Is it a cycle to being a deadbeat dad?

Question

My cousin's father was not in his life. And he always talks about how if he ever see him anywhere he will tell him how it felt to grow up with out a father and curse him out. However, he has a daughter of his own that he dose not spend any time with and barely ever sends her mother money. We told him about himself which I am sure he is aware of. But still he dose nothing about it. Is there a cycle to being a dead beat dad? Did he get that from his own father?

Answer 1

Things do get passed down within families but it's offensive to call people "deadbeat dads" like it is to call people "losers". Name calling doesn't get anyone anywhere.

Answer 2

so sad.....theres not really a circle, more like an emotional scar try to make him spend time doing things rather than doing nothing

Answer 3

Sometimes it's the dad.  That's sad and immature.  If that's the case with your cousin keep talking to him in a positive way and pray he comes around.  Many, many times though women will file for divorce (not because of being beaten or cheated on, just because they're "unhappy"), win custody, and force the dads out of the kids life.   Then they turn around and tell their kids their daddy "abandoned them."  Our justice system makes this very easy to do.  In the meantime the system is so overwhelmed by this frivolous garbage that women who are really being harmed lose out, because of opportunists gaming the system.  I don't know the background story, but your cousin needs prayer.  I stay in the lives of the children I had with my ex-wife but it is a constant living h**l to do so, and a lonely fight that noone seems to appreciate.  Giving up feels easier at times.  To not give up, he needs strong support and encouragement from loved ones (I can tell you love him).  He needs to be built up as a man, not torn down as if he's not.

Answer 4

It's been proven to be a contributing factor. Most young men who grew up in a household with out a father tend to in turn abandon their children as a result. With out a good example of a man being there for his children and handling his responsibility, they in turn fall into the same cycles as their Fathers. The same as those who grew up in abusive homes. They  (unless they chose other wise) become abusive, thus repeating the cycle.

But we can't place all the blame on the absent fathers. All in all, it still comes down to choice and what the fathers want their children to think of them vs. how they felt about their fathers.

Answer 5

I'm sure that not having a dad in his life has left him with no skills on how to be a father.  It's not an excuse, though, for him to ignore his daughter.  Since he has shared with you how he felt about his own Dad, why can't he see that he's perpetuating these feelings of desertion with his own daughter?  The guy has obviously got some issues.  I'd definitely keep reminding him that he has a daughter who needs a Dad.  Maybe one day he'll realize what he's missing.

Answer 6

It is extremely hard to carry on a relationship with a child whose Mother you are not in love with. It is not something he "gets from" his Dad. It is just him  growing up, and maybe now he can feel what his Father went through. People need to learn to not make babies with people they are not in love with. Simple as that.

Answer 7

of course there will always be deadbeat parents but generally speaking you will see a huge decay of the family unit after the 60's. At one point the black family was the strongest in America but today just 50 years later it is possibly the weakest. Ethics, morality and commitment became outdated in the ME generation of the 60's and thats who is running things today.

Answer 8

I think it is very likely that there is a cyclical influence to being a deadbeat dad. Probably much like with cycles of abusers.

Boys who grow up without fathers may be very confused about concepts of commitment to family and loved ones and don't relate to marental affection and bonding as well as parental responsibility.

The best predictor of being a good mother is to have one, and the same is true for fathers.

There may also be a genetic component, but I really don't know about that. I think that would take the form of sociopathic traits being carried, if that's the case.

Edit: but please remember that cyclical influences on behaviour are only influences Not destiny. Vicious cycles can be broken if they are seen for what they are and recognised and there is the will to change.