Is it a good idea or not to move in with my Fiance before we are married?

Question

I currently am living with my parents, and I can't hardly stand it anymore!! I'm having to make a choice though, that either way its going to have its down fall. I was always told that it is wrong to live with a boyfriend/fiance before marriage. So I could 1. Move in with him, and make my mother upset, or I could 2. Find a apartment and pay rent every month, which would mean I'd have less money going into a savings account to buy a house later. I've thought about living with my parents till the wedding (next August 2009), but I don't think I can. They are making things miserable for me right now. Any thoughts??? Is it wrong to move in with my fiance before marriage?? Should I even risk things with my mom??

Answer 1

I moved in with my boyfriend (at the time) 3 months after we started dating.  We'd known each other for many years before we started dating, and at first things were great.  We had some hard times though, and ended up breaking up for several months before we ended up getting engaged.  We did things backwards though... had a baby, then bought a house, and now we're getting married in October.

All I would say is this.  Only you know how reparable your relationship with your mother is.  And though she may be driving you crazy now, you'll miss her when you leave.  I would take it day by day, maybe sit down with her and tell her how you feel.  

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Actually, Moundance is wrong- the statistics do not show that people who move in together before getting married have a higher divorce rate. It always annoys me when people quote this as proof that living together before marriage doesn't work. People who move in together a year before getting married actually have the lowest divorce rate (even lower than those who wait to live together), however people who move in together more than a year before getting married do have a higher chance of divorce. But these are just statistics anyway- what is right for one couple isn't necessarily right for another.

It's your mother's beliefs that it's wrong to move in together before marriage. You're a grown woman now- what are your beliefs? It's your decision, not hers. Try to avoid making the decision based on your anger/annoyance with your parents. Try and work out your problems with them first.

Answer 3

I live with my boyfriend and love it. I don't think it's wrong at all. However, a lot of people on this site are religious and will tell you otherwise. In my opinion, if you're old enough to get married, then you're old enough to make this decision by yourself. If your mom gets mad, that's her problem. This is your life, not hers. Besides, you're engaged, so it's not like you're just "testing the waters" if you move in together right now.  

Answer 4

i would absolutely recommend living with him before marriage. you find out so much about a person this way. this way, after you guys get married, things wont' be so much of a shock to you.

Answer 5

You already stated that you were told that it was wrong to live with a boyfriend/fiance before marriage;

You may think this is an antiquated way of thinking, but it does not matter how progressive a society we think we live in, we are still one foot in the dark ages. If you have gone 99% of the way to make sure that you follow this rule about not living with someone finish it.

If you think that you would be more worldly if you live alone than do it for that reason, but running from your mother's house does not sound very adult; and isn't this why you want to be married?

If you are lucky enough to be able to by a home some day you will most likely be paying a mortgage for 30 years =360 months. By the time you find a suitable place to live you will most likely be pulling your hair out planning your wedding. And, you will probably live in an apartment for 6 to 10 months.

You will only be your mom's little girl for a few months, you are going to be someone's wife for the rest of your life.

Best Wishes on your upcoming nuptials

Answer 6

I completely know how you feel! Sometimes it is so hard living with my parents, and I can't wait to move out when I get married next summer.  They, too, would be really upset if I moved in with my fiance.  

I've decided to just wait though, and here's why.

1. I want my fiance to respect my old-fashioned values, and I think we'll both take our marriage more seriously if we wait to live together.

2.  I just want peace and harmony with my parents.  Ya, it's a pain living at home, but it would be even more stressful having them upset with me all the time.  Plus, this is the last time we'll live together, so I'm enjoying being their little girl for just a little longer.

3.  It's so much easier financially.  I'd rather save my money, because I know next summer will come quickly, and I don't want to waste it all on rent!

4.  Many different times I've heard statistics that people who live together first end up getting divorced more often.

But, those are just my reasons, I know everyone is different.  I'd say wait, because in the long run it will be worth it, especially since you already have a wedding day set! I have a few friends who live with their boyfriends, and they have been waiting and waiting for them to finally propose!!!!  My fiance knew that the only way I'd live with him is if he was willing to commit to marriage.

Answer 7

i see NOTHING wrong with living with the guy your gonna marry. honestly i think its a great idea. you get to know eachother on a totally different level. waking up with eachother/ eating/showering/cleaning/laundry.. ect. you pick up eachothers habits (good and bad) and you have a place of your OWN. no parents telling you what to do or holding you back. i dont get why everyone looks down on it... when i think its an amazing idea.

if your saving up for a house.. then keep doing so. but its stupid to move out in your own place and pay more money, rather than splitting the rent with your finace', and being able to have your own place together.

if my boyfriend proposed to me.. i would love to find a place with him and live there. i hate living with my parents!

if your an adult.. and your making a deciison like marriage.. i think you can make one on the situation where your gonna live.

your mom will get over it. its your decision.and she'll still be at the wedding. so do what you feel is right!

p.s. thank you so much for helping me out with my problem. your words were exactly how i feel. and i couldnt thank you enough for your advice! i wish you the best of luck!!  

Answer 8

Despite what people say, the  statistics show that divorce rates are higher for people who lived together before they were married.  Also, if you're already living together, what is going to be so special about moving in together after the wedding??  

If it comes down to it and your choices are to get your own apartment or move in with your fiance, get your own apartment.  A house will come eventually.  

Answer 9

Girl, it seems like a long time away, but just suffer through it.  It will keep your mom happy, and you bankrolling your money.  Try not to let the negativity drain on you.  When things seem bleak with the parents just remember that after next August it will never matter again because you will be married on living in your new home.  

Answer 10

I would move in with your boyfriend and test the waters of how you two will get along so you know for after you get married. You may love him but may find you can't stand living with him. Maybe one of you is a slob and the other a clean freak, one likes to cook but expects the other to do all the clean up ( which in itself should be fair, one cooks, the other cleans dishes) He may leave his socks on the floor and that drives you crazy, etc. If you are old enough to marry, you are old enough to live with him if that is your decision. Mom and Dad may not like it, but they will have to get over it. Otherwise, sit down with your parents and make them understand you are an adult that deserves respect and make a plan of action to continue living with them until the wedding.

Answer 11

I think you should just go with your instincts/intuition.  They are usually right.  If it has to do with what other people think, then just don't care what they think.   I can definitely understand not wanting to upset your parents. However, this decision is not theirs to make.  In the end it will only matter to you and your Fiance. So why not do what you two think is best? You are going to do it anyway when you are married. What would make now any different other than the fact you are not married yet?

Remember statistics can be made to say anything, that doesn't mean they reflect an absolute truth. What they don't tell you is the circumstances behind why there was a divorce.  Just because someone moved in together doesn't mean that is why they divorced. there was another problem to begin with and that just happened to escalate it further.  I lived with my Fiance before we got married. Yes we did get divorced, but it had nothing to do with us moving in together before we got married. But I bet they would count it in the statistic.  

We only move forward by doing it.