Is intercountry adoption good or bad?

Question

is it better for the child to stay in a situation with the biological parent that makes it impossible for the child to live, or to be adopted by a family where it actually has a chance to survive?

Answer 1

Why not help out the mother with her children? please, someone explain to me why, because a mother is poor and living in poverty do Americans feel entitled to adopt their children? Children can be given the opportunity to survive without having to be removed from their family and people and culture and land.

Biological parents in third world countries aren't making it impossible for their children to live. Govt.s, states, war, hygiene, disease, poverty, education or lack of is whats making it challenging to live. Thats not the "parents" fault, and thats also not worthy of taking the chidlren from their parents either ( in my opinion.)

Answer 2

International adoption can be a good thing, if it's done legally, ethically and if the adoptive parents educate themselves on the ethnic and cultural identities of the child and his/her country of origin.

There are a lot of unscrupulous practices out there and it really is the obligation of the adoptive parents to do their research and ensure that the agency they are working with is following legal and ethical practices.

Every child, regardless of national origin, deserves a loving, safe and stable home.

ETA: Gersh: the answer is because money won't solve the problems!  Money doesn't make a region secure.  Money won't stop young boys with big guns from looting wherever they see fit.  In fact, giving a family a large amount of American money, in many regions, is a very nice way to get them robbed and killed!  Money does you no good if there is no food to BUY.  Money can't provide healthcare when there is no medicine to buy!  Money can't give a child an education where there is no school!  

I see where you are going with this, but you're speaking from a perspective of living in an entirely different world than where my children came from.  This is a Western minded simple solution to an extremely complex problem.  Many families relinquish their children for adoption because they understand the value of the safety and opportunities elsewhere.  When we were in Liberia, we were approached by strangers on the street,and knocking on our room doors,  asking us to adopt their children so that they could be safe, healthy and have an American education.  I am not exaggerating!  (And no, we didn't "adopt" these children!  In fact, we told them that approaching Westerners like this probably wasn't the best idea!)

We didn't "take" our children from their family.  The decision to relinquish them came from their family.  They were relinquished whether we adopted them or not.

I can't solve the problems in Liberia, but maybe offering two of Liberia's children the opportunities that we take for granted here, might allow them to solve some of their home country's problems.

Answer 3

Oh my...I have a bio child and an adopted child from a foreign country.  She will have such a better chance with us.  Her mother loved her dearly, enough to give her that chance.  Especially since the infant mortality rate in her country is so high.  I thank God everyday that her mother was brave enough to make a good choice for her.

Answer 4

I was adopted from Pennsylvania and knowing a lot of people from other countries who were adopted I think that as long as your giving your baby love and hug him/her often it dosn't matter. =]

Answer 5

I agree with Jennifer, every child, regardless of their country of origin deserves a loving, stable home.

However, I also think that people looking to adopt abroad have a great responsibility to be as sure as they can that their adoption is ethical.  I see a lot of people who choose a country because there's a short wait time, there are lots of infants available, there's a great nanny ratio, we won't have to worry about the birth parents coming back into the picture.  

I also know a lot of parents who are more interested in things like - is every child's case examined by the government? Why are these children placed into care & how? Can I find the resources to keep my child in touch with their culture?  What is being done to keep these children with their families when possible? We adopted older kids with medical needs because we thought the chances were best that those kids really had no alternative.

As far as giving money to help families stay together, that would be ideal, and it doesn't take too much money to keep some families together.  Then again, there are more problems than money in some countries.  Two of my kids came from a country that has been devastated by AIDs.  There are no aunts or uncles left for them to go to. Their father drank a lot and beat them (according to my kids).  Also, my daughter tells me things about her father and her two teenage sisters that I find worrisome.

With my other son's family, I did send money to his mother. I've been supporting her for years now, just so that she could keep her other children.  I just found out that the three year old died.  The five year old was sold to a farmer because the mom's new husband would not allow a child not of his blood to live with them.  They have a new baby together, but it turns out the new husband is HIV positive, so now Mom & baby sister are getting tested.  I'll sponsor their meds if need be.  But I still feel guilty that when the mom had our contact send me an email begging me to adopt those two older children, I just sent money to keep the family together because that's the right thing to do. It never occurred to me that money wouldn't be enough, and now I can't help those poor boys.

