything else. If this is for a medical reason then you have the choice. I am sure your child would like you to live rather than have a sibling.

Answer 5

Its not that big a deal; and if you actually feel at the point of to much guilt (which I think is ridiculous) you can always adopt a child; but there is something wrong with that because; if you adopt a child the other sibling will make fun of the other one most likely (most siblings do) until there both past the age of 15 most; but if you don't he will most likely figure out hes adopted and might feel you betrayed his trust

but on the other hand of not having a second child you save money and don't have to deal with the fights (I know that sounds selfish)

also no one really needs a sibling sometimes I wished I was a only child though but I actually like having an older brother but still your not depriving your child of anything; really its your decision not your child's

Answer 6

Hey, Ambi, I'm an only!  I'm not spoiled and I can interact!!

Maybe you could adopt.  That way your child will have a sibling and you don't have to go through that again.

Answer 7

well if you dont want to go through pregnancy ut you ant another child you can always give your eggs to someone you trust and they will carry the baby for you(its legal)

Answer 8

I think its definately one of the worst decisions you would have to make in your life. I wouldn't risk it. I was an only child for a long time and it really wasn't too bad. If you really want to give your child a sibling why dont you consider adoption? It would be too dangerous to risk your life having birth. Think about it. Best of luck in whatever decision you persue!

Answer 9

I was an only child, and I would never change that.  If your child ever asks for another sibling, maybe you could consider adoption.

Answer 10

Only children have some real advantages in life. All that parental attention can do wonderful things. Get this child involved in sports, music or some other passion where he or she can form bonds. They'll be just fine! I've taught many of them.

Answer 11

Everyone has a different opinion, some people preferr to give all of their love to just one child and there is nothing wrong with that. If your only reason for not having another child is because of your near death experience but you do want another one than maybe you should look into adoption. Get your chil envolved let them pic the race or the age or the s*x it could be done as a family. That my opinion hope it helps either way there is no wrong answer and u are doing nothing wrong by trying to avoid any seriouse risks, you are a mother and you want to always be there for you child.

Answer 12

It's not fair to YOU that other people are trying to guilt you into having another child. Even kids with siblings grow up lonely sometimes and there is no guarentee that once the kids are grown that they will even be friends. There are a lot of benefits to being an only child, more benefits than drawbacks actually. Google it! As long as you love your kid and make it a point for him/ her to be around other kids and learn how foster healthy relationships there is no problem!

Answer 13

It's your body and health, not your child's.  You're not depriving your child of anything.  No one 'needs' a sibling. Your child's behavioral outcome has nothing to do with whether or not he or she has a sibling but your training, expectations, love, guidance, and correction.

Answer 14

Honey, it sounds like you went to h**l and back with your first pregnancy.  This is not about you being selfish - this is about you being healthy - and alive!

If a second pregnancy would be high risk, don't do it.  Your child needs you to be here for him, and a 2 y.o. has a tough time dealing with mommy's limitations during a *normal* pregnancy, never mind one with extra trips to the doctor, hospital stays and possibly bed rest.

Only children do just fine.  They have friends and other family members to fall back on.  Might it be a little lonely at times?  Sure.  But kids from big families complain about not getting enough attention.  There's no perfect answer to family size - it's all about what's possible and comfortable for you and your partner.

Now, if you're really heartbroken that a second child is in the cards, then it's reasonable to pursue alternatives.  Are there specialists in your field you can consult?  Is adoption a good choice for you?

But that ought to be about your desire for another child - not about guilt that your little one won't have anyone to play with.

As for people's comments?  Puh-lease.  I'm amazed at how many freelance parenting consultants are in business these days.  I'd just smile and say, "We're just not sure if that's right for us."  And if you want to be honest, I'd tell the truth:  "I can't have any more children."  In fact, if you want to shut down someone really nosy, you might say, "I can't have any more children, and it's very hurtful for me to discuss."

But really, if they don't accept your smiled, vague "We're not sure" as the polite "back off" that it is?  Then your questioner has a problem - not you.

