Is it Ok to post a notice in a business that you are giving yourself a shower for an adopted child?

Question

g*y single guy that we know wanted to adopt a child, now this has turned into adopting a 14 yr old teenage boy. Now he has posted on business doors that he is giving his own shower and asking for gifts? Am I the one who is wrong here?

Answer 1

That is really tacky.  You don't give yourself any kind of shower.  It would be nice if a friend wanted to give him one, but doing it yourself is just tacky.  I wouldn't attend or send a gift.

Answer 2

That is super tacky. What kind of things is he registering for? An xbox and some air jordans?

If he can't afford to care for the child then he shouldn't be adopting. If he wanted to just raise items for the less fortunate he should leave himself out of it.

Answer 3

Tacky.  Maybe someone should give him an etiquette book as a gift.... :)

Answer 4

I agree it seems a bit odd. Maybe he doesn't realize its kinda tacky? You could always pull him aside and metion that the child may be overwhelmed and embarassed. Maybe you could suggest a BBQ or something at a friends house. That way everyone can get together and hang out and not have to have a "shower". Good luck!

Answer 5

He's posting on random business doors or his own place of work?  

Either way, that's pretty tacky.  Showers are supposed to be thrown by friends, not by the person who is adopting or having the baby.

Answer 6

Just a little tacky.

But maybe he doesn't feel like he has enough support to expect that he will be given a shower....so he decided to give one himself?

Why don't you throw him a shower?

Answer 7

That is very inappropriate to give yourself your own shower. I would send a card with congratulation if he was a good friend of mine otherwise I would ignore his bad taste

Answer 8

i don't think it's wrong, perhaps a little pushy but, not wrong. If you think it's wrong, don't get him a gift. He can do what he wants even if everyone thinks it is wrong, anyway.

Answer 9

I don't agree with that either. I think maybe having a party to celebrate, but to ask for gift is not appropriate. He should really just be grateful for his new son and not be so caught up in the gifts. But times have changed and people are getting away with alot more inappropriate things.

Answer 10

A lot of times, people don't know how to deal with adoption. In this scenario, how many of the co-workers would think to give this man a shower. You've pointed out that he's g*y (?) and that he's single (?) and that the child is a 14 year old boy (?)

The point is to celebrate this moment with him. It sounds like there may be some problems there that run a lot deeper than the posting of a shower.  Had anyone in the office thought to do this for him? Sometimes people need to know it's okay. It would be wrong of the office not do so when they have showers for the women that are having babies. Double standards and all. It is not for anyone to judge him being single, g*y, or the age of this child. Only that he is about to be a father to a child, and the child is about to have a permanent home. That is worth celebrating. Many Congratulations to the both of them!!!!!  May your office shower them with love and support.

Answer 11

It is usually considered bad taste to throw your own shower...plus showers were for new parents who didn't have things for a baby...there is nothing wrong with one for a adopted child but one for a 14 year old is just silly....and would most likely embarrassing for a 14 year...maybe having a small welcome home party but a shower...doesn't seem right.

Answer 12

Throwing yourself a shower and inviting guests via a posted notice are both very tacky.  It sounds like he's just fishing for presents and doesn't really care who shows up to give them.  It would be a completely different matter if he threw a celebratory party (not a shower) and invited guests individually.

Answer 13

I can  understand him wanting to celebrate, and it seems pushy to host his own party.

The way I would address it would be to say "oh, well we were hoping to host a welcoming party once he/she was here"... that might give him the hint that he jumped the gun.

And I agree that calling it a baby shower is weird. I mean, does he want diapers? Why not wait and figure out what the kid is into?

I suppose he's just so eager and happy to have a child. I know I would be. So in the end I would just smile and wish them both congrats.