Is husband right to lie about smoking?

Question

Went to hubby's work yesterday to surprise him. He was smoking. We quit together 5 years ago, I thought.

He has made me believe this time he wasn't smoking.

Would come home from work smelling of smoke, I'd ask about it he'd say it was from his work mates smoking, or that his salami gave him back breath or he would cover with strong mint gum.

He lied to me nearly everyday for 5 years. We have only married this year.

We quit cause he wants kids. I don't. I have stopped drinking to try and conceive, but he wasn't going to tell me he was still smoking. He has been smoking only at work about 4 or 5 smokes a day.

He says he will quit for kids, and has asked me to help him quit. He says he tried many times over the last 4 years, but now that I know he says I can help and that he is relieved. I feel he is only relieved cause he can feel less quilty.

Does he really want to quit?, I have told him he hurt me by lying not by smoking. I told him he can continue smoking if he doesn't hide it.

Does he really want to quit and does he only want suck up to me for kids?

I have booked him into hypno therapy and he says he will go tomorrow?

Am I right to be angry?, I thought by getting married we were agreeing to confine in each other no matter how bad, it makes me wonder what else he is capable of hiding? He won't talk to his father because his dad had an affair and has not been honest with his mum, but to me this is weird lying over such a small thing while judging his dad for being dishonest.

Answer 1

No ,you shouldn't be angry. I don't think he felt good about lying to you. Take it easy on him, If he wants to quit then buy him some patches from the pharmacy and every time he lights up he will feel sick to his stomach, I know cause I tryed smoking waring the patch and it didn't take long for me to quit it made me feel sick and light headed and I coughed and gaged it will take about a week for the patch to really kick in.

Answer 2

No he is not right to lie about smoking and u are also right to wonder what other things that he may be lieing about or not telling you.You guys should really sit and have a one to one chat and let it out in the open the thing that's on your minds because u said that u do not want children yet was willing to compromise to make him happy.Giving up smoking is a good thing.It is bad for your health.He has to be willing to do it for himself,for you and for his future children if you decide to have them.Good luck

Answer 3

Lying about it wasn't right. Its not the smoking problem, its more about the lying problem you should be angry with him about.

People enjoy smoking, regardless of what the health risks may be.

He needs to make those choices for himself.

No one can be forced into doing anything they really have no desire to do.

Putting him into therapy might not work either, and he'll continue to lie until he's ready to call it quits on his own terms.

I think you should be irritated at him for lying, but thats about it.

Make him sleep on the couch until he quits!

Answer 4

He probably felt he had to lie to you, because he knew you would fly off the handle. Boy was he right.

How can you compare smoking with possibly having an affair?

Because he "lied" about smoking? So that means he could be lying about an affair too? You're the one I think needs counseling, not him.

So he broke down and started smoking again. You were able to quit, he wasn't. How perfect you must feel.

He isn't having an affair. He's having a cigarette. Big difference between the 2. If you weren't so emotional, maybe he wouldn't have to lie to you. What's next, he's a mass murderer?

Just calm down, and maybe he wouldn't be afraid to talk to you. I hope your kids won't grow up to be as afraid. You never know what they'll keep from you.  

Answer 5

I understand but i feel its not about the smoking at all, its the fact that he lied. d**n he lied for a long time too. I would be pissed offf, like what else could you have lied to me about.

And knowing that you were supposed to be quitting together, yes i think you have the right to be pissed.

Answer 6

Relax. Lieing about smoking is quite different than lieing about an affair. One is an addiction, the other is an idiot. Probably he smokes due to stress and really cannot see the problem with "quitting tomorrow". Take him to a doctor not a hypnotherapist. There is a new drug called CHANTIX that apparently works well.

Answer 7

You're getting him help ... get over the lies ... it's an addiction .. you were able to quit , he wasn't ... it could easily have gone the other way ... support him trying to quit . And having kids doesn't matter unless you smoke when you're pregnant .. he hid it from you , he can hide it from kids .

Answer 8

Go buy a bottle of JD and get your tubes tied....

Answer 9

No, he's not right to lie about it but lying about smoking and lying about other things are two totally different things...I've lied about smoking to my SO in the past (I quit 5-6 years ago) but don't make it a habit to lie about other things, bigger things. If this is the worst problem you have in your marriage I wouldn't sweat it too much, it's hard to quit...buy him the patch, that's how I quit.

Answer 10

Nicotine addiction is the hardest addiction to break - even worse than heroin.

Your husband has to WANT to quit for himself.  Not you.  Not kids.. not his mother or anyone else.   Just himself.  His health, his life, his habit...

Perhaps he didn't tell you because he didn't want to hear about the fact that he started again.  

I think that, instead of shaming him for smoking and being all nuts about it, just urge him to quit when he's ready.  although it's not healthy, there are worse things than smoking.