I know two women who have both had high risk pregnancies and decided to stop with one child.  It happens, and their kids are just fine - more importantly, my friends are fine, too, and healthy and able to be HERE for their kids.

Answer 15

You almost died during your pregnancy, and you're going to let people make you feel guilty about not risking your life again???

I think it would be a lot worse for your child if you died during your pregnancy than it will be for him to grow up as an only child. Plenty of people grow up to be just fine as an only child. I can't believe people are honestly that rude to say things like that!!!

Answer 16

I wouldnt want to have another child if my life was on the line either.. then your child now would no longer have a mother. That isnt fair either... If you feel that bad why not opt for adoption!. That would be a great way to get your child a sibling with no physical harm to you.

good luck, and its ultimately your choice.

Answer 17

it is perfectly fine to only have one child. People need to mind their own business.

Answer 18

Why not adopt?  There are so many children already born who whould love to be a part of a loving family.

Answer 19

It is no ones business! You should feel lucky to be here for your first born! Your life is more important !  You should feel no guilt!! If you were to die during your second pregnancy that would be the injustice!!  Adoption is an option! - but no one is to judge you on one child; How lucky this child is!! You can not be replaced!! This is a subject that has no business being brought up by any one except you and your husband. This falls into the area of how much money do you and your husband make- How much is your house worth-  When was your last menstrual cycle-  ALL of which is NO ONES BUSINESS!!! These subjects and others similar are asked by others that will try to interfere or gossip about you or your marriage. Do not consider these subjects for conversation!! Look at what they have you thinking about- putting your life on the line!! ENJOY BEING THE MOTHER OF ONE!!!

Answer 20

Yes!

Most only children are spoiled brat's and cant interact with others as well as children with siblings.

If i didnt have 3 older sisters i would die of boredome!!

Trust me always have at least 2 kids ( the least )

Answer 21

well you could always adopt, if you feel strongly about having a sibling for your other child. I have lots of friends that have only one kid and they are fine with it, my husband was an old child hes not a spoiled brat, hes very well educated and very well taken care of, he gets along very well with others and has no communication issues, so the first answer doesnt know what shes talking about. You want to be around for your child right? I wouldnt suggest getting pregnant again just because you feel guilty, you want to have good health and be able to take care of that child =) good luck

Answer 22

I am in a similar situation.  I had blood clot during my pregnancy two years ago and it very serious.  Had I gone to bed that day inside of going to the hospital I would likely not been here and either would my beautiful daughter.  The doctors say that I can have another child but there would clearly be risks involved since my clot was cause by a genetic disorder.  I had 9 months of morning sickness too, but clearly not as bad as yours.  People are starting to bother me as well about having a child.  I am trying not to let their interference bother me, but sometimes it does.  I try to blow them off and say "we will see- maybe" but that doesn't always work.  I think I would love to have another one, but I am like you-  I am scared.

If you are certain that you don't want to try for another child then think of it this way-  The worse thing for your child would be if your baby didn't have his mother.   And just because a child has a sibling it doesn't mean they will get along.  My sister and I have tried for years to work on our relationship and it is terrible.  So do what is in your heart and try not to let them bother you.  Believe me I know it is tough to ignore them.

Answer 23

I can see why you'd be apprehensive about having a second!!

I have a daughter who is almost 6 and for the longest time my husband and I weren't going to have another.  We got the same thing.  Nag nag nag all the time about having another so our first wouldnt be lonely, and what if something happened to us.....we got it all.  but it is an individual descision to be made by you and your hubby, and nobody else.   in the end we did decide to have another, but thats because it suited us and we were ready.  If you arent ready, or dont want to, dont let anyone hassle you.  Tell them you cant have anymore and they'll leave you alone.  (Its funny that if you CHOOSE not to, they keep on you, but if you CANT they back right off.)

Answer 24

nothing wrong with that,just think of your health first.there's no law saying you have to have more than 1 child.its your decision no one elses.

Answer 25

you need to do what is best for you. if you feel having one child is for you, then it is. i have one people tell me all the time oh he needs a sibling. but i dont know yet and there is nothing wrong with that. just be involved in playgroups and make lots of playdates!