Is he really going to engage? and how do you pick the ring?

Question

Alright, so my boyfriend and I have talked about marriage seriously and decided we are going to wait until after I finish my graduate schooling. We are currently living together and I probably won't go to grad school for another year and a half and will be gone probably two years. I've been joking with him lately about an engagement ring, but told him I want to be engaged before I go to grad school. I kept bringing up engagement (probably 3 or 4 times in a week), mostly jokingly harassing him, and he said that I need to calm down because he has something planned and I have no clue. Should I believe him that he really has something planned or is this just a guy's way of getting me to shut up about it? He has told me many times that he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, so I don't think he's trying to get out of it but I'm not sure. Should I just let it go since really there IS no rush?

Also: How do you go about letting the guy know what kinda ring to get you? I've never been engaged before, so I'm not sure how it works. Do we go look at rings together and then he picks later? I don't want him to choose something that I don't like, but I also don't want to be pushing the engagement thing on him right now if he wants me to back off. How do I let him know what I want without being too pushy?

Answer 1

Sure you want it before you go to grad school? It seems like it may be a good idea to wait if you're going to be gone. You never know what can happen and grad school is really a time to grow and become more of yourself...

Anywho, I picked my ring out. I wanted to have something that I really loved. I mean, you're going to wear it the rest of your life (hopefully) so I would at least give him some clues.  

Answer 2

I bugged and bugged my boyfriend for months about getting me a ring.  I eventually got less obsessed about it, and didn't have it weighing on my mind every second of every day like I did for a while.  Trust me, the obsession goes away after a while.  Still, I'm very anxious and every once in a while will say something, joke about rings, mention that he needs to save his money for buying me one instead of buying a motorcycle, etc, etc.  But, if he says he's got something planned, just let it be.  You can drop a joke every now and then, just to let him know you're excited, but don't pressure him if he's working on something special.

As far as the ring goes, it depends.  Do you think he will pick something you really like?  Does he have poor taste in jewelery?  My boyfriend and I went to a jeweler once, mostly because I didn't know what I wanted yet either.  We decided on a solitaire princess cut somewhere around the .75 carat range, with some sort of wrap-around wedding band.  And then, 6 months later, when he said "I'm worried I'll get something you don't like, because I want to get you a princess cut, and you want a round cut".  Obviously he wasn't paying much attention the first time around...... They will be boys.  Anyways, if you want to take him to go look, you can both get on the same page, and he can still surprise you later.  It doesn't ruin it, and it's kind of fun going and looking together.  Of course, we spent about 15 minutes in the store, but if you ask my boyfriend, he'll say we were there for HOURS!  Oh well.

Answer 3

It sounds like to me he is planning something.  I would however lay off the "harassing" him that usually just upsets them and makes them want to do it less.  As far as picking out the ring, he may be clueless and really want to ask for help.  What I'd do, is take him shopping at a mall (for clothes or whatever) and just happen to stop by a jewelry store because they are having a sale or something and just casually point at some things you like.  

Answer 4

I took the same route you did and pestered and mentioned for two months that I wanted a ring for Christmas.  We looked at rings together because he admitted he was clueless.  I got the ring for Christmas but he has since told me that he felt pressured to give me a ring "right then or never" and would have preferred to wait when he felt more comfortable.  

My suggestion is to wait and see what he has planned.  Remember, this is a big event for him to.  

BTW If the ring is given in love and he knows you, chances are you won't hate the ring.

Good luck

Answer 5

i went to bluenile.com and printed out the BIG list of rings...it was about 20 pages long, had pictures, prices, and shapes of diamond it supported. i X'ed out the ones i didn't like, starred the ones i did, and double/triple starred the ones i really liked. i gave it to him and said, no pressure, but just so you have a few ideas on what i like.  

Answer 6

It sounds to me like you need to back off, regardless.  It does sound like he's serious about it, but if he's anything like my husband, he REALLY wants it be a surprise, and with you bringing it up every other day, it won't be a surprise.  Here's the trick: pretend like you don't think about it, and that you'll wait till he's ready.  Don't initiate conversation.  

As for the type of ring, is there a friend of yours he knows well enough to ask for advice?  My friends and I made sure that we knew what ring we wanted, and ring size, so that he could find out without being direct.  Of course, it didn't really work that way, but it gave them an option.  My husband and I went ring shopping once, just to try some on and get an idea (and get the ring size).  After that, I refined my selection online by using bluenile.com.  If you're already talking about it, he won't be surprised to see you browsing, or if you shoot an email his way.  But same thing goes... don't go overboard with it.  Let it be known, then back off.  

Good luck, and be patient!!

Answer 7

As you two have already talked about marriage, engagement, etc. I would just tell him what you like, and he can take it from there. Different people do it different ways...me and my fiance picked mine out together. It was a big investment, so why not make it together? And I would lay off, 4 times in one week is a bit much. If he does have something planned you are probably making him upset and he is putting it off...and if he doesn't have something planned...trust me, after mentioning it once he knows you want to get engaged.  

Answer 8

maybe

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Answer 9

Definitely lay off. I picked out my own ring because I absolutely hate diamonds and the entire diamond industry. I wanted to make sure my man knew not to get me one of those. He let me go to different stores, and I narrowed it down to a couple while he was eating lunch.

There was one I wasn't sure of, but kept going back to. When I tried it on for him, he said, "That's definitely the one!" He was so excited. I knew it was right, but it is square, and I had always thought I would get a round ring. But round rings look pretty terrible on my hand, so we went with a square amethyst. I love it, and so does he. Of course, he had to "borrow" it back for the actual proposal, but it was still a happy, teary moment for both of us.