Is it a good idea for a 2 and 4 year old to go to their dads funeral given that they wouldnt understand?

Question

Is it a good idea for a 2 and 4 year old to go to their dads funeral given that they wouldnt understand?

Answer 1

yes....thats thier father.-even thought they are kids, they had feelings..too.

Answer 2

yes, because i think it would help them when they are older...knowing that they were there for their dad.

so sorry for your/their loss.

Answer 3

i am not sure on this one. I think it depends on the length of the service. I believe that allowing them to go the wake would be more appropriate.  This would allow them to view the body if they want with more freedom of movement and noise. Also there is the ability that you can take them home when they are ready to leave. Hopefully this would give them the closure they need without forcing them to act older then they are. I would take the four year old to the funeral if it is going to be a short service but not to the graveside. The two year old will not understand the service anyway and would just be a distraction to you and the rest of the family, ask a responsible and understanding family member to sit with them and have a conversation instead. I wouldn't take my two year old to a funeral no matter what. I am so sorry for your loss but the important thing to remember is to not traumatize them. My last memory of MY father was when he was laid out and it was absolutely awful. I would rather remember him as he was. I think sharing memories and photographs are going to mean much more to your children then having them attend a funeral they probably won't remember or understand.

Just so you know my brother was four when our dad died and he doesn't even remember the funeral, but he does remember going to the family get together afterwards and hearing everyone laughing as they remembered my dad. He was miserable at the service too and kept trying to run around.

Answer 4

It depends on the family.  If your family tends to burst into hysterics and sobbing, then I would say no, since this would make the funeral a really scary experience.  If it is going to be a warm goodbye with kind words and a fond stories of their dad, I would say yes.  

Either way, I would say no to the burial, as this is a hard thing for kids to grasp.  You don't want them to be scared of their Dad's passing.

Answer 5

yes, and they might even remember parts of it when they get older. you wouldn't want to rob them of the opportunity to go. that's something they can't get back.

Answer 6

Absolutely, later in life they'd want to know that they were there, rather than kept away due to their age.

Sorry for your loss

Answer 7

Yes.  They may not understand the full implecations as an adult would, but they need the opportunity to come into a child-like understanding of death and separation.

Giving them this experience will illustrate that death means that people cry, and remember their Dad.  That lots of people love their Dad and their Mom.  

If they are not allowed to go, they may resent you when they are older.  Losing a parent is not just a one time event...it is a long road of working through feelings, grieving, trying to understand why, etc.  They should be allowed to say goodbye, and the experience of a funeral cannot be put off until they 'understand'.

You may also find strength and support in their presence.  If you need time alone, or to 'let go', do ask for a relative to take the children outside for a break.

Answer 8

Yes, later in life they'd want to know that they were there, rather than kept away due to their age.When I  was 6 my parents were in the area as you when my gandma past away sorry for the loss I know it takes sergth and time but youll get through it.

Answer 9

awrr. i dont know, but sorry!

Whatever you feel is right, maybe yes so they can say their final goodbyes.

Answer 10

Funeral yes. A wake I would say no that could traumatize them.

Answer 11

Yes.  Death is a part of life.  It may seem hard now, but this will only teach them to treasure life as it is fleeting.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 12

im so sorry for your loss.

i would take them  bc 1 they would know they there there when they were older and 2 i personally would want them there with me.

again, i am so sorry for your loss

Answer 13

Yes, I think they should go, especially the 4 yo...I think they may get it more than you know..

Check out this site. They have a section on there about this very issue.

http://www.hospicenet.org/

Answer 14

yes

Answer 15

The 4 year old just might understand more than you realize.  If this child knows what has happened and what they will be experiencing, give the option.  The 2 year old may be more of a distraction to you and everyone else than get anything meaningful out of the experience.

Answer 16

Yes, they will feel better when they are older knowing that they were there. However, you also have to put into mind that seeing their mom and family cry could also be damaging.

Answer 17

I think the 2 year old won't understand and would be a dsitraction.  But the 4 year old might need that closure. If the funeral is more of a memorial service with people talking about him and songs, then that would be appropriate. If the funeral is more last rites and stuff, I don't know if the 4 year old would get anything out of that. But she does need something.

Answer 18

I think they should go because this way they see what happends when you die and that you really aren't coming back and things. I missed my Grandmas and I still feel like I should just beable to walk up to her door and she is going to be there. I don't feel the same about my granpa and my aunts who have passed. It is diffrent when you go or not. Its like that person is still out there somewhere but you just can't see them. I hope that makes since. It kinda feels like she just left us.

Answer 19

I wouldn't take the 2 year old. The emotions displayed may be upsetting. Talk it over with the four year old. Explain what is going to happen and offer the child a choice. Also consider whether there will be an open casket. The child might be OK at the funeral but not at the cemetery. You have to really consider that particular child's needs and ability to understand what has happened.

Answer 20

Yes i think they will find comfort later in life knowing that they was there,being in voled.

Don't false them to sit quietly in church though,let them walk freely around the church,maybe ask a family member to follow them around so you can say your goodbyes.

Keep strong.

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