Is he being selfish or am I overreacting?

Question

Me and my bf moved in together about 2 months ago. We have dated a year. Recently my daughter (who is 19 and lives alone) has had alot of bad luck such as can't find a job and today her car broke down. I have my car and my bf has 4 cars. So I asked him if she could borrow one until she get hers fixed (probably a few days). He said I should just let her borrow mine and I could ride to work with him. Ok, It upset me because 2 of his cars sit all the time and he never drives them. And yes I could ride with him but thats not the point here. I guess I am feeling like he's being really selfish. Its not like he's giving her a car or something. My question is do you think he's being selfish?

Answer 1

Honestly no..... You should let her borrow your car and you should drive one of his.  

Answer 2

No,I think he's right,why not let her use your car,If something happen to your car,that would have been between you and your daughter.The man was only keeping the peace,between him against you and your daughter.

Answer 3

Hi Hun,

Look out for behavior like this if he is potential for marriage, He is definitely not open to share his possessions, that means he is not as giving and doesn't look at your family with open arms, he just wants to spend time with you and probably feels like your children are extra baggage for him, test him by asking for something for you daughter later on if her responds with you having to figure it out when he can easily help you then his only looking out for his own good, and I think a relationship should be a caring one and people should help each other out when possible.  Hope all works out.

Annie G

Answer 4

Maybe he dosent want to have the liability if she goes out and gets in a wreck or something. How resposible is your daughter? His relationship is with you not your adult daughter.

EDIT: You asked and we all told you it wasnt selfish & now you dont believe us. Well we are only going by what you said. Thats great you would lend his son your car, I doubt he ever asks.

Answer 5

It is not selfish, but he is protective.  Men love their cars and often don't let anyone near them.  I agree if he gave her a car it would be generous, but he didn't come out and say no, he just offered an alternative solution.

Answer 6

Don't sweat it. It would p*ss me off to , but some men are like that with their cars. They think cars are the world. Just remember that when he asks you for a favor (and you'll probably do the favor cuz u love him!) casually mention it ;)

Answer 7

Why don't you loan her YOUR car and see if he would let you drive one of his?  That is what I would have offered in that situation.  

I know I don't let hardly anyone drive my vehicle, and I can understand him not wanting to loan out his vehicle to a 19 year old especially.  You didn't offer up your vehicle to her, so why should he??????  I know I wouldn't loan my vehicle to someone who my spouse didn't want to loan his vehicle to either, whether it be a long time friend or family member.  And I am sorry, but she is 19. She doesn't have a lot of experience driving.  Three years is not enough experience in my book to loan out a car to, which is a big money item.

You are overreacting in my opinion.  They are his vehicles that HE worked for and HE paid for.  

EDIT:  Plus, if you offered it up without speaking to him first, that could be the main reason as to why he doesn't want to.  He may be feeling like he is not being included in big decisions (and loaning out a vehicle is a BIG decision).  Next time, talk to him first before saying anything or offering anything.  I know if my spouse just offered out one of my vehicles (especially if we were just boyfriend/girlfriend/living together) I would be upset and definitely would not lend out a vehicle that I purchased that was offered up without being asked first.  To me-that is as if I were being taken advantage of.

Answer 8

that's hard to judge. you can't expect him to agree to your idea of volunterring his things..it wasn't his idea.  maybe your b/f thinks your 19 year old could be a little more responsible, and doesn't want to risk her irresponisbility with one of his vehicles.  maybe you could ride with him for a spell and see if that works out for all, or if your b/f has a point in not allowing her to use his vehicle.

good luck.

Answer 9

I'm thinking it's one of those secret tests. Since your daughter is not his, he would want to know if you are using him for his money, ect. If you split up with him just about that, he would know that you don't really love him.

Answer 10

Honestly, no I don't think he's being selfish.  It's be great if he agreed, but it's not his daughter.  

You shouldn't lent your daughter YOUR car and either get a ride with you bf or ask him if YOU could borrow one of his cars.  That probably would've been a much better scenario.

Answer 11

Yes, I would say he is being selfish. At the same time though, I can see why he may not want to lend her the car. If she ended up getting in a wreck, more problems could arise. I would try talking with him and ask what his reasoning is behind not allowing her to use one of his cars.  

Answer 12

A. It's not his daughter.

B. She's an adult.

C. They're his cars.

If he loaned her a car, I think it would be generous, but not loaning her a car is not being selfish, it's being reasonable and prudent.

Answer 13

It's kinda selfish, yes. If she's not responsible I understand his reasons. If she is responsible then I think he's being kind of a jerk. Like you said its just for a few days. If you are planning to get married later this shows you how he is going to treat your family. He seems to only want to be with you and not accept your children. You have some big issues to work through before marriage or even continuing in this relationship. Does he do this with other things as well? Does he try to be controlling, does he keep his money seperate, does he like to make all the plans for what you're doing? Think about all this. Good luck!

Answer 14

Just because he lives with you doesn't mean he has to lend out a car for your child. Yes it would be a nice gesture however he probably is scared of being used.  He could also be scared of her wrecking his car and being liable for it.  

Answer 15

Another case of "ENTITLEMENT".

Just because you are living with him and giving him the booty, doesn't mean that you and yours are entitled to his stuff.

I think that you are being childish and apparently have a misconception on relationships and responsibility.

Answer 16

no. I think he's worried about his cars and he doesn't want anyone else driving them. It's quirky but not unheard of

Answer 17

I think it is a bit selfish however it only a few days is it worth an argument

Does he share with you and how does ur daughter treat him these answer will help u to see if it just him

Answer 18

I agree, they are his cars.

Your daughter sounds like a load of drama.  Sorry but I read right through your email.  If she has no job, how can she afford the repairs?

Your boyfriend is smart to keep her drama and your relationship separate.