Question:

Is interracial dating ‘beyond race’ or ‘anti-racist’ dating?

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Most people in interracial relationships fall in the category of seeing themselves as ‘beyond race’. Such people claim not ‘see’ color when they look at people. And remarks that follow - “I don’t even think of you as [White, Black, Mixed, Asian or whatever]

But if you look at it deeply, when someone tells you they don’t see you as being say mixed race, much as it is beautiful, it kinda overlooks a huge facet of what makes you ‘YOU’. You may even begin behaving in a certain manner so that the other person suddenly doesn’t get a glimpse of color in you.

Some people however, much as they say they see ‘beyond race’, they don’t really act it. They may keep making remarks about how lighter women are more beautiful and stuff. Kinda makes one think that their ‘seeing beyond color’ is like a way of being kind enough to overlook some handicap you have or something.

One lady is married to a man who doesn’t see himself as a ‘beyond race’ kind of guy, but as being an anti-racist who finds Black women beautiful and desirable. He doesn’t look past her skin but right at it, and says that it’s gorgeous! Some might mistake his preference for fetish. But she is happy to be with someone who likes her for who she is and doesn’t run away from that fact by branding it ‘beyond race’. She says, “I don’t have to wonder if he’d rather have my personality and interests repackaged in a white girl’s body."

Well, I think I like this ‘anti-racist’ term better. What’s your take on this?

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  1. I've always been attracted to different races of women because of their personality. Have I noticed what race they were- yes, did I care, no. With that in mind I consider myself to be "beyond race" when it comes to love.  


  2. This is definitely a good observation. I think when a person says they are beyond race, it is simply because they are afraid of saying something that may upset their partner. I look down upon these people the same as I look down upon some of the many politicians who hide behind false patriotism. I would even stand to say that this is false anti-racism. I have no problem with interracial couples, but I do have a problem with couples who aren't open with each other, and will hide their reasoning, and even their racism behind their 'color blind eyes'. If I am looking at a Black or Hispanic chick and not seeing any color, than it's because "Deep in the jeans she's wearin' I'm hooked and I cant stop starin'."

  3. I've never heard of either term "Beyond Race" or "Ant-racist?" but i see them as the same thing.

    When you explained your examples of beyond race, i see it a little different. "maybe" the people or person that uses the term may not necessarily "overlook a huge facet or what makes you 'you'" but not allow those characteristics to judge that person. I think it's wonderful when people can look beyond race or be 'anti-racist' and see what's on the inside and fall in love with exactly that. So personally, both terms are okay with me!

    great topic!  

  4. I'm in an interracial relationship and I'd be insulted if my husband had said he didn't see my color.  It's part of who I am and it's shaped who I've become.  He isn't fixated on my color, but he likes it.  I'm not fixated on his.  He respects my experiences and empathizes.  I listen to his perspective and acquire a different viewpoint.  It works.

    I think he is an anti-racist, but he would have been that even without our relationship.

  5. We should be "beyond race" Since when does the color of your skin dictate what kind of person you are? Because we see stereotypes? Because we have people making race an issue, when there should be no definition such as race.

    Why is it still an issue in 2008. That people have to make any kind of deal about what color the, or other people are dating, marrying, being friends with. There's no need to be PC. To beat around the bush because you think you will offend someone for being in love.

    There is no permanent attitude for any color, religion or nation. That doesn't define the individual. That's one facet of their being in which "race" does not enter.

  6. Well I'm around alot of black people and I read/hear alot of interracial couples and how they don't last long it's not a matchmade in heaven, sad isn't it?

    I'm mixed , my mom and dad broke up before I was born and I read about alot of interracial...they don't last long! people date colors /race but end sticking with their own, anyways

  7. With all seriousness, "beyond race" "anti race" is all about labeling. Putting too much emphasis on other people's business is beyond tacky and simply waste of time. I suggest you stop over analyzing it. It will damage your brain cell.


  8. I agree with you Phil. Well put.

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