Is he only after "one thing"?

Question

So I've been talking to this Armenian guy for about a month & a half now. I'm 20 & he's 24, I like him but he has really been pursuing me. We had a conversation today & he told me all he'd been doing was sleeping & I made a small comment "Sleeping is good" & than he said "Yes, it's even better if it's with somebody" & then I said "Let's change the subject". o_0

Long story short, we're going out on Friday & we haven't brought the subject of s*x up but I want to wait until I'm married to have s*x & I've already made a commitment to myself. I don't want to be seen as a conquest thought for him & in a way I wonder if he is just out for s*x or he sees me as "freaky deaky" because I'm black? What do you think?

Answer 1

Keep your commitment and just have fun Friday. If the subject comes up again let him know2 how you feel about premarital s*x and see how he reacts, if he doesn't want to see you again oh well it's HIS loss.

You go gurl!

Answer 2

tell him to stop being so disrespectful and that you are saving yourself until marriage... then you'll know if he's only after one thing

Answer 3

It is normal to be sexually attracted to a possible future mate, so don't fret about that.

The true test of his character is when you let him know that you are saving yourself for marriage.

It will come up and if he rejects you then or soon after, you will know that he only wanted s*x.

If he accepts your decision to wait, he is a keeper.

Answer 4

i think you should wait till you're ready, but not married! what if he really sucks in the sack. granted that will be all you know,and you'll be stuck with him forever but just think of what you could be missing.  

Answer 5

I think that you should explain to him that you're not like what he sees on the TV screen...not all black women want to be bent over and all of that...my sister had the same problem years ago...Like I told her, if he can't respect  your stances about s*x, he'll never respect anything else

Answer 6

First, Let's be honest with yourself and use the internal gift God has given to you; your intuition. For you to ask the question, "Is he only after one thing" and to be able to identify inappropriate and aggressive speech, let's me know; you are very in tune with what you are feeling.

Now!!! Reguardless, If he is out for one thing or he is seeking a healthy relationship with you, you are in control of your body. My hat is off to you for your commitment to yourself and I wished more women respected themselves in this specific area. My advice to you if you allow me, reading this... let's me know you deserve the best and should never feel the need to settle. In the beginning, look at what he's brining to the table; being his character. Listen to what he is saying and the content of his expression. He should be speaking for his emotions and not out of them. Check his intergity this will take time to see his words line up with his actions and if he truly respects you for the blessings you are...he would be uncomfortable using suggestive undertones in his conversations because he is fearful of offending and disrespecting you. Why would s*x be a topic in the beginning stages of a relationship? That's a topic shared when both of you feel you are ready to take on the resposibilites and risk of being sexual. I say go out with him. Use this date as a measuring stick to measure other dates to come and if you get uncomfortable you will respectfully check his verbage and behavior. Thanks for reading and I enjoyed responding...Cooper and Yes I am a MALE.  

Answer 7

if he makes a move calmly explain to him what you views are. and if he still tries book it out of there.

Answer 8

"sees me as "freaky deaky" because I'm black"?

First off don't think like that...

Once you take control over this

lack of self esteem you have,

you won't need to

ask questions like

this any more.

Answer 9

You have control of what happens to you. No matter what he thinks of you or wants from you the decision is yours. Guys do say such things, it could mean anything. I would not read too such into it and just go out and have fun. If the topic of s.ex comes up,inform him of your plans.

He would probably say the same thing to a white girl.  I doubt what he said had to do with you being black but more likely about him being a man.

Just let it flow. Reading too much into things is different from being cautious. You might end this relationship before it even starts because you are looking for faults.

Not all white guys want black girl just for s.ex. There normal respectable white men out there. And this guy might be one of them.

Answer 10

honey.

where did you meet him??

if it was online, DON'T meet him, he will probably be out for a one-night stand.

if you already know him, just give him a chance.

and guys tend to be pervy, so i wouldnt really mind, but he keeps persisting stop seeing him

Answer 11

Most men are after only one thing.  Your mind is already made up.  So go out with him, but be prepared to say "no" loud and clear.

Answer 12

Is he only looking for s*x ? Wow what were you just born yesterday, thats too good. God forbid a guy wants to show you a good time { You say : oh no, id rather stay at home and read my bible stories than live in a such a deviant way, (looks back) hey it's time for ellen .

Answer 13

before you two go out, let him know that you are not going to have s*x with him and tell him why, see how he acts, then you will know

Answer 14

All men are on a quest for s*x.  If you keep dating him his true colors will start to show.  Only time will tell what he really wants from you.  If you told him you wanted to wait for marriage and he starts to back off, then you have your answer.  Or if after you told him you wanted to wait and he keeps "trying' to pursue s*x then you have your answer.  The only way to tell is to see how he acts once you tell him your motives.  

No one waits for marriage anymore it's 2008!

Answer 15

If you tell him first that you dont want to have s*x until you are married you will find out if hes genuine or if hes after one thing.

    

Answer 16

I think you will find out after the date....

If he brings s*x up then tell him about your commitment...

His reaction will give you the answer you need.

Answer 17

I think you are right to be somewhat cautious, but you might be over-thinking this a little bit, considering you haven't met him yet.

If this guy were only after "one" thing, he would not have put in a month + worth of communication.  Especially if he has not really brought up s*x before now.  You sound like you two have established a good connection and some common interests.  Work on that.

At some point in the very near future, I would bring up your decision to abstain until married, and I would do so very casually.  "I want to be up front with you.  I don't believe in having s*x before marriage, and it's not a subject that is up for debate with me.  I hope that's not going to be an issue with you, because I enjoy your company."  

