Is ignorance bliss OR does the truth set you free?

Question

Is it better to leave the past alone, live in the present and not question why or how you were adopted, feelings etc...Or does finding answers, learning about the past, even if it is an ugly past liberate you and make you a more complete person.

There seems to be two ways of thinking about this in regards to adoption. I see both views expressed a lot here. I'm interested in what everyone thinks.

Answer 1

I think finding answers would help make people feel more "complete."

Answer 2

truth. always always the truth. even if it hurts.  

Answer 3

I hope my daughter, whom we adopted at birth, will ask as many questions as she feels she needs to and we will do all we can to provide those answers.  If she needs to meet her birhtparents, we will do all we can to find them (of course, they must agree too).  She has been told from the day we brought her home that she is adopted and though she it too young to understand, it truly helps us knowing that she will always know the truth and that we all love her unconditionally.

Answer 4

Truth, education and understanding.

Absolutely the way to go.

Far healthier for one's body, mind and soul!!

Answer 5

lies are never best.  no matter how painful they are.

Answer 6

I'll let you know when you turn 18.  Maybe enough time will pass that you won't want to know about that part of your life and be happy and appreciative for "my love?".

Of course the truth from day one but in many cases whats that...what an agency or social worker feeds people.  

Answer 7

I believe that an ugly truth is better than a pretty lie.

Answer 8

ii was led to belive my elder sister was my sister. turns out she was my mother. my grandparents hid this from me.always tell the child where they come from.they will love you more for this than hideing the truth

Answer 9

Searching for my past and finding my daughter did liberate me, no more lies and secrets.

My daughter knows where she got her skinny legs from (not me), and why her son is 6'3". She knows we are close by and we will never leave her again.  

Answer 10

" finding answers, learning about the past, even if it is an ugly past liberate you and make you a more complete person."

YES YES YES YES YES

Answer 11

There is only one thing NO ONE can steal from you : Your word

Answer 12

Adopted or not, it is human nature to explore our feelings about the past and to engage in a thoughtful examination of our lives.

That is what all great art, music, and literature is about!  

Inner reflection helps us grow and improve, and it runs on a continuum from the very beginning to the very end of life.

Answer 13

I can't answer for myself...but when my son is older and wants to find his family, then I / we will help.  I believe people should know where they come from / what it is that their lives turned out this way...but only if they are willing and wanting to know.

My son knows his parents and will always remember them...will he want to find them again once he is older - right now, I believe he will!

Answer 14

I definitely needed to find out what the situation was behind my adoption. I was adopted at birth, and just like I always knew I was a girl, I always knew I was adopted. My adoptive parents were very honest and open with me and helped me find my birth parents when I was a teenager.

I don't necessarily have any relationship now with my birth parents, but I do feel a huge relief knowing the answers to all my questions. Even though they're nothing like the fantasy I had in my head, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to know them. I do think it has made me a more positive and understanding person when it comes to the topic of adoption as a whole.

My brother was also adopted at birth. He has never shown any interest in finding his birth parents. I'm not sure what his reasons are, but he's entitled to his own opinion, and my adoptive parents and I respect whatever he decides to do.

Answer 15

I don't think it would be possible to explain this in such a point-blank way.

There's too many aspects to look into, especially being a TRA (TransRacial Adoptee).

Ignorance WAS bliss while it lasted... then once I looked beyond my own ignorance ("My heritage doesn't matter one bit!"), I found that it was far more important to discover my past and learn how to merge my two identities together.

I'm still working on that even now. Change does not come overnight, answers are not given to you on a platter. Sometimes there just aren't any answers - but it may take a while to realize that and accept it.

Answer 16

I found that knowing the truth has been very freeing and empowering.  

My aparents were always honest with me, but I was adopted in the 1960s.  They weren't given a lot of information, so there wasn't much to tell.  

As a side note, some of the information my aparents were given wasn't even true.  Twenty-three years after the fact, a different social worker gave information that was quite opposite of what they had been told by the social worker who handled the adoption.  This new social worker said she had no idea what would have made my aparents think what they thought.  My amother explained that it was what the social worker at the time of the adoption told them.  The fact that they were lied to bothered all of us.  Upon reuniting with my first family, it was clear that the original social worker had lied.  

Answer 17

Oh the TRUTH every time!  good bad or ugly.

Finding the truth of your origins is not necessarily about relationships.  Some have relationships and others are content with simply knowing the truth.

Keeping the truth of a person's own life and existance from them when they request it is just plain wrong.

Some are too afraid to face the truth.  Personally I can't get enough of it - ignorance is not bliss in adoption.

Answer 18

my mom gave my younger sister up for adoption.... her adoptive parents chose not to tell her, and when she was 14 she found out the truth and just went crazy, got into a bunch of trouble, and had to go to a home for troubled teens, I think any child that is adopted should know where they came from, if they have loving adoptive parents who tell them from a young age they are adopted, I believe the child will be a healthier adult.  I had a friend who's parents told her since she could remember the truth, and she wanted nothing to do with her birth parents, she said she had great parents.... but they were open with her and her brother about it, i think that is the best way.....

Answer 19

Neither a sturdy house nor a healthy life can be built on a false or shaky foundation. The past doesn't go away, and has an inconvenient habit of hitting you between the eyes when you are least prepared to deal with it.  I fear that those who are so quick to remind others to move on, get a grip and get over things are really saying a lot more about their own inability to handle their past than those they are nudging.  Any grief therapist will tell you that you have to feel it to heal it.  And, ask any Viet Nam Vet who is dealing with PTSD how effective stuffing grief is.  It just doesn't work!  Feelings just refuse to stay stuffed.

Sandy Young

SMAAC