Is homeschooling really a badge of honor?

Question

I have meet numerous homeschooling moms who act like they care more for thier kids than non-homeschooling parents. They act like all "other" schooling (be it private or public) is the parent taking the easy way out and that homeschooling is just, well, better. Not all "other" schools are dangerous and chaotic and they would make you believe. Just becasue I do not homeschool my kids doens't mean I don't care about thier safety and education. I simply adore my children and would probably casue bodily harm to anybody who hurt them. I know homeschooling can be difficult, but that is a challenge they choose to take on, not something that the rest of us are "opting out" of. It is unfair to assume that non-homeschooling parents have lower standards for thier kids.

I am not trying to be mean, I just want to know if anybody else has run into this AND to better understand homeschoolers.

Answer 1

Well, I don't feel that way, and I homeschool, but I know from where the temptation comes.

Our society is so set up to place value and worth based on how much you produce AND purchase, rather than who you truly Are. And those who choose to stay home, moms who give up careers, personal time, energy etc are looked down upon because they aren't 'bettering' society. They don't necessarily have the throw away cash that working parents may have, they don't spend it on the necessities of schooling, new clothes, new supplies, etc. Those who, in addition, opt out of those socially acceptable methods of being involved in the society by not sending their kids to school, often face additional criticism. As a defense, some parents may begin to assert that they are better than parents who make other choices.

I think every family has to do what works for them.

Answer 2

I have never felt that parents who send their children to school do not care about their children as much as I care about mine.  I am well aware that homeschooling is not for everyone.

There is one thing you said I sort of disagree with... you said homeschooling is not something that non-homeschoolers are "opting out" of.  While in one sense that is sort of a true statement, in another sense it is not.  Homeschooling was the original form of education... institutional schools were invented after.  This is not to say that schools are bad, but I just like to make the point that we all make our choices in regards to our children's education.  Sending them to school should not be seen as the "default" decision anymore than homeschooling should.  Both are CHOICES.  You make the choice you believe to be best for your children and your family, I make the choice I believe to be best.  Neither of us should be seen as "opting out" and neither of us should be just keeping the status quo. We both made (or should have made) well thought out, proactive choices for children.

Answer 3

It is hard to address this question without knowing in what context you met these people and what was being discussed.  What were they saying, doing, and what were you doing?  

We homeschool, but my other child went to public school as well.  There were homeschooled children in her band, AP classes, etc.  I never got that impression from them.

I think if homeschool parents are placed (or I am placed ) in a position where someone seems to want me to defend the entire idea of homeschooling, I will do so with gusto.  And like it or not, I will match their attitude in tone.  Example, if someone merely asks questions about our choice, in an effort to understand, I am happy to reply in kind.  If they presume to approach me with an unsolicited opinion about homeschoolers and spout off all their preconceived notions and assumptions--I will very vigorously respond to that in kind as well.

Long story short......we parents have the responsibility and right to make the best decisions we can on behalf of our child.  If someone else chooses some other path....fine.  Homeschooling is NOT for everyone and NOT for every time in a family's life.  I can't say that our family situation will not ever change such that we have to consider another option.  So in this age of political correctness and lack of social restraint in keeping our thoughts to ourselves unless asked for them--maybe we all need to be more cautious (homeschoolers and non-homeschoolers alike) to respect one another and support one another's choices.  

IMHO

Answer 4

Why do shoolie parents act like my choice to home educate is a personal judgement against them? Just answer the "which school" question and you can see the look of shock and then they turn defensive.

Do I think home education is better than school? Of course I do otherwise I wouldn't be doing it! I don't think other parents are sending their kids to school because they don't care, they just don't share my opinion of the school system. They almost certainly don't share my opinions about a lot of things. I don't have a problem with that, why do they?

Answer 5

Good question.  I have a tendency to come across that way, of homeschooling being a 'badge of honor' but it is the same pride that many people have with their individual public school , or home state, or home town.

I felt the way you feel several years ago when I went to a church where the majority homeschooled and our son went to public school.   In my case I eventually realized that no one was trying to make us feel that our school choice was inferior or that we were 'bad parents'.     Homeschooling was their choice but they were not trying to force their choice upon our family.

After I quit feeling defensive, I honestly evaluated our choices and came to realize that homeschooling was the best choice for our family.  It took 5 years after my 'conviction' for my husband to understand and make the decision to homeschool.

I love the freedom we have with directing our son's education.  I guess I do have a tendency to get  on my soap box  in talking about something that works for us and something we love doing.

Forgive me. (smile)

Answer 6

I was homeschooled most of my life and my husband was all of his life. I felt that if I didn't homeschool I wasn't giving my kids the best that they deserved. But I have 5 kids 8 and under and the two oldest are now in school. I think that was the best thing for my sanity and for my kids. I only homeschooled for a year and there are some advantages to both. I think you need to decide what's best for your family and not care about what others think. I went through a little bit of disapproval from people. But I know that my kids are getting the best education from where they're at right now. They absolutley love it. Hope that helps!!