OK, so you asked if it's better for a child to stay in a situation that makes it impossible to live or to be adopted  - I would say that you should make as sure as you can that that's really the case. Don't just accept the agency's word for it that "all these kids need homes". That's  the easy way. Do lots and lots of research yourself. Consider adopting older children (In the adoption world, 'older' means over 24mos!), ones that have been in the orphanage for awhile, or have medical needs. And then do always keep in mind what your child lost in leaving their home country and try to rectify that as best you can.

Answer 6

Babies just need a good home.

Answer 7

I agree with Benton. Whether it's climbing a difficult mountain or diving deep, people love challenges and are testing their potential. If you know what you are getting into and are willing to go the whole distance, nothing will or should be a hindrance. You will only feel joy at the end of it all!

Answer 8

I agree with Jennifer L. **EDIT: Can I hear an Amen!?!)

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I'd like to answer Gershom's question, too.. she says:

"Why not help out the mother with her children?"  I helped my son's natural mother by adopting her child that she made an adoption plan for.  I had not met her but she placed her son for adoption- I answered her "call" for help in that form.    

"...please, someone explain to me why, because a mother is poor and living in poverty do Americans feel entitled to adopt their children?"  I never felt entitled.  I feel honored.  someone wanting a baby is not the only reason for adoptions in third world countries.  Please do more research on how women are treated as lower class citizens among men in those third world countries.  They are often raped and beat and don't want their children growing up in that environment.  Yes, they are also poor and also don't want to see their children end up begging on the streets like so many do in third world countries.  

"Children can be given the opportunity to survive without having to be removed from their family and people and culture and land."  I think the best place for children is with their natural families unless unwanted or the natural families cannot take care of the child.  But, really until the country in question gets its act together and puts children first how much help will the natural mothere actually get?  We all know that even in the wonderful US of A, that foster care is horrible...  think about how a third world country can successfully handle it.  Yikes.  I'd like to add that as far as culture, my son knows many children who were adopted from Guatemala, and we participate in many latin activities.  We're learning Spanish and about the land, so one day we can visit.  

"Biological parents in third world countries aren't making it impossible for their children to live. Govt.s, states, war, hygiene, disease, poverty, education or lack of is whats making it challenging to live. Thats not the "parents" fault, and thats also not worthy of taking the chidlren from their parents either ( in my opinion.)"  I agree with your opinion, but it's the natural parents who are placeing their children up for adoption.  You said it yourself- wars, disease, poverty, education, etc., the mother wants something better for their child.

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MY ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION:  IT IS GOOD WHEN THE NATURAL PARENTS WANT IT.

Answer 9

Not really good or bad, but there are plenty of children in the US that need homes as well. Why not start home?

Answer 10

Sorry Gershom I have to disagree.... it is unfortunate that there world is not a perfect place and there are things such as poverty, illness, and more but people still need to be responsible for their choices. When I was 15 or 16 if I were a child to who got pregnant, I am NOT the victim I am the perpratrator. People need to be resposible for the consequence of their actions. At 20 I could have taken care of myself but certainly could not have provided for a child. No one owes me anything to support me, give me clothes and a roof over my head ad food for my child. The only person who owns anything would have been me to my child and I would have OWED my child a great life with an opportunistic future. Not a life of poverty being subbjected to a single mother with no life skills. Child in that type of situation are proven to be statistically higher to be molested, taken advatage of, and then to repeat the cycle of irrisposibility, teenage pregnancy, and abuse towards others.

I was given up for adoption by a 15 year old girl to a wonderful loving homes with both a mom and dad, and It was the most selfless thing she could have ever done and the best gift she could have ever given me. And my life with two loving parents was alot better than being toted along by a single mother on some goverment program to keep us alive. There is more to life than just survival so I absolutly think a child is a better off with an adopted familiny than with a bio parent who cant care for them.

Im sorry if this sounds harsh but people need to be acountable to their decisions people who are having s*x are running the risk of getting pregnant and if your not prepared for that consequence or blessing then dont do it! You made a choice and need to be resposible to make the best decisions for the new little life invloved.

Answer 11

I think all that's important is that a child is loved and taken care of where ever they grow up.