That sort of statement makes it clear where you stand and it leaves the ball in his court whether or not he will respect your decision.  And he might very well be respectful of your beliefs, expecially if he's somewhat traditional in his.  If he isn't okay with it, he will either quit seeing you, not communicate, fail to return calls or emails, essentially "disappear" or he will apply some pressure to change your mind.  A word of caution - If he says he's okay with this, but down the road tries to be persuasive, you should shut him down quickly the first time, and kick him to the curb the second time.  

Good luck, and kudos for your convictions!

Answer 18

he doesnt wanna do u just cuz ur black. hes a guy.

Answer 19

Well hes 20 so I would expect him to say that but gert another guy he sucks!

Answer 20

Just let him know of your values and beliefs now. Then you can be sure that you are not leading him on or anything. If he doesn't agree with you or tries to pressure you, he is not worth it.

Answer 21

well it doesn't seem like you lik him THAT much and if he wants to get it on and you don't want to don't give in because it will be pointless; if he get's upset cause you don't want to its NOT WORTH IT.

and if he doesn't like you cuz your black its NOT NOT NOT WORTH IT!!!!

Answer 22

YAAAAAAAAAAA he'll make the moves on you.  If you read what you wrote here, very closely, he brings up his intentions in a s*x comment way. Although you said "Change the suject" you accepted the date.  Women think No means no, Men think no from a woman is the beginning of neogiations.  Respectful men wouldn't go there with s**y talk like that and these s**y talk men let it all hang out so to speak.

Answer 23

If he is a nice enough guy he will respect your views and what you want.

Answer 24

When you go on your date with him Friday. Tell him about how you want to wait for marriage.

Answer 25

not too sure what that other guy just said.... but i have a friend that is waiting until she is married as well... and she just puts it out there... she just tells the guy that she just wants it to be known that she wants to wait until she is married to have s*x and the way she looks at it is that if they like her for who she is then they will stay if that is all they want then she doesnt need them any ways. Just tell him that its not being directed towards him or anything but its just something he should know. I don't think it matters because you are black at all... Suprisingly though some guys are ok with just sleeping together as in really sleeping ... just the idea of you and him laying there together... thats how my husband was.. he was ok if we didn't have s*x. you may get people saying hes just doing it to make you happy but he will get the s*x somewheres else... thats not true... if he truly cares for you he will stay around... so the only way to truely tell what he wants is to tell him I would actually do it before the date to give you an idea of what he wants that way if you end up laying down with him you can be comfortable with him and not thinking OMG what if he tries something.... good luck sweetie!

Answer 26

Firstly I applaud your choice to be a virgin.

That said... you obviously do not know men AT ALL!

ALLLLLLLL MEN WANT s*x ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They have studies that say men think about s*x every few minutes... when a man sees a woman the first thought (even though it's really a brief thought) is if she is a doer... in other words is she hot enough to sleep with...

Men are even annoyed at all of this. Men spend a good portion of their life trying to manage this very fact.

Having the urge is not that same as acting on the urge, however... and this is what differentiates a good man from a player.

If you can understand and come to terms with the fact that men always want s*x... you can understand how to deal with it in a tactful way. Most men are good at heart and don't want to just sleep around... but they could have s*x 2-3 times a day, especially when young. Not all, but the ones that don't want it that much end up not wanting it enough to please their woman later on in their 30's and 40's... so it's a trade off.

When you meet a guy, laugh and say that you know guys are always ready for s*x...  and if you were married you would definately be game for a lot of fun s*x... but you want to wait.

This says you aren't judging... you are sensitive to his plight and that you are actually very sexual... but in a monogamous way.

Guys will run from women who aren't sexual... so you have to juggle the idea that s*x is great and you can't wait to do it all the time... with waiting until you are married.

I was a swinger for a while and the saddest part was all these people out there trying to have good s*x because their partner was either lame in bed or didn't want it much... so don't be that girl either.

In case you are assuming it was the men that were unsatisfied... guess again. I had more s*x with women who wanted more and wilder s*x than their man.

For the record... swinging is a bad idea. I wish I had never done it.

Answer 27

Just because a person wants something doesn't mean they get it, IF you are wise.  I see no reason to bring it up until he does.  You don't need to walk around with a banner reading, "I"M A VIRGIN AND WILL STAY THAT WAY TILL I'M MARRIED!"  

Just take ordinary precautions:

1. Drive to the date yourself and park in a well lit area.  

2. Turn down an offer to be escorted to your car by the man.  Tell him you're independent or avoid the issue all together by using valet service.

3. Stick to public venues until you know the man well enough to be alone with him.

4. Tell someone where you are going and with whom.  Full name, description. Always do that.

5. Let him know people are expecting to hear from you after the date.  Carry your cell phone.  Make sure it is charged.  Have a friend phone you an hour or so into the date.  Tell him you have to take the call.  It's from your over protective big brother!  Be brief and say you're fine and yes, he is treating you like a lady, etc.  then hang up and smile.

6. TRUST YOUR GUT! If you think he's the type that won't take no for an answer or he creeps you out in any way GET AWAY from him.

Interacial dating always comes with the question of whether or not the other person may just be curious about your race.  They might be.  It it most likely that you'll never know.  So it is important to stick to your convictions no matter who you're dating.

Good luck.  Have fun.

Answer 28

its hard to tell just from that

but just be cautious

and if he makes a move just tell him whats up

Answer 29

He could have just said it jokingly but most guys want s*x. However if he likes you enough to care he will respect your commitment to yourself.

Answer 30

stick to ya guns

Answer 31

If he said it, he has thought about it, be careful! Date rape happens!