Is it OK to discuss circumcision?

Question

Whenever someone I know is pregnant (or wife/girlfriend is pregnant), I always try to have a casual and brief conversation about circumcision. While I am against circumcision, I'm not pushy with people. I just think that a lot of people make the decision to circumcise their boys without knowing enough about it. I respect their decision, but I want them to know that it's rarely medically necessary. My wife thinks I shouldn't bring it up with people. I think people don't talk about it enough. What do you guys think; should I bring it up with expectant parents. Obviously, I discuss it only with friends I feel close to.

Incidentally, I discussed it with my nephew some years ago; his wife just had a boy and they decided to not circumcise him. If I hadn't discussed it with him, I'm not sure he would have given it any thought.

Is it impolite to discuss it?

Answer 1

It isn't your place to talk to them about it. Let them decide. You do what you need to do, and let them do their thing. Only talk about it if asked.

Answer 2

Impolite?  No.

Weird?  Quite possibly.

"So... how do you feel about chopping off your child's f******n?"  Awkward .....

Answer 3

Yea, I'd say it's definitely in poor taste.  

Honestly, parents are a lot more informed these days than they have been in the past.  There are so many books and websites out there to research issues like this.  Not to mention that any decent doctor would be sure to discuss and answer any questions a parent might have before performing the procedure.  Therefore, it's really not your responsibility or place.  

If a guy, even a close friend, were to initiate the subject with me, it would make me feel very uncomfortable.  I would prefer to discuss such matters with my husband.  Not to be rude, but bringing it up when your input hasn't been solicited may make you appear strangely fixated on the subject and that would be kind of creepy...

Just my opinion!

Answer 4

Is may be considered impolite to just start talking about it with a pregnant woman but if you and your male friends are talking about their wife/girlfriends pregnancy and you mention your views on it then it shouldn't be a problem. Also if a woman asks your opinion on it then please give it and be honest.  I was going back and forth until my exhusband said he didn't want it done then i researched and talked to pediatricians and my family doctors and all agreed it was unnecessary so I didn't have either of my boys cut and I don't regret it.  They are just fine.  They are 3 and 5 now and they know how to clean themselves and whenever i have a question I just ask their Dr (like for example when to start having them pull it back...answer was Age 3 years and not any sooner).

Answer 5

Parents may be offended because you may be talking to them as if they do not know any better. As if their decision has been a casual one. My husband and I put a lot of thought and study into the decision so, to have someone come up and challenge our decision and then try to school us would have been annoying. It seems that you view circumcision as a negative thing so, you may be coming off that way

Answer 6

lol ;) of course, talking about penises is a little "taboo". But as long as you give (and not impose) your opinion, I see no wrong.

As a future mom I am thinking about circumcision and would be open for a respectful conversation about it -- so I guess it's ok. You can even e-mail me if you want to convince me lol

Answer 7

I think it is very good for other parents to know that it is not medically necessary. In fact, many insurance companies call it cosmetic surgery and won't pay for it.

Our son is intact. He will remain that way until he decides different and is of consenting age.

Answer 8

are you a doctor? if not then mind your own business lol its got nothing to do with you and why do you think you have a right to bring this up... i too do not believe circumcison is a good thing but i don't go around preaching to people... mind your own business.

Answer 9

I think that it is according to if you know the people well enough. A lot of people would find it offensive if you just brought it up and they didn't know you. I agree that a lot of people don't find out all the facts before they make the decision. If anything approach the subject with the idea of things that they will have to do before and when they get ready to come home from the hospital and give the information that way.

Answer 10

That's fine. A lot of people might not like it and sadly there is a lot of ignorance about there coming from people who are in favour of the procedure. But bringing it up in a relevant way is normal. Just don't push too hard. I also try to mention it when I can though in real life my friends are too young for the baby stage, and also I do not live in the USA so it is a small issue here.

A lot of people will argue it's the parental choice and you have no basis interfering in that. However, parents make that choice based on ignorance (or cruelty, in the cases where they know the disadvantages but go ahead anyway). Informing people is not the same as dissing their choices.

Answer 11

It can be a touchy subject to bring up.  Sorta like religion and politics. ;)  That may be why it makes your wife a little uncomfortable.

If these are people you're close to and have the occasional conversation on a subject you wouldn't ordinarily discuss with a casual acquaintance, I don't see it as being too pushy with your views.

Answer 12

Impolite? Not to discuss it, but unless you are asked your opinion I would not try to make them feel it is wrong even if you do.  Personally I think it is better for the infant - long term, because of the care involved in keeping the area cleansed and virtually germ-free.  There is an increased risk of HIV in uncircumcised males.  I am a nurse and have assisted OB/GYN's in circs almost everytime I work ( THe OB's do this procedure where I work not the pediatrician) while the methods vary from doctor to doctor, there is some pain and crying but it is short lived.  Long story short -   impolite to "debate" it  but not to discuss it   If that makes sense.

