Is he going to be a future deadbeat dad?

Question

I am 8 months pregnant and very very scared. I'd say that me and the child's father had broken up during my 5th month. We broke up because instead of wanting to prepare for the birth of our child, he'd rather go to clubs every single weekend and spend money that we don't have on gas and whatever else in the world. Then I found out that he was going to clubs and flirting with all types of women and on a few occasions even lied to me about certain "friends", saying that they were cousins and so on. When I confronted him about his fake family in the presence of his father he gets mad enough to spit in my face ( while I'm pregnant people). We were down south at the time and I have decided that things were not going to get better, so I moved back to NY. Even after all of his apologizing and what not I still left. But even then he would still call and we would talk and he would convince me that we could work things out. He moves back to NY only to prove to me that he still really has no interest or concern about the baby or me. He still finds time to do all this flirting on myspace and bullsh!ting around but for so long hasn't really asked to accompany me to the doctors office or asked about the welfare of his unborn baby. He doesn't even ask if I'm ok. No check ins to see how the baby and I are doing. Nothing. When I say nothing. . . . I MEAN NOTHING. He spends all of his time in every other girls face but for the longest I've been feeling like the baby and I are being neglected. I wonder, is this going to change when the baby is born or will he be like how he is now. . . .ABSENT!

Answer 1

I am so sorry to tell you this but he sounds like his priorities are waaaaay off.  You are much better off just to move on and be done with him.  Make peace with him as best you can for the baby's sake and try to eventually be cordial.  But there are worse things than being a single parent....and that's being with the other parent but stuck in a miserable relationship.  Good luck and congratulations on the baby.

Answer 2

What on earth would lead to you be believe he'll change?  It is not logical to expect a leopard to change it's spots and it isn't logical to even begin to think your guy will change.  

Answer 3

Was he a nice man before you got pregnant? All of this could be his way of dealing or not dealing with the humongous life change of having a baby. He may be scared or maybe it has not hit him yet that he will soon be a father. Or he may just continue to be absent upon your child's arrival at which point you should head to the courts and make sure you get help from him. All you can do is wait and see if things change once being a father becomes a reality.

Answer 4

run away from this nightmare while you have the chance. file for child support then stay away from him even if he won't pay because eventually they'll garnish his wages... if he even works. stay safe and don't get in his face about anything, get a restraining order if need be. your child needs you more than you need the father. and to answer your question YES! he will be a deadbeat dad.

Answer 5

nip that in the bud and kick him to the curb before it gets too late ;;

and he spitt in your face? girl I dont know how you got back with him!

Answer 6

My advice is to learn from this, and no more making babies when not married.  Do take him to court for child support.  He will always be like this.  Real men marry their women before making babies with them...just like real women marry their men before making babies with them.  So, time for you to become a real woman, take care of yourself and baby, and don't make any more when you aren't married.

Answer 7

Don't count on him for anything. He is telling you this the only way he knows how. You need people around you who love you, family and friends.  

Answer 8

Why are you even hanging around to find out if he is going to be there for you and the  baby or not?  Listen when someone tries to tell you something in this case actions speak louder than words.

Am betting you and the baby need help financially and in all other ways.

There are many places you can get help in NY. Call your local welfare office and find out what your options are.

You can sit there and compound this or you can get out now and cut your losses.  I would cut my losses.

Don't discuss it anymore with him. Just get your self together and leave.  Why do you need him when you are already alone?

Answer 9

wat a lousy excuse for a man,if hes young the only thing i would suggest is maybe hes scared 2 and this is how he portrays his feelings,its no excuse tho but maybe its worth asking him if this is the case.the flirting is not acceptable and i would be saying shape up or ship out about that1!maybe he myt change once the babys here as it will be more or a reality 2 him but i wouldnt hold my breathe

Answer 10

he just needs to get it out of his system, i bet youre not putting out anymore now that your pregnant so he needs some action. you are being selfish. let him go out with other girls for a while jeez.  if youre lucky when you have the baby if you be good to him he will be a good father.  i think you need to lighten up and chill a little.  maybe if you went clubbing with him your knickers wouldnt be in such a bunch?