Answer 7

Of course homeschooling is not for everyone.  There are some parents who believe that homeschooling is inherently superior, but of course if you're a single mother who works full time, you're probably not going to be able to give your kids a superior education at home.  However, homeschooling is a big job, so I can understand how some parents could be snotty about it -- my mom was never snotty about it, but she did talk about the gratification she felt from being able to see our eyes light up as my brother and I understood a new concept for the first time.  I guess it's the same way you would feel when you achieve any big success -- accomplished.  Still, that's no reason to think you're any better than parents who send their kids to public or private school.

I think my pastor summed it up pretty well.  She was talking to our family because she was considering homeschooling her youngest son, who is a bit of a slow learner.

"Public school worked well for the older kids," she said, "but he's having some difficulty there.  I figure, God gave me these kids, and it's my responsibility to raise them, not the school's responsibility.  If public school works for my older kids, that's great, but if it's not the right place for my son, then it's my responsiblity to teach him myself."

Answer 8

Sometimes, a homeschool parent will act this way without thinking as a means of defending their choice. You have no idea how often homeschool parents (and kids) are attacked because they're "ruining their kid's life" and "stunting their social development." Any human being knows how frustrating it can be when you're faced with comments and attacks that aren't in the least bit true (and there are studies, statistics, and yours and your child's personal anicdotes to show it) but no ounce of logic can get through to anyone it seems. I'm not saying it's right for anyone to put someone down for their choice to educate their child in the best way possible (whether that be home, public, or private schooling. EVERY child is different and so the best education possible may not always come from the same place) but it isn't just the homeschool parents that do it.

I personally only experienced one person in my lifetime who was like this. She was actually a student, not a parent, and she often made comments about how stupid public school teachers are, or once when I said I was using the TV station the public school system here sponsors to record a video to use for school (I'm a student as well and am often responsible for finding my own resources and thoroughly planning out projects and the like) she said in a snotty tone "Like that's going to be accurate... Better make sure" Her mother is nothing like this though and often can be heard reminding her to come down off the high horse before she falls and hits her head.

I do believe that I am recieving a superior educaion as a homeschooler, but I make a point not to rub it in peoples faces. It only comes up if someone asks me about my education and why I homeschool and if I "realize what I'm missing out on." That's when I tell them about the educational opportunities I have that I wouldn't/didn't have in PS, and the social outlets that I now have time for. If it comes across as show-offish, I certianly never intended it to. But they did ask.

Answer 9

Well, you asked "Is homeschooling a badge of Honor"

Unless you have ever done it, you can't know how very very hard it can be at times. (most of the time for some moms.)  So yeah, any mom who makes the sacrifice to teach her kid or kids at home is pretty much a champ.  

As to whether or not they love their kids more, no.  And if you get that attitude from the home school moms you know, then on the behalf of the rest of us, I apologize.  

    (in all truth, they might just be proud of their accomplishments and feel overly defensive.  You wouldn't believe some of the rude and hateful comments I've gotten just because I Said I homeschool. People think that just because you see a way to help you kids with their particular needs that you are some kind of freak and are trying to ruin any chance your children have at a normal life.)

  I also believe that it is not really non-homeschoolers having a lower standard, but that of homeschoolers having a higher one, if that makes any sense. They put so much effort into their children's education, that they naturally expect more from their kids performance

Answer 10

I don't feel that way at all.  I know some probably do, and there's really nothing I can do to change their perception, but I don't feel it's a status symbol or badge of honor - it's just the right choice for my child.

Not every child is wired for homeschooling, and it's not beneficial for every child.  Some kids truly thrive in the structure and competition of a classroom, and as long as your school district has teachers who actually have the freedom to teach (getting more and more rare these days), I think they can get an incredible education in school.

The only people I would consider to have "opted out" of parenting or overseeing their childrens' educations would be those who see it as their right to completely turn their children over to the school system as of age 5-6 -- those who don't even know their children's teacher's name, who never show up to anything, don't help their kids with homework or accountability, and then blame it on the teacher when their child fails.

For involved parents though, the commitment is high on either end - sending your kids to school or homeschooling.  We all have the responsibility to do what is best for our kids, and the freedom to choose the best individual options for them.  For mine, it's homeschooling; for yours, it's school.  

I think parenting, in and of itself, is a badge of honor...but I don't think that homeschooling is.  It's just part of my job of parenting my individual child - it's what he needs.

Good question - and I hope this helps!

Answer 11

I don't feel that way.  I do what I do because I enjoy doing it.  Period.  Sometimes moms who send their kids to school (public or private) get defensive when I say I homeschool, and say things like I have to work, I could never be with my kids all day, I want them to get a good education, I don't know how to teach, etc.  And I never have insinuated that they are bad parents.

OTOH, when a parent is moaning and groaning about how awful the system is, yada yada, and how they have to put up with the system's cr**, well, there are alternatives if you really don't like it.

We all make choices in our lives, for good or bad.  It isn't black and white, we all can change our minds and do something else later if we want.

Answer 12

Well, I certainly don't feel this way.  I strongly support each family's decision about the education that is best for their children.  It is simply not my place to tell anyone how to educate their kids.

Having said that, this "I care more for my kids" attitude that you may be seeing from homeschool mom's could come from one of two things - the constant attack from total strangers on our families, (how many times do do deal with people's horror at your choices?) and/or guilt on your part.