Answer 13

sure it might be impolite. However... it won't ever change in America if people don't start talking! All kinds of things used to be hushed up and kept out of "polite conversation". If noone had ever talked about child abuse, or domestic violence, it would still be the norm in America today! Some things, however unpleasant, have to be talked about.

Giving information can only be positive. If they decide to cut anyway, at least its not entirely in ignorance. Your wife may be afraid that one day you'll lose friends over it. Really, I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with someone who felt that strongly about their "right" to mutilate their son anyway. -Neb

Answer 14

Yes, it's impolite.

Feel free to offer your opinion if they ask you about it, but othan than that, it's really not your business.

Answer 15

funny how quick people are to say mind your own business. so i guess they think it's better for a boy's p***s to be mutilated rather than risk a social faux pas. That's one of the things i think is wrong with this country; we don't speak up about things that need to change.

it sounds like some people think you are just blurting out to strangers, hey don't cut your kid. You explained that you only talk about it with people you feel close to and you said that you make it casual and brief.

Answer 16

I think if the expectant parents are really close friends of yours, then it might be okay to bring it up. However, I don't discuss things like that with my friends. The only person I rely on is my doctor, the pediatrician and my husband. I'm the kind of person that will tell someone if they've asked me something that I'm not comfortable discussing.

If I were you, I wouldn't offer advice unless I were specifically asked for it.

Answer 17

I would have been a little annoyed if someone had done that. It's kind of like someone pushing but not pushing breastfeeding. If I really wanted someones imput, I would have asked for it or brought it up. You would need very particular set of circumstances for it to not be a faux paux.

(I do breastfeed for those who might think otherwise by my comment).

Answer 18

I never mind "discussing" Circumcision, breastfeeding, sleeping with baby or any other of the topics that have a way of causing friction.

My husband is not circumcised. He has never had any problems at all. My boys 11,9 are both circumcised. They are not biologically my husbands and i never thought about not circumcising because i thought it was just routine. I had never even saw a non=circumcised p***s before i met my husband.

We are now pregnant with our second biological child. We do not know the gender but my husband says he wants to circumcise if our little bean is a boy. I am not sure It's something we will have to discuss more in-depth once we find out the gender.

Answer 19

Some people might take offence if you bring it up but IMHO it's a reasonable topic. It shouldn't be done and without talking about it there won't be enough change. Pick carefully the people and time and way to bring it up, and you should be fine. Be wary that some people might be upset with you.

Answer 20

No, I don't think that it's impolite to discuss amongst close friends. While it tends to be the norm to circumcise males in American society, many people are uninformed about circumcision and what it involves. Honestly, if it hadn't been for my husband's prescence and support, I probably would have held off on it with our son. The whole experience was very emotional and overwhelming for me.

Answer 21

Possibly-- It should be talked about in context. My son is circumcised, and it didn't take us long to decide that. We wanted him to look like his dad, and like h**l I want to show my son how to clean under his f******n (you should know best that boys don't often listen and obey the first time). I don't think it should be brought up just because-- also, don't just push your own opinions on people. Let them make up their own minds. Its one hour of scary times, not unlike the time they spend squeezed in a v****a. Think they thought that was all fun and games? Doubt it, seeing as they wail as soon as they get out...

Answer 22

If you saw someone you know and feel close to smoking while pregnant, would it be impolite to ask, "Do you know the risks of smoking while pregnant?"

If you saw your friend's toddler trying to jam a screwdriver into an outlet, would it be impolite to say, "Hey, you might want to take that screwdriver away from Junior?"

If your friend's 12-year-old was 60 pounds overweight, would it be impolite to ask, "Have you talked to Junior's doctor about diet recommendations?"

If you're friend is contemplating a tattoo, is it impolite to ask, "Are you sure you want the name of your boyfriend permanently written across your chest?"

Friends show concern for their friends. Friends should be able to talk openly about just about anything.

What is impolite about asking your pregnant friend, "Have you considered leaving your boy intact?"

You can then judge the reaction and go from there. If they say, no they have not considered that, then you can say, "Circumcision is less common in America today than it was 40 years ago. I have pretty strong feelings about it myself. I'd be happy to share my thoughts on it if you're interested."

That, my friend, is a casual and brief conversation and there is nothing impolite about it among friends are relatives to whom you feel close.

Personally, I think you'd be shirking your responsibilities as a friend if you didn't bring it up.

Answer 23

Interesting question!

I guess the male perspective regarding circumcision is kind of like the female dilemmas of breastfeeding and natural childbirth!

I think this stuff goes in cycles.  One cycle says "natural childbirth" the next says "no."  One cycle says "breastfeed" the next says "no."  Once we circumcised, now you don't.  What is cutting edge one day is 'old hat' the next.

As far as discussing circumcision with parents-to-be...they might be receptive to your ideas; or they might just feel more pressured by your comments!

Just don't stress the folks out!

How come Jewish people always circumcise?